For those dealing with breast cancer surgeries and treatment, this can be a very stressful time. While it can be very difficult dealing with all of the medical aspects of treating this disease, another problem usually arises with regard to visitors from outside of the immediate family household members. Not only is this a matter of personal preference but also it can become a very tricky situation in finding ways to deal with others without hurting feelings.
My recommendation is that a breast cancer patient has conversations with her family and friends before her surgeries and treatments and explains what her needs will be. If she doesn’t want visitors, she can provide her reasons for needing privacy at this time. Barbara Jacoby
Please know that there are people who do not want visitors. A patient who has gone through surgery may not only be dealing with pain but may also be trying to find a few minutes of time at any time of the day to sleep. In addition, she probably has drain tubes and incisions that do not make it easy to dress in the normal way. Therefore, the last thing that she may want is to be seen in sloppy clothing. And for a period after surgery, she can’t shower or wash her hair so she may really not want to see anyone under these circumstances. At this time, she may not even want phone calls or having to respond to text messages or emails because she may have finally drifted off for a few moments of rest and the last thing she wants is a phone ringing or dinging to wake her up after hours of sleeplessness. Therefore, she can only hope that her request to not be disturbed would be easily understood and respected. And hopefully, she won’t have to deal with anyone whose feelings would be greatly hurt if you shut them out at this time.
Then there are those who would love visitors especially if they live alone and would welcome the company and perhaps even some help. If someone finds herself alone, the drone of the television is no comparison to the interaction that is so needed to get away from all of the things running around in her head or the focus that is only on her cancer situation. However, the one problem that does arise here is dealing with those guests who do not know when to go home. They don’t see that the patient is getting tired or they haven’t picked up on the hints that have been given that the time has come for them to leave. It quickly becomes a very uncomfortable situation in which a patient finds herself and it adds stress at a time when she really doesn’t need to deal with that on top of everything else.
My recommendation is that a breast cancer patient has conversations with her family and friends before her surgeries and treatments and explains what her needs will be. If she doesn’t want visitors, she can provide her reasons for needing privacy at this time. This allows for the opportunity to explain that it has nothing to do with anyone else and that she does appreciate their wanting to help or visit or provide for her needs. And it also allows that should her situation turn out to be different than what she expected, she would love to be able to call upon them for assistance and support, if needed.
For those who want visitors but are concerned about those people who may overstay their welcome, once again, I suggest having conversations ahead of time. The patient should share with her potential guests that based upon what she has been told, it might be hard to have any sort of regular schedule. For example, she should let them know that she really would like and needs their help more than they may realize but also her life will have many changes and new restrictions and perhaps it will require her to be sleeping in the middle of the day if she can’t do so at night. Similarly, if they are bringing food, she might want to let them know that if she is having chemotherapy, her tastes will be changing during that time. If she lays the groundwork ahead of time so that her guests understand her concerns for herself as well as for them, hopefully everyone will respect the boundaries that need to be set and this will be one less thing with which she will need to concern herself during her treatment and recovery.
Barbara Jacoby is an award winning blogger that has contributed her writings to multiple online publications that have touched readers worldwide.