In last week’s blog, I requested that you share your stories with me so that I could share them with others as a way of letting everyone know that regardless of what you have lived in your life, there are others who have shared the same experience.  In the midst of all of the stories that I received from so many different sources was the one from Lindsey, a young lady of 12 years who wrote as follows:

I am 12 years old. I am living the life I have always dreamed of, being home schooled gives me the opportunities I never thought possible. Now, I left middle school because of my indifference to those sassy 13 year olds.  They think they can do whatever they want.  No I don’t think I am a dragon warrior, I am actually quite normal but too different. 

These couple of sentences have been running through my mind all week.  I am so astounded that a young lady is living a happy life at her age and has been so appreciative of that to be able to share here story here. And the reason is obviously because she has someone in her life that cared enough to not only listen to her but also to hear what she was saying.

This brought me to memories of my days in junior high and how I always worked so hard to reach perfection but no matter what I did, it never seemed to be enough to receive the praise and attention that I really craved from my parents.  And on this Valentine’s Day, these thoughts then took me to a very special Valentine’s Day dinner that I shared with my parents many years later.  As we were discussing many things from the past, I raised the point that as I was growing up, I felt that I was pretty much ignored and did not received the attention that my older sister and younger brother had always received.  My parents actually agreed that this was true and for that, I will always be grateful so that I don’t think it was just my childish imagination.

You see, I was that middle child whose younger sibling came along only 16 months after me.  Therefore, as my parents explained, there was never time for me to be the baby.  As we grew up, I always did well in whatever I pursued so they did not need to spend the time with me that they needed to give to my sister and brother. 

I could go on and on but there is no need to do so because the message is that the most important thing that anyone can do for their children is to give time and attention to each and everyone of them in accordance with their individual needs.  Had I been recognized for my achievements along the way rather than just having my parents expect them of me and ignoring them and me as a result, I would have had a much better self image.  But when you do your best and no one ever acknowledges it, you feel like you can’t live up to your parents’ expectations and therefore, have low self-esteem, even when it isn’t justified.

So, to dear Lindsey, I want to thank you so much for sharing your story and for helping me to understand some things about myself that I had not understood before.  And hopefully Lindsey’s story will help other parents to take a second look at the interactions between themselves and their children.  If they listen to their children and hear what they are really saying, everyone will live a much happier life and have a much better relationship, one with another.

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The most important relationship that any girl has with a parent is the one with her father.   As today is Father’s Day, I felt that it was only fitting to discuss the relationship that I had with my own father that formulated the person that I am today.

First of all, I would like to make it perfectly clear that I loved and respected my father very much. But, my father was raised in a very strict environment and that is the home that he created for us.  I was the middle child with an older sister and younger brother.  My brother was only 15 months younger than me so I was never really the baby.  As for my sister, she was the first to experience everything so that it wasn’t as exciting by the time things were handed down to me.  Of course, this included clothing as well as just about anything else that you can think of.

The biggest thing that both my sister and I faced with our father was that he was extremely concerned with our appearance.  For my sister, at a young age (under 10), he put her on an exercise regimen that included sit-ups, etc.   Since that didn’t work for my sister, he decided that he would put me on a diet and if I didn’t lose 10 pounds by summer, I was not going to be allowed to wear shorts.

The other big thing for me was that my father, and later my brother, never felt that I measured up to my potential.  Nothing that I could do was ever good enough.  When I got great grades in school, it was expected, not rewarded as they were for my brother and sister.  When I became a cheerleader, my parents never once came to any game or to any parade in which we marched.  When it was college time, there were three of us in school at the same time so I stayed at home to go to college and worked every day after school from the time that I was 16 so that I could pay for my own education.  My reward was that there was never enough money left for me to get new clothes, etc. after they got those things for my brother and sister and paid for them to go to college out of town.

As a result, when I found a man who was interested in me and gave me attention, I was “grateful”, I guess.  I finally had a male who thought that I was something special.  My dad didn’t seem to think that I was special so I would show him.  And when I got married and my dad told me that I was not welcome in his home if I brought my husband because he did not approve of him, well, that was the final straw.

Although I didn’t experience any abuse from my husband until after we were several months into the marriage, I could not bring myself to let anyone know.  After all, I had once again proven my dad right by not being smart enough to know what I was getting myself into.  It was up to me to either fix it or be smart enough to find my way out of it.  What a mess! 

I never did figure out what was going on at the time that I was in that relationship but I did learn so much about myself.  Although it took until the point where I could not stand the abuse any longer for me to leave, I am so glad that I had the presence of mind to do so.  And the most interesting thing is that it was my mother and father who were there to move me out the day that I left.  How ironic!

I would love your comments.