January 22^nd has become a very special day to me.  Not only is it the 2^nd anniversary of writing my weekly blog but also I walked out of the doctor’s office yesterday after my final follow up after my reconstructive surgery.  I feel so free.  But, the next thing that came into my mind is the thought that I could never have done the blog at all without my husband, Kirk, and I don’t know how I would have ever made it through the last 2½ years of cancer surgeries, treatments, doctors’ appointments, etc. without him.

 When Kirk first talked me into doing the blog, he designed a beautiful website for me and over the last two years he has continued to update it and move me into the social networking age.  He made it easy for me to learn how to navigate these sites and how to interact with all of the wonderful people that I have found there.

For anyone returning here, you will quickly notice that Kirk has created a completely new website to inaugurate the start of my 3^rd year of blogging and to present other new features that we would not have been able to provide on the old site.  As this site is a team effort in every way, we will continue to bring new and exciting features in the future as the site evolves.  I hope that you will find the navigation around the site to be easier than ever while offering new options for sharing, if you so choose.  I can’t begin to tell you how excited I am for what he has created and how grateful I am for the support that he has provided in giving me this venue.

A diagnosis of breast cancer for the second time was the catalyst for the blogging.  But from the very beginning of this battle, Kirk was right by my side.  He supported the choices that I made in what I elected to do without as much as one word regarding any of them.  He was there by my side through the surgeries and the recoveries when I returned home.  For all my personal reasons, I made it clear from the beginning that I did not want to remain in the hospital for even one night after any of the surgeries. Therefore, it was Kirk who attended to my every need and even came up with ideas like giving me a special gift card so that I could shop online as soon as I was up and about. That was sure motivation to get me moving and it definitely was a great diversion from focus on just the surgery and thinking about what might be in the future.

They call what he did “caregiving” but that does not even begin to describe what he truly gave and continues to give.  The care was such a small part of it.  There are no words to describe the love, the support, the creative ideas, the listening and yes, the care that he gave to me and what that meant to me and I believe, ultimately, to my recovery.  I think that I need to create a new word for this but I knew then as I continue to know now that I am the most fortunate woman in the world because I have him for my husband and I thank God every day for his being in my life.

Do you have someone special in your life who supports you? COMMENTS

I can’t believe that it won’t be long until I have written a weekly blog for one entire year. As I sat here tonight, I pondered whether I had the energy, even if I did have an idea, to write before the end of this day. After all, who would care? Who pays attention anyway? Would anyone even notice, other than Kirk, who does the actual posting? I know he would understand if I didn’t write.
I thought of lots of excuses. After all, I am really tired. I went back to work on Monday, just 6 days after surgery, which I am not sure was the smartest thing that I could have done. But, I promised that I would be there and I couldn’t break my word.

Thank heavens that the election was called early on Tuesday night because I just couldn’t imagine going to bed without knowing the outcome. After all, I followed this election on an almost daily basis for two years. I had to know if there was going to be any chance of a peaceful night of sleep.
Wednesday was filled with another busy day at work and off to the doctor’s office for my post-surgery follow up. Ah, the relief that one experiences when those drain tubes are removed and you can go home and take a shower. Despite the lack of energy, there was no way that I would have missed my appointment as I personally set the time and date and I really couldn’t wait for that time to come.

And then there was Thursday morning when the alarm went off and I didn’t know whether I could even get up and going. I just couldn’t get comfortable sleeping during the night and even the thought of getting ready made me more tired but I just knew that if I got up and going, I could get though the day.

By Friday morning, I had had it. I got up with some terrific pain and as I pushed through my getting ready, it got so intense for awhile that I thought that I would be sick to my stomach. Okay, it was a Friday and I certainly could make it through. After all, I had lots of work to do and I sure didn’t relish the idea of anything more piling up for the following week.

Don’t you just love the weekend? I pushed through, kept my commitments each day and although I was feeling far from perfect, I had made it. And when I got home, Kirk had done a ton of work so that I wouldn’t have to be bothered by anything and I could just relax the whole time.

I did get extra sleep over the weekend and the pain continues to subside with each passing day. Although I am not looking forward to going to work tomorrow as I usually do, I will be there bright and early and will succeed at giving it all that I have to offer. After all, I am committed to be there and to do the work that has been assigned to me. Just thinking about it makes me tired. I think that I will go to bed!

So I had my surgery on Tuesday and everything went well.  I have tried to stay focused on all of the positive things in my life but I think that all of the stress of two rounds of cancer and three surgeries and the loss of my brother in a little more than a year began to catch up with me.  I could only see all of the sad things that had happened and couldn’t help but wonder if this was only a prelude to the future.

Thank heavens that Kirk had taken the time off from work this week to spend with me and basically do everything possible for me.  He has taken care of my every need and I don’t know what I would have done without him.  That is why it was most important that when I completely fell apart, he was also there for me. 

He listened and listened and listened as I talked and sobbed and told him how I was feeling.  He understood that it had nothing to do with him and that which was most important was my just being able to vent.  I talked about not only the current frustrations of the last 6 days but also about how they were just the latest manifestation of the same patterns over a very long period time.   

After I was done, we chatted for awhile and afterward, I felt such a great sense of relief and release that I knew that I could no longer hold on to the past and the behaviors that had led me to such sad, sad feelings.  I suddenly realized that I felt better than I had felt in quite some times.  I didn’t want to feel like I had in the recent past and I am determined that what is in the past will remain there.

Regardless of what else may come my way, the most wonderful holidays are right around the corner and I intend to enjoy them and am anticipating them as much as I did when I was a little kid.  Thanksgiving has always been my favorite and this year I have even more than ever for which to be thankful.  I will be spending Christmas with my family and sharing the time with those people who love me the most in this world.  And then there is the New Year which represents a whole new beginning but this year, I do not intend to wait until January 1.  Today is the beginning of my new year and my new life and the most exciting things yet to come and they are all just covered with a big mound of whipped cream.  Kirk will understand that!

Today was my first doctor’s appointment since my double mastectomy 12 days ago and I was so delighted to have both drain tubes removed along with all of the bandages.  I am so pleased that the healing has proceeded so well and I am now going to be released to return to work on Monday, just 2 ½ weeks after surgery.  While I am still sore I know that by then I will feel so much better but mentally I am already there.  While I have a number of additional appointments wherein the expanders that were inserted at the end of my surgery will be expanded to create my new breasts, the toughest part is over and the last of the cancer has been removed.

I find that I am already getting bored being at home.  I truly enjoy working but more importantly I have some absolutely awesome family, friends and co-workers who I really miss.  I have received so much support, wonderful messages and prayers and I am looking to thanking so many people in person.  I also find that I am not good at sitting around and relaxing.  When I do so, my focus on what I want to do and where I want to go seems to disappear and all I am able to think about is myself, how I am feeling and I tend to think only the physical pain.  To me that is a complete waste of my energy.  Today I turned a corner and have no intentions of ever looking back.

Once again this week’s blog will be shorter than usual as I need to rest and relax and I must admit that having to sleep sitting up for so many nights has taken a bit of a toll.  But this too is nearing an end and I will be back in full swing very soon.  What another wonderful day!