About two months ago, one of my friends from Twitter and Facebook contacted me about suggesting some sights and sounds to enjoy in my local area.  It seems that she was planning a trip from Norway that included a bit of the Los Angeles, CA area and she wanted to know what she most needed to see on this, her first foray into southern California.  I provided her with a list of highlights but the more I thought about it, the more I wanted to have the opportunity to meet a friend that I had met in cyberspace.  After all, I know what I thought I knew about this person.

I finally got up the nerve to suggest that we meet face to face and once she seemed amenable to the idea, I was ecstatic.  After all, she was coming here to get together with some of her other friends and was willing for us to spend a day of that precious time together.  I thought of a whole lot of places to go and things to see and stuff to do but then I realized that if the focus was on all of that, I would never have the chance to really get to know her and that was the most important thing.

On the appointed day, Kirk and I headed off to the hotel where she was staying and then off to the beach where it was quite cold and windy.  We had lunch there and walked around on the pier for a bit and then headed off to Melrose Avenue in Hollywood to explore some shops before heading back to her hotel for a bit of dinner before saying our goodbyes.  Where we went and what we did soon paled in comparison to the conversation that we had and the opportunity that we had to get to know each other.  It was a super experience that I know will not be soon forgotten.

It seems that my friend, Moki, is exactly the person that I thought she would be.  She was so kind and loving and warm and Kirk and I, as well as Moki, felt like we had known each other for many years.  We talked about ourselves, our families, how we met and what we are looking forward to doing in the future.  We laughed and chatted about the silly goings-on around us as the time flew by so fast that I couldn’t believe it.  We talked about getting together again and including the rest of her family when we do so.  And we do plan to Skype each other on Christmas Day in order to share our holiday greetings across the miles.

I don’t know about anyone else but I have never felt more grateful for social media and how it brings people together from around the world.  If it were not for our chatting online, Moki and Kirk and I would never have met one another and that would have been a very sad thing.  This opportunity has given me an extra special holiday gift, a friendship that will now last a lifetime.  There is no Christmas list that could ever have produced a gift like that.

As I pondered the blogs from the last several weeks about domestic violence, I started to think about how we all treat one another.  While certainly there are incidences where people act out against strangers, generally speaking, I am referring to how we treat those who are close to us, and more specifically, those to whom we refer to as a “friend”.  While there are those who are family, co-workers, associates and

If you are my friend, I have no expectations about our relationship.  I know that we are two individuals who will never think or be the same and that is as it should be.  I will never tell you how you should think or act or conduct yourself and I expect the same in return.  If you ask me my opinion about something, I will tell you how I personally would handle a certain situations but I am not in a position to tell you what you should do as I have never walked a mile in your shoes.  And I expect that I will not always be in agreement with the choices of my friends but I back them 100% in their choices as long as they are not doing something to purposely hurt someone else. 

If you are my friend, I am there to help.  If you need someone to listen, I am there.  If you need help in any other way, I will do my best to assist.  If you are in trouble, you can call on me and know that I am there for you.  I neither ask nor want anything in return.  But I do expect that if I need help, my friends will be there for me and for those that they call “friend”. 

If you are my friend, there are no judgments.  I would hope that my friends would never do anything to hurt me or harm me and they can expect the same from me, too.  Friends are very special and treasured people who mutually love and respect one another.  Friends are those who are fun to be with and who know private portions of us that most others do not.  Friends are those who have our best interests at heart and are those who truly love us.  And friends are those who, if we make a mistake or do something that has hurt them, will give us a second chance and the opportunity to apologize. 

I must say that at one point, I dismissed someone that I had called “friend”.  I had noticed that she only came around when she wanted something and in further discussions with mutual friends, I learned that she was doing the same to them within their own spheres of influence.  But that certainly is the exception.  I do find that I tend to trust people until such time as they do something for me to lose that trust but normally that will occur long before I am at the point where someone is actually someone I consider to be a friend. 

Yes, if you are my friend, you will know it.  You are someone who is so special to me that I want to celebrate you including on the holidays and your birthday.  You are someone with whom I want to stay in contact and share our experiences in any way that we can.  I also know and understand that there will be times when we do not hear from one another for a long time and that is just fine.  As friends, we know that we are still there for one another and will catch up when time allows. 

Now, as the holidays are fast approaching, I need to get back to doing some shopping for gifts for my friends which is where the whole idea for this blog began.  See, that is just one more way that shows how helpful my friends really are to me?

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That’s correct! After a 5-year friendship, I received a call from someone who was planning to be in the area for the next few days and wanted to get together. I told her that I was not interested in doing so and after a brief discussion I wished her all the best for her future, told her that I had nothing more to say and that I was hanging up. And that is what I did. I knew that it was the right thing to do but I had surprised myself in actually doing so. And when I talked to Kirk about it, he reminded me that I had done this once before – almost 12 years ago. Wow, now I really had to figure this out.

I have known for some time that this friend only contacted me when she wanted something. I felt sorry for her as she seemed to go from one big problem to another. I tried to help her in any way that I could and soon realized that although she would come to me to find answers she continued the same old patterns. That was fine with me until I started to resent her taking my time, my efforts and a whole lot more and wasting it. When she chose to move out of state almost a year ago, I felt that my problem had been solved.

So when she called me out of the clear, blue sky, I just answered her truthfully and sent her on her way. And then I started to feel a bit guilty because I knew that she didn’t understand what had happened even though I did explain to her the reason behind my choice. I kept thinking about it and thinking about it and then decided that there was something that I had not learned when I had released another friend in the past.

I have since come to the realization that I had the answer inside if I would just stop and listen. Why in heaven’s name would I want to have a relationship let alone a friendship with a person from whom I do not want to hear? And why should I feel badly about letting go of someone whose treatment of me is not acceptable to me? Why should I put someone else’s feelings ahead of my own? This is not a difficult decision. If I don’t want to spend time or interact with someone else who would fall into the “friend” category, then just don’t do it.

I believe that everyone who comes into our lives is there for a reason and that sometimes a person is there only long enough to teach us a lesson. Had I learned that 12 years ago when I fired a friend, I would not have needed to repeat the same lesson. But, I guarantee that I have learned this time and now I can move on to something else knowing full well that my “friend” has also had an opportunity to learn something about her friendships. I hope that it works for her too, so that she does not have to repeat the same lesson.

In the meantime, I have made plans with some of my real friends with whom I really enjoy spending my time and I am so very grateful to have them in my life. And I will always spend the biggest moments in my life with my very best friend, my wonderful husband, Kirk! And that is exactly what works for me and I know deep down inside is exactly what is right for me.

I would love your comments.

Today is April 8^th and this is a very special day in my life.  It was my father’s birthday.  My father passed away on January 2, 1989.  On April 8, 1989, I met Kirk and another special friend.  I remember that as I returned home after meeting these two people that I realized that it was my father’s birthday and I thanked him for the gifts that he had sent to me on his special day.  Little did I realize at that time that my father had actually sent to me that day the man that would ultimately become my husband.

Kirk and I had moved to Nashville at the request of some music executives that were starting a new record company and who wanted to have Kirk record for their new label.  However, they never received the final funding for their new venture so we saved up our money and moved back to the Los Angeles area to start over.  I had taken a temp position with a company with whom I wanted to have a long-term association and I was hired as a permanent employee starting on, of course, April 8^th.  And I am still working for that same company today – 12 years later.

I believe that this was my dad’s way of helping me after he had crossed over to the other side.  I don’t think that anything happens by accident nor do I believe in coincidences.  If I take the time to think about things in retrospect, I can see how the happenings in life have a purpose and how they provide me with the opportunity to learn new lessons at each step of the way.  And as long as I continue to think this way, I find that everything that happens allows me to grow in peace, prosperity and happiness in this life.

My ultimate challenge is finding a way to help others to understand this basic premise.  Life is simple.  If we choose, we can make it difficult but it doesn’t have to be that way.  I recently had a long conversation with a friend who was totally in the “Woe is me!” mode, who believes that the tough times that she has experienced are some of the worst ever and who faces each day worrying that more of the same trials will come her way.  It was most difficult for me to not say to her that as long as she stays in that mode of thinking, more than likely, those same trials will, in fact, come her way.

There are three things in play here for her.  First, we manifest what we think and believe.  As long as she puts out into the universe that she expects more trials and tribulations that is exactly what she will draw to herself.  Second, in each tough moment, we have the opportunity to learn a lesson.  If we choose not to learn our lessons, we will have the opportunity to have more and more of the same experiences until we do learn or until we crumble under the weight of the negativity that we have created for ourselves.  And third, we need to take responsibility for the choices that we make.  I will reserve further comment on that until next week.

I thank my father for the gifts that he has sent my way since his passing, not only on his birthday but throughout the years.  I thank him for showing me the purpose of awareness so that I have been able to expand it into all facets of my life.  And I thank him now for the help that he will provide in the future in helping me to find the way to share the things that he has taught me in my quest to help others.  And I will know exactly the moment when that happens as I will have been able to help someone else to understand the things that I know and live.  I just can’t wait for that to happen so that I can share his gifts with others.