Telling someone what to do, especially a breast cancer survivor, can be fraught with challenges, both ethically and emotionally. There are several reasons why one should tread carefully when offering advice or directives to someone who has survived breast cancer as explained below.“It’s about fostering an environment where survivors can feel supported, empowered, and in control of their life post-cancer. The role of those around them should be to amplify their strength, not to dictate their path.”
Barbara Jacoby
Every breast cancer journey is unique. Survivors have navigated through a deeply personal experience that includes not just physical battles but also emotional and psychological ones. Telling a survivor what to do can underestimate their resilience and the coping strategies they have developed. Each individual has found their own path to recovery, whether it involves embracing alternative therapies, sticking strictly to medical advice, or finding a blend that suits their unique health situation and personal beliefs. Thus, unsolicited advice can seem dismissive of their personal journey and strength.
Breast cancer survivors often have had their autonomy challenged by the disease and its treatments. From the moment of diagnosis, they might have been bombarded with medical decisions, lifestyle changes, and social interactions that forced them to reassess their sense of self and control. Advising or telling a survivor what to do can further encroach upon their autonomy, which during or after cancer treatment, is something many are fiercely protective of. This respect for personal boundaries is crucial for their mental health and recovery process.
The emotional landscape for cancer survivors can be complex. They might be dealing with a range of feelings from relief to anxiety about recurrence, body image issues, or even survivor’s guilt. Statements or advice that might seem like nothing can inadvertently trigger negative emotions or stress. For instance, suggesting one should “stay positive” might inadvertently imply that they are somehow at fault if they experience negative emotions or if their cancer returns. This can lead to feelings of guilt or inadequacy.
Unless you’re a medical professional familiar with the survivor’s specific case, offering medical advice can be dangerous and inappropriate. Cancer treatment plans are highly individualized, based on the type of cancer, stage, personal health history, and response to previous treatments. Misguided advice can lead to confusion, fear, or even harmful decisions. It’s important to encourage survivors to consult with their healthcare team for any changes or additions to their treatment or lifestyle.
Instead of telling a survivor what to do, the focus should be on providing support. Support can come in many forms, such as listening without judgment, offering practical help like transportation to appointments, or simply being there as a friend or family member. This approach respects the survivor while showing care and solidarity. Survivors benefit more from empathetic companionship rather than from unsolicited directives. They need allies, not additional commanders in their life.
Cancer survivors come from diverse backgrounds with varying cultural, spiritual, or personal beliefs about health and healing. What might be a well-meaning suggestion from one cultural perspective could be offensive or irrelevant in another. Recognizing and respecting these differences is key to providing support that is genuinely helpful.
Encouraging a survivor by acknowledging their strength, sharing inspirational stories (with caution), or providing resources they might not have considered, empowers them rather than dictates to them. Encouragement should be about reinforcing their right to make their own decisions, celebrating their achievements, and respecting their choices, whether it is about treatment, diet, lifestyle, or emotional healing.
And finally, the reason not to tell a breast cancer survivor what to do stems from a place of respect for their journey, autonomy, emotional state, and personal expertise in managing their health. It’s about fostering an environment where survivors can feel supported, empowered, and in control of their life post-cancer. The role of those around them should be to amplify their strength, not to dictate their path.
Barbara Jacoby is an award winning blogger that has contributed her writings to multiple online publications that have touched readers worldwide.