According to Wikipedia,

Saint Valentine’s Day, commonly shortened to Valentine’s Day is an annual commemoration held on February 14 celebrating love and affection between intimate companions. The day is named after one or more early Christian martyrs, Saint Valentine, and was established by Pope Gelasius I in 496 AD. It was deleted from the Roman calendar of saints in 1969 by Pope Paul VI, but its religious observance is still permitted. It is traditionally a day on which lovers express their love for each other by presenting flowers, offering confectionery, and sending greeting cards (known as “valentines”). The day first became associated with romantic love in the circle of Geoffrey Chaucer in the High Middle Ages, when the tradition of courtly love flourished.

It seems that we have strayed quite a distance from the original intent for this holiday but there are certain aspects that do remain that are quite charming.

I know many women who expect that for Valentine’s Day they should have lavish bouquets of flowers delivered to their offices so that everyone can see how much someone loves them.  There are those who expect expensive nights out on the town with fancy clothes and fancy foods and special tokens of love, like expensive jewelry.  There are those who feel unloved if they do not get a vacation or lavish gifts for the holiday.  This is just so sad because they are missing out on the real meaning of the day and are so focused on what they think that they should be getting that they completely forget about giving something special to the special love in their lives from whom they expect these presents. 

I do not understand how anyone can say that love someone else and then be so angry if they do not receive special gifts and attention on Valentine’s Day.  I don’t believe that you can base any relationship on what you can get out of it.  I can’t imagine having the need to show off whatever one might receive by taking it or having it delivered to a person’s office (and don’t tell me that it is because it can’t be delivered to your home because you are working).  There are plenty of ways to get whatever to the person that you want so that the gift, the time, the experiences and the sharing are just between you and your special love. 

There are many ways to enjoy the day without spending lots of money.  If you want to celebrate the day, why not do so by making your special someone’s favorite meal?  Perhaps a shared treat or some chocolates or a special champagne toast can mark the day.  It should surely include lots of love and laughter and sharing and caring which means that you will be giving each other the greatest gift of all on this special day and that is your time and yourself.  There is truly not a gift that you can buy that would ever be better than this.

In last week’s blog, I requested that you share your stories with me so that I could share them with others as a way of letting everyone know that regardless of what you have lived in your life, there are others who have shared the same experience.  In the midst of all of the stories that I received from so many different sources was the one from Lindsey, a young lady of 12 years who wrote as follows:

I am 12 years old. I am living the life I have always dreamed of, being home schooled gives me the opportunities I never thought possible. Now, I left middle school because of my indifference to those sassy 13 year olds.  They think they can do whatever they want.  No I don’t think I am a dragon warrior, I am actually quite normal but too different. 

These couple of sentences have been running through my mind all week.  I am so astounded that a young lady is living a happy life at her age and has been so appreciative of that to be able to share here story here. And the reason is obviously because she has someone in her life that cared enough to not only listen to her but also to hear what she was saying.

This brought me to memories of my days in junior high and how I always worked so hard to reach perfection but no matter what I did, it never seemed to be enough to receive the praise and attention that I really craved from my parents.  And on this Valentine’s Day, these thoughts then took me to a very special Valentine’s Day dinner that I shared with my parents many years later.  As we were discussing many things from the past, I raised the point that as I was growing up, I felt that I was pretty much ignored and did not received the attention that my older sister and younger brother had always received.  My parents actually agreed that this was true and for that, I will always be grateful so that I don’t think it was just my childish imagination.

You see, I was that middle child whose younger sibling came along only 16 months after me.  Therefore, as my parents explained, there was never time for me to be the baby.  As we grew up, I always did well in whatever I pursued so they did not need to spend the time with me that they needed to give to my sister and brother. 

I could go on and on but there is no need to do so because the message is that the most important thing that anyone can do for their children is to give time and attention to each and everyone of them in accordance with their individual needs.  Had I been recognized for my achievements along the way rather than just having my parents expect them of me and ignoring them and me as a result, I would have had a much better self image.  But when you do your best and no one ever acknowledges it, you feel like you can’t live up to your parents’ expectations and therefore, have low self-esteem, even when it isn’t justified.

So, to dear Lindsey, I want to thank you so much for sharing your story and for helping me to understand some things about myself that I had not understood before.  And hopefully Lindsey’s story will help other parents to take a second look at the interactions between themselves and their children.  If they listen to their children and hear what they are really saying, everyone will live a much happier life and have a much better relationship, one with another.

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