As I pondered the blogs from the last several weeks about domestic violence, I started to think about how we all treat one another.  While certainly there are incidences where people act out against strangers, generally speaking, I am referring to how we treat those who are close to us, and more specifically, those to whom we refer to as a “friend”.  While there are those who are family, co-workers, associates and

If you are my friend, I have no expectations about our relationship.  I know that we are two individuals who will never think or be the same and that is as it should be.  I will never tell you how you should think or act or conduct yourself and I expect the same in return.  If you ask me my opinion about something, I will tell you how I personally would handle a certain situations but I am not in a position to tell you what you should do as I have never walked a mile in your shoes.  And I expect that I will not always be in agreement with the choices of my friends but I back them 100% in their choices as long as they are not doing something to purposely hurt someone else. 

If you are my friend, I am there to help.  If you need someone to listen, I am there.  If you need help in any other way, I will do my best to assist.  If you are in trouble, you can call on me and know that I am there for you.  I neither ask nor want anything in return.  But I do expect that if I need help, my friends will be there for me and for those that they call “friend”. 

If you are my friend, there are no judgments.  I would hope that my friends would never do anything to hurt me or harm me and they can expect the same from me, too.  Friends are very special and treasured people who mutually love and respect one another.  Friends are those who are fun to be with and who know private portions of us that most others do not.  Friends are those who have our best interests at heart and are those who truly love us.  And friends are those who, if we make a mistake or do something that has hurt them, will give us a second chance and the opportunity to apologize. 

I must say that at one point, I dismissed someone that I had called “friend”.  I had noticed that she only came around when she wanted something and in further discussions with mutual friends, I learned that she was doing the same to them within their own spheres of influence.  But that certainly is the exception.  I do find that I tend to trust people until such time as they do something for me to lose that trust but normally that will occur long before I am at the point where someone is actually someone I consider to be a friend. 

Yes, if you are my friend, you will know it.  You are someone who is so special to me that I want to celebrate you including on the holidays and your birthday.  You are someone with whom I want to stay in contact and share our experiences in any way that we can.  I also know and understand that there will be times when we do not hear from one another for a long time and that is just fine.  As friends, we know that we are still there for one another and will catch up when time allows. 

Now, as the holidays are fast approaching, I need to get back to doing some shopping for gifts for my friends which is where the whole idea for this blog began.  See, that is just one more way that shows how helpful my friends really are to me?

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That’s correct! After a 5-year friendship, I received a call from someone who was planning to be in the area for the next few days and wanted to get together. I told her that I was not interested in doing so and after a brief discussion I wished her all the best for her future, told her that I had nothing more to say and that I was hanging up. And that is what I did. I knew that it was the right thing to do but I had surprised myself in actually doing so. And when I talked to Kirk about it, he reminded me that I had done this once before – almost 12 years ago. Wow, now I really had to figure this out.

I have known for some time that this friend only contacted me when she wanted something. I felt sorry for her as she seemed to go from one big problem to another. I tried to help her in any way that I could and soon realized that although she would come to me to find answers she continued the same old patterns. That was fine with me until I started to resent her taking my time, my efforts and a whole lot more and wasting it. When she chose to move out of state almost a year ago, I felt that my problem had been solved.

So when she called me out of the clear, blue sky, I just answered her truthfully and sent her on her way. And then I started to feel a bit guilty because I knew that she didn’t understand what had happened even though I did explain to her the reason behind my choice. I kept thinking about it and thinking about it and then decided that there was something that I had not learned when I had released another friend in the past.

I have since come to the realization that I had the answer inside if I would just stop and listen. Why in heaven’s name would I want to have a relationship let alone a friendship with a person from whom I do not want to hear? And why should I feel badly about letting go of someone whose treatment of me is not acceptable to me? Why should I put someone else’s feelings ahead of my own? This is not a difficult decision. If I don’t want to spend time or interact with someone else who would fall into the “friend” category, then just don’t do it.

I believe that everyone who comes into our lives is there for a reason and that sometimes a person is there only long enough to teach us a lesson. Had I learned that 12 years ago when I fired a friend, I would not have needed to repeat the same lesson. But, I guarantee that I have learned this time and now I can move on to something else knowing full well that my “friend” has also had an opportunity to learn something about her friendships. I hope that it works for her too, so that she does not have to repeat the same lesson.

In the meantime, I have made plans with some of my real friends with whom I really enjoy spending my time and I am so very grateful to have them in my life. And I will always spend the biggest moments in my life with my very best friend, my wonderful husband, Kirk! And that is exactly what works for me and I know deep down inside is exactly what is right for me.

I would love your comments.