From This Breast Cancer Survivor: I Remember THE Day

I Remember THE Day

Thursday, July 26, 2007!

It is a day that will live in my mind forever. I had worked my normal work schedule and came home in the evening and hurried to take a quick shower before relaxing for the evening. As I was washing, I suddenly felt something that seemed different and strange underneath my right arm in the location of the outer portion of my right breast. It didn’t feel like a solid mass but it was rather uneven on the edges. Somewhere in the back of my mind I seemed to remember that this was not the first time that I felt this. Why was it that I suddenly had a sinking feeling and felt that it might be something to which I needed to pay attention? I decided at that moment that I would need to call my doctor the next day and make an appointment to see her.

“And in that moment, I also remembered that I believe that everything happens for a reason and that one day I would understand why I needed to deal with this particular situation.”Barbara Jacoby

I didn’t say anything to my husband, Kirk, at that time because I didn’t want to alarm him about what might be nothing. But, I must say, I worried about it all night long. As soon as I got to my office the next day, which was a Friday, I called the doctor’s office and made an appointment for the following Monday knowing full well that I would be concerned about this all weekend.

When I got home from work that evening, Kirk was already there. I hardly got inside the door before I blurted out what was going on. I don’t know if we were in shock more than anything else, but we didn’t seem to be able to talk about anything at that time. I provided him with his much information as I could at that moment and explained that I have an appointment scheduled with the doctor. Knowing me, he knew that this must be something serious.

It seemed like my appointment time would never come on that Monday afternoon. I told the doctor what I had discovered and she did her exam very quickly. Based upon the conversation that we had following the exam and the series of test that she immediately started setting up for me, I got a sudden feeling that this was going to be something that I never wanted to have to face.

After the doctor’s appointment, I went home and as Kirk was working that evening, I was left alone with all of my thoughts. What if this was cancer? The last thing I wanted to do was to burden anyone else with my problems. I cried! And after I gathered my thoughts again, I stopped, only to soon start all over again.

The most interesting thing that I remember is that I never thought about that cancer being life-threatening. It was more a matter of not bothering other people with my situation. Then I realized that in those immediate hours following my visit to the doctor, I knew that nothing would ever be the same again. All that I could think about was that I had previously not had any sort of any medical conditions. I felt very grateful for that but I also immediately thought about if something was going to happen, why did it have to be cancer?

And then in that moment, I decided that regardless of what the situation may be, I was not going to allow it to overtake my life. If this were cancer, we would deal with the issues one step at a time. I would do exactly as directed by my doctors and then be done with it. No matter what was coming down the road ahead of me, I would not allow it to be bigger than me and I would live and enjoy every single moment of every single day for the rest of my life.

And in that moment, I also remembered that I believe that everything happens for a reason and that one day I would understand why I needed to deal with this particular situation. That day is as clear in my mind today as if it had only happened yesterday. I know that I will never forget it. It was the beginning of a whole new life – one that I am most grateful to be living as never before.