In a recent discussion with a friend, we were brainstorming ideas about how to approach a certain project that I was going to undertake.  But, before I knew it, she was telling me exactly the approach that I should take, how I should go about laying it out, how I should measure the accomplishment of my goals and the manner in which I should structure a timeline for completion.  As I sat there listening to her, I suddenly realized that I did not appreciate what she was doing and the fact that as she had no real idea about the underlying results that I wanted to achieve, how could she dictate what should be done.

I did hear her out and walked away from her vowing never to bring her into such a discussion again.  That made me a little sad because I knew that by not consulting with her in the future, I may miss out on a brilliant idea that I may not otherwise have considered.  I guess I was just trying to determine where the line needs to be drawn in such situations.

As I pondered this for awhile, I realized that I had taken her behavior very personally.  And the longer I thought about it, the angrier I got.  If this were the first project that I had ever undertaken for myself, then I might have appreciated the guidance through the various logistical steps.  But such was not the case and I had already established a great reputation for myself based upon my past efforts.  So I went back to my original assessment of not asking her for any input in the future and I will tell you why.

No one knows me better than I know myself.  I know my personal experiences and I know what I have learned in the professional world as I have passed through many different experiences over the years.  And one thing that I have learned is that you never tell another person what to do.  Another person may not have had your same experiences so by telling them to do something in a particular way, they may have no frame of reference in which to do that.  Another reason is that when you sit down to share ideas, the goal is to do just that – come up with lots of different possibilities. And most importantly, when the friend is not someone who shares in doing the same types of projects that you are going to undertake, how can they outline what and how you should do it.

So, I am asking all of my family, friends, co-workers and other business colleagues to please not tell me what to do.  Please afford me the respect of sharing ideas and if you think I should be doing something differently than I am, there are lots of ways to help me out that are not disrespectful to me.  For me, the easiest is to say something like, “If it were me, I would …”.  You have not walked a mile in my shoes so you can’t possibly know what will work for me personally.  And I don’t know your particular experiences and how they may have affected you so I can’t tell you what will be the best course for you. 

And if I find myself headed down the path of telling someone else how they should feel or what they should do, I just remember an exchange that my sister and I recently had wherein we recalled something that our parents had said to us many years ago.  Our individual recollections were so totally different because of who we were, how we interacted with our parents and what we believed about ourselves as individuals at that time.  So trust your own instincts and make your decisions based upon what works best for you and you will never go wrong.  The smartest person you know does not know you better than you know yourself so they have no business telling you what to do either.

I would love your comments.

As I wrote last week, I have spent the last couple of weeks reflecting upon my life and one question had come to my mind – if I could have any ONE thing to come into my life at this moment, what would it be?  At the same time, I had asked you to answer the same question before I revealed my wish to you and I am grateful that I did as your responses confirmed that I really was on the right track.

For those who come here on a regular basis, you have already discovered that I am here for one purpose and that is to help and support anyone who would like to “talk”.  Each week, I discover more and more wonderful friends with whom I can share and understand some of our mutual experiences in life.  Regardless in which form they appear, mostly everyone has some things that have happened in their lives that they would like to share and discuss with others who have had the same experiences.  When you do, you don’t feel so alone or ashamed or isolated and so on.  This brings me to share with you what I want.

I want to have a life where I can spend my time in communications with those who need my help.  While I do not have a degree in psychology or psychiatry, I do believe that I am in a position to help in ways that no other person can because of my life experiences.  I know how hard it is to go inside and find the answers for questions that haven’t even been asked.  I know about the essential goodness in each person and the barriers that we create to protect ourselves.  I know how hard it is to create new habits wherein we realize we are not all of the awful things that someone has told us that we are.  And I know how rewarding it is to do the work necessary to create a new life for yourself that is built on self-love and self-respect.

The other part of this wish is that in order to do what I want, I need to find a way to make it my work on a full-time basis, not just when I can find some time during the day and on weekends.  And although at this moment I haven’t the slightest idea of how to make this happen, I know that there is a way and that the answer will come as always and more than likely, when I least expect it.  In the interim, I will do my best to keep up the correspondence with all that choose to write and I want you to know that for as much as you think that I have helped you, you can’t begin to imagine how much you have all helped me.  For that I thank you so very much and know that I am eternally grateful.

I would love your comments.

That’s correct! After a 5-year friendship, I received a call from someone who was planning to be in the area for the next few days and wanted to get together. I told her that I was not interested in doing so and after a brief discussion I wished her all the best for her future, told her that I had nothing more to say and that I was hanging up. And that is what I did. I knew that it was the right thing to do but I had surprised myself in actually doing so. And when I talked to Kirk about it, he reminded me that I had done this once before – almost 12 years ago. Wow, now I really had to figure this out.

I have known for some time that this friend only contacted me when she wanted something. I felt sorry for her as she seemed to go from one big problem to another. I tried to help her in any way that I could and soon realized that although she would come to me to find answers she continued the same old patterns. That was fine with me until I started to resent her taking my time, my efforts and a whole lot more and wasting it. When she chose to move out of state almost a year ago, I felt that my problem had been solved.

So when she called me out of the clear, blue sky, I just answered her truthfully and sent her on her way. And then I started to feel a bit guilty because I knew that she didn’t understand what had happened even though I did explain to her the reason behind my choice. I kept thinking about it and thinking about it and then decided that there was something that I had not learned when I had released another friend in the past.

I have since come to the realization that I had the answer inside if I would just stop and listen. Why in heaven’s name would I want to have a relationship let alone a friendship with a person from whom I do not want to hear? And why should I feel badly about letting go of someone whose treatment of me is not acceptable to me? Why should I put someone else’s feelings ahead of my own? This is not a difficult decision. If I don’t want to spend time or interact with someone else who would fall into the “friend” category, then just don’t do it.

I believe that everyone who comes into our lives is there for a reason and that sometimes a person is there only long enough to teach us a lesson. Had I learned that 12 years ago when I fired a friend, I would not have needed to repeat the same lesson. But, I guarantee that I have learned this time and now I can move on to something else knowing full well that my “friend” has also had an opportunity to learn something about her friendships. I hope that it works for her too, so that she does not have to repeat the same lesson.

In the meantime, I have made plans with some of my real friends with whom I really enjoy spending my time and I am so very grateful to have them in my life. And I will always spend the biggest moments in my life with my very best friend, my wonderful husband, Kirk! And that is exactly what works for me and I know deep down inside is exactly what is right for me.

I would love your comments.

Although the final count is not tallied, the Crespi Carmelite High School male lacrosse team raised more than $44,000.00 by the start of their premiere event that was held yesterday at the school. What an awesome result in only two months!

The guys will be sponsoring a variety of other events in their effort to raise $140,000.00 by the end of the year. They are also looking forward to meeting up with three other lacrosse teams in New York City on April 9th and walking the last 6.98 miles of their total goal of 5,500 miles which is the distance from the Brooklyn side of the Brooklyn Bridge to Time Square where they want to present a check to Robin Roberts on “Good Morning America”.

For those who missed it, the team had a very special last minute walker join their them.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jIKaM0cnXrw]

Now despite all of his hard work, Guy was not successful in raising so much as a single dollar for his efforts. So he has decided to keep on walking and walking and walking until such time as he sees some positive results and can collect some funds in his name in support of this cause.

As soon as he is rested and can begin the next step on this journey, we will post more videos on his behalf so that you can see the progress that he is making.

If you care to donate some funds on behalf of Guy, please let me know by writing to letlifehappen@gmail.com and we will make the necessary arrangements for acceptance of your contribution. And if you would like to follow the progress of the team and their continued fund raising efforts, please log on to the website at www.crespi.dojiggy.com. This is only the beginning of the Coach’s Challenge where high school athletic teams throughout the country are being enlisted to join in this cause.

AN OPEN LETTER TO THE MEMBERS OF THE
CRESPI HIGH SCHOOL MALE LACROSSE TEAM

You don’t know me but you are my heroes. And if you are wondering why, I will tell you. I know about your great efforts to walk and to raise money for the “Walk Like A Man” Walk-a-thon for Breast Cancer Testing and Research. I know what it is like to have to devote so much of your time and effort to meet the challenges that have been given to you by your coaches for this project. And you have to do all of this in addition to your regular school work, your lacrosse practices and all of the responsibilities that you have at home and in other aspects of your personal life!

Well, that is what makes you special. That is what makes you heroes to those that you don’t know but who will be the recipients of the results of your special efforts. For the funds that you raise will be used to continue research and provide testing for those who otherwise would not be able to afford those tests.

I am a breast cancer survivor who was fortunate enough to have medical insurance that provided the testing that I needed. But I want you to know that it is not the surgeries that were the hard part of my experience. It was the not knowing what to do that was the hardest. As a result of being able to have the necessary testing, cancer patients, in conjunction with their medical doctors, have the information that they need in order to make educated choices about the best courses of treatment.

So when the going gets tough out there and it gets harder and harder to reach your goals, please remember that there are lots of us out here in your community who need you. Please remember that it is your efforts that will help to save our lives and many more lives in the future. And when you go to bed at night, you will know that there are people who look to you as heroes because you helped to save their lives. I think that you will be able to rest assured that although it may have been tough to do what was expected of you for this walk, it was all worthwhile knowing that you made such a huge difference. Your efforts are appreciated more than you will ever know.

I will be at your walk on February 14th and it is my goal to meet each one of you personally. I want to shake your hand and thank you and let you know what a privilege it is to meet such awesome guys who are such a positive representation of the hope for the future of this country.

For those of you who may be reading this letter who are not members of this team and are willing to help with this cause, please let me know at letlifehappen@gmail.com or go to the school’s website at www.crespi.dojiggy.com. Please help me to acknowledge the wonderful work that is being done by these young people by letting them know how much it is appreciated.

Yes, I wrote “Merry Christmas”, not Happy Holidays or Season’s Greetings or whatever else is suppose to be politically correct these days. I respect all holidays throughout the year and the remembrance that each represents and Christmas is no exception. The spirit of the season is just wonderful.

Of course I don’t expect everyone to embrace this spirit. There are many reasons that people choose not to do so and I truly feel sorry for them as they are missing out on something that is pretty special. I don’t care what your circumstances may be or what you have had on your plate during the past year. The spirit of caring and loving and giving that fills the air at this time of year is freely given to all who want to embrace it and it doesn’t cost a single penny.

I have had Christmases where I was unemployed and had no money for presents. I have had Christmases where I have dealt with personal and family illnesses. I have had Christmases that I could not spend with my family. But, regardless of the situation, I have always found a way to enjoy the holiday, spend it with others and embrace the spirit of the season.

What I have found over the years is that despite whatever else may be going on in my life, the Christmas spirit can override it all. It has never been about the gifts that one can or cannot give and/or receive but rather about the love that one is willing to share. Have you ever noticed the extra laughter in your work place or the efforts made to get together with co-workers and associates and friends? It is all about the spirit of the season.

And most importantly, I am sure that if you focus on all of the wonderful Christmas seasons that you have experienced, they far outweigh those that may have been not so good. Embrace the memories from your childhood and those of the children that have surrounded you over the years. Remember those feelings and you have the opportunity to experience them again year after year if you just choose to embrace the child within. My Christmas Wish for you this season is that you enjoy the peace and warmth and wonder and good will of the season this Christmas and hold on to those feelings for as long as you can for every day in the future.

So it was back to work this week.  I was so happy to have my old routine back and have lots on which to focus.  But most importantly, I was so happy to see all of my colleagues and collect a lots hugs and welcome back greetings.  It sure seemed that it was the work that I had been missing but it didn’t take long to realize that that was only a small portion of it. 

I don’t think that there is anything that is better for the spirit than to be surrounded by lots of wonderful, caring and loving people.  While I was home, there wasn’t a single thing that Kirk would allow me to do.  He took care of everything and waited on me hand and foot.  My every wish immediately elicited a quick and perfect response.  His family all offered tons of support and help in any way possible.  My family called and checked in from all over the country and my sister and her husband kept checking in from Europe.  My friends would call and send emails and offered to do anything that they could to help me and Kirk.  And when I returned to the office, I felt so welcomed and love.

I have always known that the most important factor in my life has been special people.  They add a dimension to life that all the money and all of the stuff could never begin to approach.  There is nothing like the feeling that you get when you see someone that is special to you and see their face light up when they see you coming their way.  If I ever had any doubts about how important that is to me, I have been shown over and over and over again in recent times and it has made all the difference to me.

I want to thank every single person who has added to my life with their prayers and offers of assistance and expressions of love in so many different ways.  And I want to thank every single person who may read these words who has given their love or kind words and show of appreciation to someone else today.  It means so much more than you will ever know.