As we wind down on Breast Cancer Awareness Month, I began to think about some of the real issues for a person diagnosed with breast cancer.  We are very fortunate in this country to have such great medical care available to everyone.  We now are providing testing and care while continuing to do research to find a cure, much of which is funded by all of the contributions made to various organizations during October.  I am personally so grateful for the wonderful doctors and the care and treatment

I suppose the easiest thing to do is to think about what you would want and need from your family and friends if it were you that received this diagnosis.  Every person will act and react differently but for me, respect regarding how I chose to handle things was most important to me.  I did not want others to know about it until after the surgery was over.  Therefore, I would not allow my husband or those at work who needed to know to share this information with anyone.  In retrospect, that was a big mistake on my part as I took away from my husband the opportunity for him to handle this news in the best way possible for him which may have been to have an outlet to discuss it with others who could provide him with the support that he needed.  I should have allowed for him to have those discussions but just indicated that I did not want anyone else to talk to me about what was happening.

I think that most people are willing to help another person who has received such a diagnosis in any way that they can but they just don’t know what to do or say.  I would just indicate that you are available to assist in any way that you can and then take a step back.  Let the person know whether you are willing and available to take them to doctor appointments (and there will be tons of those) if they want.  At the times of surgeries and other treatments where they are not able to function as usual, things such as providing a meal or helping with child care or just spending time with them is appreciated, if that is what is needed.  You will know best about what you can do and what the patient would like or need based upon an individual assessment of the situation.

Most important at this time is allowing the patient to talk about and do as much as they wish.  If a patient wants to talk about how they are feeling, what they are thinking, etc., just listen.  They will tell you what they want you to know.  Limit questions to things like how you can help rather than pushing them to talk or asking medical questions and personal questions which they would prefer not to discuss for any number of reasons.  Being sensitive to the position in which this person finds herself will lead you to know what to do and say.

For some people, try as they might, when they hear that someone they know and love has received a cancer diagnosis, they will head for the hills.  I know that I can’t understand this because it is not something that I could do but I know that it does happen and it happens more often than you might think.   My only suggestion is that others around this patient may have to step up and do double duty, especially if the person who can’t handle the news is a spouse, a close family member or friend on whom the patient was counting.  It is hard enough to go through all of the steps necessary to recover from cancer let alone to lose your emotional support at the same time.  And when all else fails, be sure that the patient’s doctors know what is happening so that they can find a way to provide for the patient’s needs in this arena, too.

More than likely, until we find a cure for cancer, every single one of us will encounter a situation where someone we know is dealing with cancer.  The most important thing is to do only what you want to do for if you do provide help out of a sense of obligation, you will resent it and that resentment will be recognized by the patient.  Caring and love and prayers are always greatly appreciated and anything else above and beyond that is just icing on the cake.  And when in doubt, just allow the patient to take the lead.  The most important thing for the patient will always be the knowing that help and support is available, if needed, and if you are not in a position to provide that help then perhaps you can assist in finding other sources who are able to do so.  After all, we all just want to help one another.

Over the last 2 ½ years that I have been writing this blog, I have written special tributes on a few occasions – to my husband, my brother, my dad and to a close neighbor upon his passing.  This week, I once again find myself moved to add another person to that list as I wind down on the follow up to my reconstructive surgery after my double mastectomy.  This tribute is to Dr. Saul Berger, my cosmetic surgeon, to whom I will always be indebted for not only the great surgeries that he performed but also for all of the support and responsiveness that he provided.  Yes, I have a doctor who really listened to me and responds to my individual needs.

When I was diagnosed with breast cancer for a second time, my cancer surgeon immediately recommended the double mastectomy with reconstruction and I was in complete agreement.  I was recommended to Dr. Berger for a consultation and came away comfortable that he was the right person for me.  A decision had been made to do both the cancer surgery and the first step of reconstruction at the same time.  The cancer surgeon wanted me to stay in the hospital afterward and I was very adamant that I did not want to do so.  I explained my wishes to Dr. Berger and he listened. 

Although he did arrange for a room for after surgery in case I needed it, he did his procedure after the breasts had been removed and monitored my recovery from the anesthesia and cleared me to go home.  That was huge for me as all I wanted was to be left alone in my own bed to sleep or not as felt right for me.  I also had Dr. Berger’s reassurance that should I need him or have any questions or problems, he was only a phone call away.

That was only the first of many times over the course of the next two years that Dr. Berger was there for me through the two additional surgeries and all of the treatment and follow up involved through the reconstruction process.  Here is a doctor who has a very successful cosmetic surgery business but who is devoting so much of his time and effort to breast reconstruction following cancer.  I know about the nights where he gave up personal time and opportunities to perform surgery at 9 p.m. because that was what he needed to do in order to accommodate another surgeon’s schedule and most importantly, what would work for his patient.  I know that a Saturday surgery is never out of the question if that is what is required to help.  Yet every time that I had an appointment for treatment or follow up or pre-surgery, etc., I always had his undivided attention to my personal questions and assessments and needs.

I know how unusual it is to have a doctor who is so talented yet so kind and understanding and who really cares about others and I found myself asking him about the amount of time that he is devoting to breast cancer survivors like me.  As he explained how the numbers were increasing, particularly in young women in their 20’s, he quietly said one thing that will always stick with me – “I can’t imagine not doing it”.  That tells you everything that you need to know about Dr. Berger and the gift that we all have been given who fortunate enough to have had him there with us through the new beginning that comes after the cancer has been removed. 

“So You Think You Can Dance” choreographer Tyce DiOrio created an unbelievably moving dance routine for this week’s episode centered on a woman with breast cancer. The number was performed by Ade (pronounced Ah-day) and Melissa who danced so beautifully that everyone, including all of the judges, was moved to tears.

As was discussed collectively in comments from judges Nigel Lythgoe, Mary Murphy, Mia Michaels, and Ellen DeGeneres, just about everyone knows a woman who has been affected by breast cancer. So many of these women fight the fight to survive and keep trying to assure their loved ones that they will make it and that they should not worry about them. And as I sat and watched, I was so moved that I missed so much of the dance and the commentary that I had to wait and watch the piece over again. Thank heavens that I had recorded the show and although a number of friends had asked me whether I had watched the show, I explained that I hadn’t been able to do so and they alerted me that something very special had occurred and that they wanted to know what I thought about it once I had a chance to see it. But no one told me exactly what to expect.

I suppose that I was especially touched because I had just returned from a visit to my doctor earlier in the day for a pre-op exam and a trip to the lab for tests in advance of my fourth surgery in connection with my own breast cancer. The surgery is scheduled for Thursday, July 30th which is the two-year anniversary of the first day that I walked into my doctor’s office after having discovered a mass in my breast. It was after the discovery of cancer again just a little more than 4 months after my first surgery that my husband inspired me to write a weekly blog and to create this website where my main goal has been for others to come and write and share so that those who are fighting cancer, those who have become survivors and those who are the loved ones of both survivors and those who lost their battles know that we are here to help them and to let them know that we are all in this together.

I am so impressed that Tyce DiOrio was able to bring the world of dance together with the message of the devastation of breast cancer and the effect that it has on everyone who becomes a part of this story. The portrayal of the support that is provided by family and friends and caregivers to the cancer patient is one that cannot be overemphasized. There are absolutely no words that can ever be spoken or written to tell our supporters what they mean to us. I know from my own experiences that without my husband, my journey down this path may not have had such a successful outcome. So thank you to all of those involved who moved this story to the forefront through dance and to all of those of you who have written with your support and for those who have been inspired by the sharing of our individual stories. Standing together, we can truly all make a difference.

I’ve added the video for those who would love to watch it again. After you watch it, I would love to know how it touched you.

I would love your comment on how this beautiful dance touched you.

As I sat here tonight contemplating the first round of my reconstruction surgery on Tuesday, I couldn’t help but realize how fortunate I am to be in this situation.  I have survived two rounds of breast cancer and cannot believe that I have had such wonderful medical personnel with which to work that have provided me with the best of care and testing that has resulted in my diagnoses and surgeries before the cancer had a chance to spread.

I work for the Walt Disney Company.  I have been afforded the opportunity to have great medical insurance that continues to provide coverage that I would never have been able to afford under any other circumstances.  I am surrounded by a great team of co-workers that have been so supportive as I have traveled this journey for more than a year now.  What more could anyone ask for?

I really do find myself at the happiest place on earth.  There are so many more aspects to this company that people never have the opportunity to see.  If you happen to watch the TV show “Extreme Makeover: Home Edition”, you can get an idea of the spirit of this company and for what its employees stand.

Many of my co-workers are part of the Disney VoluntEARS who give countless hours of their time and energy in assisting people in their communities in just about every way imaginable.  The volunteering spirit seems to represent a uniqueness in the character of the people that this company employs.

My wish is that more companies begin to embody the spirit of this company and what it provides for its employees on so many levels.  It not only provides family values and content for its audiences around the world but also those employed here subscribe to the same values and share them in so many ways. 

So as I once again face a surgery on Tuesday, I not only will have my own wonderful family with me to cheer me on and support me along the way but I will also have another whole big team who has already supported my past recoveries and volunteered to help in any way possible.  I can’t begin to tell you how much that means to me. 

Yahoo!!!  With the awesome talents of an internist, a cancer surgeon, a cosmetic surgeon and an anesthesiologist, the blood pressure situation was managed so that my double mastectomy and reconstruction surgery were successfully completed last Thursday and recovery is well under way.  I feel so fortunate to have had such skilled medical people there to remove the cancer, to take aggressive action to remove the second breast and to start the reconstruction and to wake up feeling like I had just had a great night’s sleep. 

Of course, Kirk was right by my side before and after the surgery and his sister and mother both came to the hospital to support him and me.  He has not missed a beat with taking care of every little detail since to make sure that I have had nothing to do but rest and relax.  I just don’t know how someone gets through such times without the support of someone who is so loving and caring and willing to do whatever is necessary.  I just know that each day as I wake I truly appreciate another wonderful day that has been given to me.

And I sure didn’t realize how many wonderful other family members, friends and co-workers that are in my life who have been so supportive and forthcoming with prayers and good wishes and offers of assistance.  I must say that I feel so very special and it is all of that wonderful positive energy that helped to diminish the negative impact that such an experience can create for someone going through such a major traumatic experience.

This week’s writings will be a little short because I am starting to get stiff and sore but I just couldn’t let a Tuesday go by with a posting and to thank everyone who has contributed to giving me each and every new wonderful day.