Verbal Abuse

In Creating Happiness, Domestic Abuse Posts By Barbara, Recent Posts by Barbara Jacoby

I had a very interesting email this week from a young lady in response to one of my previous blogs wherein she talked about her life in mostly terms of how the things that her father has said over the years are affecting her life.  It really started my thinking about how I have found that the physical abuse that I suffered in the past is nothing compared to the verbal abuse that I recall.  Time after time, it is the

And when those words are justified by comments such as “it’s for your own good that you hear these things”, we are immediately taught that verbal abuse is acceptable when someone does it to “help” us. 
words spoken by a parent, a school mate, a significant other, a teacher, a coach, a boss, etc. that do more to diminished us than any physical action ever could.  And when those words are justified by comments such as “it’s for your own good that you hear these things”, we are immediately taught that verbal abuse is acceptable when someone does it to “help” us. 

I don’t think that there is a person alive who is not fully aware of their own shortcomings, faults, imperfections, etc.  We focus so much more on our own negative aspects than we do on our positive assets.  How many of us are on a perpetual diet to lose weight?  How many cosmetic surgeons are making a living based solely on “fixing” what people perceive to be their physical imperfections?  How many people choose to discipline their underlings by making nasty comments to them and/or about them?  How many people demean others in front of their peers and laugh about it?   And most recently, how many people have chosen to use the social networking sites as a way to reach others with negative comments and stories about others which often are not even true?  With all of this negativity, how can we ever hope to make it a better world for the children when we teach them through our own behavior that this abusive behavior is not only acceptable but necessary if you want to succeed? 

I don’t know a single person who tried to achieve their fullest potential when they had been repeatedly told that they were a loser but I do know many people who were highly successful in life without having obtained the almighty “college degree”.  When people have the opportunity to be supported in pursuing what they wish in life with the help and belief of others, they will always succeed.  We are all as individual as are snowflakes.  We don’t fit into any mold.  Therefore, why do we keep pushing one another to fit into whatever molds we determine are best for them?  

The message continues to be repeated over and over that we need to do certain things or reach certain goals if we want to compete.  Compete for what?  I don’t need to amass a fortune or a pile of things. I am perfectly happy doing my work each day and having my free time for myself and my family.  I have the things that I want and need and I have the time and opportunity to write my blog and to share what I have learned with others.  I have the opportunity to help those who have situations with which to deal that are similar to my own experiences.  I have the venues to encourage people to look inside for answers and not to be governed by all the negative talk and behavior around them.  

I have always received and will continue to give to others all of the positive reinforcement that they need in order to achieve what they want.  And if they stumble and fall, so what!  That is part of life and learning and I will be there to help them pick themselves up and start again.  After all, how many times have we all started over again, better equipped each time with what we had learned from our past experiences.  And what a sense of accomplishment when we reach our goals!  It doesn’t take us long to understand that each day that we successfully complete and do so while maintaining a positive attitude and approach, we are a better person for it.  What more could we want to achieve?