As I headed back to work this week after the holiday season to start the New Year full of enthusiasm and visions and new goals, I was immediately met by a number of people who were doing nothing more than whining and groaning about all different facets of their lives and how miserable they were.  Being the person that I am, I immediately offered assistance, an ear for listening, some comforting words, etc. but it seemed that nothing was going to work.  I took the time to really listen to each one of them and have now come to the conclusion that I was doing nothing but wasting my good energy and vowed that I would never do that again.

“Nothing ever changes” is now a remark to send me immediately running in the opposite direction.  Of course, everything keeps changing in some way all of the time but if you believe otherwise then you will never take any action to change something that is not working in your life.  “I can’t” is another mindset that will no longer set me to finding a way to show someone that they can.  “You don’t understand”, which while I may never have had the exact experience, more than likely I had a similar experience, is the way of saying that since you don’t understand, you can’t do anything to help and I, the sufferer, am not going to do anything either.

What a way to live!  There is not a single person in this world who has had a perfect life and never had to deal with adversity.  Just like everything else, how you look at life and what you do with your life is a matter of choice.  But, so many people will not take responsibility for their choices and look to others for only pity and sympathy.  For anyone who comes my way who is looking to me for help or to listen to them when all they want is my attention might just as well not waste their time anymore.  In the past, I would have listened and tried to help but if the other person wasn’t willing to do anything to change, when and if I removed myself from their presence, I always felt guilty and questioned myself about whether there wasn’t something else I could have done to make a difference. 

Now I have finally learned.  If you don’t like your job, let’s see what we can do to find you a new one.  But if all you want to do is talk about how rough it is for you every day and you are not willing to take any action, I’m gone.

Can’t find the right guy?  Let’s take a look at how you are presenting yourself, where you are looking for someone, what type of a man you are looking for, etc.  But if all you want to do is talk about how men are all alike, how they are all pigs, how there are no good men left anymore, then I think that you should just wallow in your own misery while I spend my time with someone who may need my help and assistance.

I have lots of things that I want to accomplish in my life, many of which I am not even aware at this time.  I want to find those opportunities, to work toward the goals that I set and be happy with the choices that I make.  And I want to be with other people who think and more importantly, do things to accomplish whatever they wish to pursue.  So, if all you want to do is whine and complain and moan and groan and gossip, I will not be your friend in the future because frankly, I will not have the time because I will be busy doing things with others who make a positive impact on my life, their lives and the lives of others.

How do you handle whiners?  COMMENTS

I have a theory. If each one of us took the time to consider the consequences of our actions before we said or did something, we could create a really happy life for ourselves. I came to this conclusion recently as I contemplated how to best handle a rather sticky situation with which I am currently dealing. Quickly stated, I recently had a consultation with a doctor to whom I had been referred by the medical group in which I am enrolled. At the end of the consultation, I was a bit uncomfortable with the way he had chosen to address the matter under discussion and as a result of his subsequent actions I had decided that I did not have the trust in him to perform a surgery that I would need. But then I started to second guess myself. After all, I am not a doctor. What do I know about this procedure? But, I just could not shake the feeling that there was something wrong and that perhaps part of the hesitancy on my part was that I didn’t want to confront the matter.

Then I became extremely uncomfortable about having to confront this situation but I knew in my gut that I could not just let the matter go. I knew that I did not want to create any type of a bad situation for this doctor. After all, he just wasn’t the right one for me but I am sure that there are plenty of other individuals who have been very pleased with him. I needed to find another doctor but I wasn’t sure how I should do that. I considered asking my primary care physician but I had called her and asked for a recommendation before I made the appointment for the consultation and she indicated that any one of three within the group was fine. So, now I have eliminated my PCP. In addition, I don’t think that I would have been comfortable walking into the same office to see either of the other two doctors that were in the same practice after “firing” their partner.

The situation was growing. This surgery was to be one of a two part surgery being done by two different surgeons. I had discussed the matter with the other surgeon before my consultation and he indicated that he knew the other surgeon and he even addressed the matter with him directly before my consultation. After the consultation the two doctors spoke again and the consulting doctor indicated to the second doctor that he did not want to do the combo surgery and after hearing his explanation, the second doctor called me and indicated that he was fine with doing them separately.

I called my second doctor back and am waiting to hear from him. As I wait for a call back, I keep running over and over in my mind how I want to explain the situation without coming off “wrong”. I wake up during the night trying to figure out exactly what I want to say and then I can’t go back to sleep. I am getting nervous with the anticipation. But finally this afternoon, I decided that enough is enough. I have taken into consideration all of the information with which I have to work. I have researched the names of some other doctors who meet the criteria that I need and plan to ask for a recommendation from my doctor when he calls. And if he doesn’t have a recommendation, I will just have a consultation with one of the other choices and make a decision when I have met with a doctor with whom I am comfortable. After all, this is my surgery and I must first consider what is best for me and take responsibility for my choices. It doesn’t really matter what another doctor may think about those choices. This is my life and I need to be comfortable and in a positive frame of mind in order to expect the best outcome. And that applies to every aspect of my life. Now I have a smile back on my face!