I don’t know how many of you watch the show, “So You Think You Can Dance”, but I have been enjoying it for many seasons and it always seems to inspire something in me.  This year is no different.  As an outgrowth of the show, next Saturday, July 31, 2010 has been declared “National Dance Day” and there is a movement on to get everyone up and moving.  If you check out the website, you will see where events have been organized throughout the country or you can put your own party or gathering together or you can just get up and dance all by yourself.

As I was watching one of the shows the other night from earlier in the season, a young man who had shown up for an audition in the past was featured in a special presentation on the show.  Bryan Gaynor has scoliosis and just about any movement that he does is a real source of pain in his spine.  However, his love of dance has overshadowed this and he continues to push himself to his limits, pain and all.  What an inspiration!!!

The National Dance Day and this performer got me to thinking about the times when I was a child when I really wanted to learn how to tap dance.  Although I did not have the opportunity while growing up, I did give it a try on a couple of occasions in the past but never got past a couple of classes because whomever I enticed to try it with me always ended up dropping out and subsequently, so did I.

The next thought I had was that this was still something that I wish I had had the opportunity to do but now I was too old to do so.  After all my teens and ‘20’s, etc. were long gone.  But I still have this desire to tap dance.  As I thought about the young man who pursued his dancing dreams even with the pain of scoliosis, I asked myself why I shouldn’t give it a try.  I had no answer.  I could go to my grave still wanting to tap dance or I could choose to just do it.  My choice is that it is not too late to dance because I still have two good legs and a desire that just won’t go away.  So this coming week, I will find a person who is willing to teach tap dancing to me and I will be following the dream that I have held for all of these years.

I would like for all of you dreamers to join me.  I know that your desire most likely is not tap dancing but how about if you would think of something that you have always wanted to do and just decide to do it.  Whatever it may be, it is never too late.  It doesn’t have to become your future career or it doesn’t have to be something that you share with others and it is not a choice that should be made by anyone else.  And if you do choose to try something that you have always wanted to do and it turns out to be something that you find that you really don’t want to pursue over a period of time, you can always walk away with the knowledge that you gave it a try and now you no longer have to wonder “what if”. 

For those who choose to join me in doing something that you have wanted to do but have not done so until now, I would love to hear from you.  Please share with me your choice and what you are planning to do as I really would enjoy following your endeavors, and if you approve, I would like to share your journey with others in the hope that they, too, might be inspired to follow a dream.

Is it ever too late to follow your dreams? SHARE

I was recently reading an article about Mary Murphy, one of the judges on the show, “So You Think You Can Dance”, about her experiences as a domestic abuse survivor following a 9-year marriage.  One of the recurring themes in such stories is connected to the shame that a woman or man feels when they are in an abusive situation and I know from my own personal experience what that is like. 

The shame appears in many different forms.  For me, I felt that I was a fairly well-educated person who should have been smart enough never to have gotten into such a relationship in the first place.  But, it didn’t take long for me to understand that when you love someone, so many things that you would normally see were the situation being viewed from the outside are never even noticed when you are in the middle of it.  After all, here was this attractive guy who was interested in me and who thought that I was someone special.  Wow, no one else has ever seen me in that way and how could I not love this?  And when he wanted to marry me and spend the rest of his life with me, I felt like the most fortunate person in the world.

For Mary, the abuse began 3 months into the marriage.  For me, it was 4 months.  For her, she initially tried to fight back but it took only being hit for the first time that I learned that would never be a good idea.  I quickly realized that any challenge would bring additional consequences and if I did as I was told, things would be a lot easier for me.  Of course, that didn’t mean that everything went smoothly from there.  There were always the times when I was attacked and would find myself with a loaded gun in my face just because he believed in his less than sober state that I had done something wrong or that I was thinking the wrong thoughts.  It didn’t take long to figure out that he was the one who was cheating on me and that he felt that if he came home and went on the offensive by attacking me, he would never have to deal with any of the consequences for his bad behavior.  He was right and in fact, I began to pray that he would find someone else and just leave me for her but no such luck.

The other part of the shame results in the silence that comes with these situations.  For me, my in-laws knew what was going on.  The only thing that my father-in-law ever said was had he known that we were planning to get married (we eloped), he would have tried to talk me out of doing so.  But, my mother-in-law thought that the sun rose and set on her only child and she blamed me for any and all problems that were occurring in the marriage.  And I believed her.  Therefore, I couldn’t tell anyone about the failure that I was and I had to find a way to fix everything.  After all, when you are still young and in your 20’s, you believe those adults who are older and more experienced.

It took me 10 years to finally leave even though I was promised that I would be hunted down and killed if I ever did so.  After I left, I learned that everyone knew what was going on but no one said a word.  Actually, I was grateful that they hadn’t because it may have made my life even harder within that marriage had anyone tried to intercede on my behalf.  And if someone had stepped in and been injured or worse, as a result, I would have lived with the guilt forever.

With time and talking to others, the shame has gone away.  I have learned that had I chosen to do so, I could have found a friend in whom I could have safely confided. I could have found a way to safely get away and I could have found the resources that would have allowed me to make a new start.  And for anyone reading this blog, you can, too.  There are many, many of us out here who have traveled the road on which you currently find yourself.  We know that there is no reason to be ashamed about the place in which you find yourself.  And we want you to know that there is help available.  If you can’t or don’t want to turn to your family and/or friends, you may want to contact the organization, Safe Horizon, at the email address shown here: http://www.safehorizon.org/.  Help is available if you choose it.  And you have absolutely nothing for which to feel any shame.  You have not done anything wrong.

I always love your comments.

Let’s qualify that title a bit.  I am not referring to those “reality” programs that have contestants eating bugs or doing stupid tricks and I am not naïve enough to believe that editing is not the single biggest component in the final product that we see in each weekly episode.  But, I have a genuine fascination with the working of people’s minds as they try to maneuver and manipulate others to do/view things in the same way as they do.

These programs break down into two categories.  The first is the talent competitions that include participants who are being judged.  My particular interest is in those judges and the commentary that they direct not only to the performers but to the other judges and most importantly, what they throw out to the audience who will be those who will ultimately cast their votes. 

I have kept a little mental log regarding the judges’ comments which are skewed toward their favorites and the ultimate viewer voting.  It is absolutely unbelievable how the audience vote is almost always the same as the judges except for one show, which I will discuss in a minute.  For me, a perfect example of that was the recent finale of “So You Think You Can Dance”.  The season leaders and consistently best performers were thrown under the bus in the last show and the resulting outcome was exactly the performer to whom the two main judges had thrown their support in that final performance show.  I must say that if it weren’t for my love of the wonderfully choreographed routines being performed by such incredibly talented dancers, I really would never watch the show again.

The only show that I have seen where the voters’ voting does not normally follow the judges’ commentary is “American Idol” and I really do find that rather refreshing.  The part that I haven’t figured out yet regarding that show is whether the viewers purposely vote against Simon Cowell because of his abrasive remarks or whether they are truly voting based upon their own favorites.  Since I have not really followed this show, I will have to do some future analysis in order to make a better determination.

The second type of shows that intrigues me is the type like “Big Brother”.  Now in its 11^th season, I have been a fan since the beginning.  In this show, they put together a group of approximately 12 individuals from various backgrounds to live together in a secluded house for 3 months.  Each week, the houseguests vote out one of the remaining group until the final two appear before a jury of the voted out houseguests who have been kept in a second secluded location after having been voted out of the main house.  The voted out houseguests determine the winner.

This is the most interesting competition to me.  I am so intrigued by the different ways in which the players choose to play the game, how and when they make alliances, how they change their approaches when certain tactics don’t work, how they backstab each other and so forth.  I have actually subscribed to the 24-hour internet feed from the house so that I can see so much more than what the edited version can ever show in 3 episodes a week.  And when that final vote comes from the previously evicted houseguests, I feel as though the winner is truly the one who should be winning the prize.

I don’t know whether others perceive reality shows in any particular way like I do or whether they just watch for the sheer entertainment value that they provide but if you do have a certain fascination with a show or a group of shows, I would really like for you to share them.

I would love your comments.

“So You Think You Can Dance” choreographer Tyce DiOrio created an unbelievably moving dance routine for this week’s episode centered on a woman with breast cancer. The number was performed by Ade (pronounced Ah-day) and Melissa who danced so beautifully that everyone, including all of the judges, was moved to tears.

As was discussed collectively in comments from judges Nigel Lythgoe, Mary Murphy, Mia Michaels, and Ellen DeGeneres, just about everyone knows a woman who has been affected by breast cancer. So many of these women fight the fight to survive and keep trying to assure their loved ones that they will make it and that they should not worry about them. And as I sat and watched, I was so moved that I missed so much of the dance and the commentary that I had to wait and watch the piece over again. Thank heavens that I had recorded the show and although a number of friends had asked me whether I had watched the show, I explained that I hadn’t been able to do so and they alerted me that something very special had occurred and that they wanted to know what I thought about it once I had a chance to see it. But no one told me exactly what to expect.

I suppose that I was especially touched because I had just returned from a visit to my doctor earlier in the day for a pre-op exam and a trip to the lab for tests in advance of my fourth surgery in connection with my own breast cancer. The surgery is scheduled for Thursday, July 30th which is the two-year anniversary of the first day that I walked into my doctor’s office after having discovered a mass in my breast. It was after the discovery of cancer again just a little more than 4 months after my first surgery that my husband inspired me to write a weekly blog and to create this website where my main goal has been for others to come and write and share so that those who are fighting cancer, those who have become survivors and those who are the loved ones of both survivors and those who lost their battles know that we are here to help them and to let them know that we are all in this together.

I am so impressed that Tyce DiOrio was able to bring the world of dance together with the message of the devastation of breast cancer and the effect that it has on everyone who becomes a part of this story. The portrayal of the support that is provided by family and friends and caregivers to the cancer patient is one that cannot be overemphasized. There are absolutely no words that can ever be spoken or written to tell our supporters what they mean to us. I know from my own experiences that without my husband, my journey down this path may not have had such a successful outcome. So thank you to all of those involved who moved this story to the forefront through dance and to all of those of you who have written with your support and for those who have been inspired by the sharing of our individual stories. Standing together, we can truly all make a difference.

I’ve added the video for those who would love to watch it again. After you watch it, I would love to know how it touched you.

I would love your comment on how this beautiful dance touched you.