The holidays are that very special time of the year when families gather together to enjoy the holiday season. Quite often, the ladies will end up together in the kitchen, catching up on all that has transpired during the past year while the men are off in another part of the house enjoying a sporting event. This is the time when we most often share all of secrets about our personal relationships and the events and occasions that were shared with our friends and families since the last time we all got together. However, despite our abilities to share everything else with our family members, we often forget to talk about that which may ultimately be most important at some time in our lives and that is our family’s medical history.“Despite our abilities to share everything else with our family members, we often forget to talk about that which may ultimately be most important at some time in our lives and that is our family’s medical history.”
Barbara Jacoby
I remember how many times I spent time together with my aunts and cousins and we talked and talked and talked. However, when I was diagnosed with breast cancer and asked about my family’s history, I could recall one aunt and her daughter having had the disease but I had no idea about anyone else. At this time, my mother and her sisters had all passed away and I never knew my maternal grandmother so I have no idea what her history and that of her family may have been. After all, she died when my mom was 15 years old and I don’t even know if she had a sister because we never spoke about her.
On my father’s side of the family, my grandmother and her siblings were all long gone and I barely knew anything about my cousins since the family was never close so the more I thought about it, I realized that while I had done my best to provide information, I just didn’t have it to share. After all, you just didn’t talk about things like that when it came to my mother’s generation, at least not with the “kids”. It wasn’t a proper thing to do. In fact, things like this not only weren’t discussed in front of the children but they were hidden in dialogue exchanged in a different language all together.
Hopefully, that is no longer the case but most of us know that the word “cancer” is seldom spoken unless it is absolutely necessary. However, most of us don’t realize what a disservice we are doing to the women in our families by not having this discussion. I would never know about the medical experiences of an aunt unless my cousin would be willing to share. I would never know anything about my father’s side of the family unless my grandmother would be willing to tell us about what may have occurred with her sisters and her parents’ families. But, now that there is so much more open discussion, mostly because of the world of social media, we have definitely reached the point where these discussions should definitely be easier and something that we are smart enough to recognize their need.
Therefore, I am suggesting that every single woman who is fortunate enough to share the holidays with a female family member that you give her the greatest gift of all. It won’t cost you anything but may end up saving a life. Give your family member the gift of sharing everything that you know about the family’s medical history. Let her know if someone has had breast cancer in generations past that she might know.
Let her know if you have had any problems or scares from your own medical tests. Let her know that you want everything that is best for her and that you are not trying to scare her but rather educate her so that based upon the knowledge that you might be able to provide, she may better be able to alert her doctor to anything that should be watched or tested. It may not be easy to start this dialogue but you may find that it may ultimately be one of the greatest gifts that you can share with one another this holiday season. And hopefully, it may be the beginning for further sharing in your own family as well as encouraging your friends to do the same in their own families. You will be glad that you did.
Barbara Jacoby is an award winning blogger that has contributed her writings to multiple online publications that have touched readers worldwide.