From a Breast Cancer Survivor- Helping Those Who Help Themselves

One of the toughest jobs that a person will ever be called upon to perform might be that of a caregiver. I believe that these people are saints right here on earth because they are called on to be there for another person when that person is going through breast cancer or any other serious illness. Despite the fact that you still have to maintain your own life with all of its responsibilities, you are now required to be there to help with every detail of a cancer patient’s needs and we know how extensive those are. Therefore, why would we not reasonably expect that the patient would be willing to do as much as possible to make the experience as easy as possible for their caregivers? But, such is not always the case.

“If you appreciate the assistance that you are receiving for the most major needs and do all of the smaller things that you can do for yourself, you will not only help yourself and your caregiver but you will also have an appreciation of each other that would never be created under any other circumstances.”Barbara Jacoby

I appreciate what a person deals with when it comes to breast cancer and its treatment. There are days when pain and sickness and fatigue just seem to overwhelm a patient. The effects of surgery and chemotherapy can be hard to comprehend if you have not experienced them and as the pain threshold can vary greatly on an individual basis, there is no way to determine what an individual might actually be experiencing. Therefore, most will do anything and everything possible to make the patient comfortable and to put them into a position where their every need is addressed and resolved as quickly as possible. But, what if you find yourself in a position where the person that you are helping is not only not appreciative of what you are doing but may be nasty to you as a caregiver and perhaps even abusive?

I will say that I personally don’t understand how any breast cancer patient could ever consider treating a voluntary caregiver with anything less than respect and gratitude. Here is a person or a group of people who are willing to help when it more than likely will seriously disrupt their own lives in ways most can’t imagine. The caregiver is giving of time and money and talents in a variety of areas in order to make someone else feel better and to help them with their recuperation. They don’t ask what’s in it for them and would never even consider not helping if they can. Yet, for some patients, they assume an attitude of entitlement and expectation that a caregiver owes them something just because they are dealing with cancer.

To each caregiver, I must say that I am so sorry if you have been used or abused by someone with breast cancer. But to every cancer patient, I am sorry that you were not able to appreciate the sacrifices and hard work of those who were there to help you when you needed it most. It is never an easy thing to take on the responsibilities of a person’s care especially when you are not a trained professional in that area. Therefore, it becomes so important for a patient to help with their own care as much as possible so that the caregiver does not fall under the pressure of unbelievable expectations.

Your caregivers are most likely family members and/or friends who are also experiencing their own emotional effects because of your illness. They have offered to help you, as a patient, not to become your personal keeper who is responsible to answer to your every beckoning. This will become very old, very fast, and should they tire of your behaving in this manner, you shouldn’t be surprised if they abandon you completely. But, if you appreciate the assistance that you are receiving for the most major needs and do all of the smaller things that you can do for yourself, you will not only help yourself and your caregiver but you will also have an appreciation of each other that would never be created under any other circumstances. Such a relationship will bond you together forever and will never be forgotten. And a person who is helping someone who is helping herself/himself will be treasured more than you can imagine