So, you have recently been diagnosed with breast cancer for the second time and you are facing a double mastectomy and reconstruction along with a parathyroid/thyroid surgery at some point.  What do you do?  Yes, I did go to Disneyland. But, if you are me and you have the most supportive and awesome husband imaginable, you start writing a weekly blog.  You see, Kirk kept nudging me to write about my experiences and he promised that he would create and manage a website for me where I could write about anything that I wanted and he would take care of the rest.

Today is the 52^nd blog for year four.  Through a total of 4 surgeries for 6 separate procedures, we never missed so much as 1 weekly blog in all of that time.  I am feeling so very proud of that accomplishment and the commitment that it took to make it happen, not only on my part but also on Kirk’s part.  But, I must say that this would never have reached this 4-year anniversary if it were not for all of the wonderful people and all of the support that I have received from the social media community.  There are so many people that I have met initially on Facebook and Twitter and even MySpace who will be friends forever.  I have been invited into so many homes and lives that I would never have known if it were not for so many wonderful experiences that I have had in the cyber world.  And if it were not for Kirk’s gentle prodding, there is no way that I would have become a part of the social media world.

Therefore, as we kick off year 5 next week, I was trying to think about what I could do in order to recognize some of those wonderful people who have been so special and supportive to me and for whom I am so very grateful.  As a result, I have created the “Gratitootie Award” that will recognize each week one very special person who has made a difference in my life.  I am looking forward to recognizing these people who may not even realize what a difference they have made by sharing their own special story or who may have provided support in ways they may never have even realized.

I know that I will never be able to acknowledge every single person for whom I am grateful and I am sure that you may also have special people whom you have met as a result of their connection to the social media world that you would also like to acknowledge so please stay tuned for further details later in 2012 to find out how you, too, can have those people to whom you are so grateful receive a Gratitootie Award.

As for me, I would love to thank each and every person who has become a part of my cyber world and to let you know what a difference you have made.  If it were not for you and this most wonderful opportunity to share here with you, I know that my life and my future would never have had the most fabulous outlook that I am visualizing.  You have given me a purpose that I would otherwise never have known and a venue for sharing that has allowed me to know that I am not alone in my experiences and what I have shared has made a difference for all of use. For that, I will be eternally grateful.

Today is November 6, 2011.  It is a very special day.  The reason that it is special is because there has never, ever been a November 6, 2011 and there will never, ever be another one again.  As far as I see it, that is pretty special and because I was fortunate enough to wake up this morning, I get to enjoy this beautiful day and do with it whatever I wish.  Wow, that gives me a lot of power now, doesn’t it?  So why would I not enjoy this day for its uniqueness, knowing that there will never, ever be another one like it again?

Some would say that my thinking is perfectly ridiculous because every day is just like any other day but they would be completely wrong.  The things that happen in the news today will only occur today.  Those babies who will come into the world today will certainly have a day unlike anything that they have known or lived in the past.  Those who pass away today will be entering a realm that they have never experienced before.  And for each of us, today will be etched in our life’s story for being special because we have never lived a day before exactly like today nor will we be able to do so again for as long as we live.

For those who know Kirk and me and our music, you will be familiar with how I view each day of life.  The lyrics of our song, “The Painting” express that I see each day as exactly that, a painting.  We start the day with a blank canvas that we can paint upon.  We create that painting as we move through the day and when the day is over and the night has come, our painting for that day is completed.  It is at that point that we can look back to see what we have created.  Each day when I do this, I always hope that I am proud of my work and that I have done my very best.  But, most importantly, I know that if I am fortunate enough to wake up in the morning, I get a brand new canvas and that I can make it exactly what I want it to be.

There will be days that will be memorable because of some very special happenings or events and they will stand out for us for all times.  But to know that each day is special in and unto itself gives rise to the fact that we have the power to make it as awesome as we want.  For me, the measurement of a wonderful day is one in which I treat every person that I meet with respect and kindness and love and that I treat myself in exactly the same way.  I recognize that I am as special and unique as this day that I have been given.  This day is my day and I have every right to live it as I choose and my choice is to make a gorgeous canvas.  It doesn’t matter what I do on any other level.

For those who wish to join me but don’t know how to make their day so special, I would like you to know that it does take a bit of work in the beginning to create the habits that can make it this way.  Gratitude will help you on this path more than anything else.  Be grateful for the person that you are and for what you have accomplished despite all of the difficulties that you have had to overcome.  Be grateful for those people around you who help to light up your life but also be grateful for those who are mean, rotten and miserable.  They help us to remember that we have the choice to be that way, too, but have chosen differently and for that we are so much happier.  Whenever you encounter someone who treats you in any way other than with kindness, just think about how miserable they must be inside in order to do that to someone else.  And when something comes along that upsets or stresses you, turn it around and focus on some way to fix it, make it better or recognize that the best thing for you is to just let it go and move on to something positive.  If you do these few simple things, you will soon be looking back upon each day that you have been given and know just how special you made that day.  What more could you ever want for yourself in this life than that?

The legacy of Steve Jobs will long be remembered in the Apple brand for all of the wonderful products that he created that enhanced our lives and our communications with each other and the world.  However, there is so much more that Steve Jobs gave to all of us.  He taught us what life is really all about and how we can live it to its fullest regardless of what we have, who we are and what we want to do.  His own life is a testimony to this if we just stop and take a look.

Steve Jobs was a most unique individual.  He was adopted as a child.  He dropped out of college.  He thought that he could build a business from his parents’ garage with the help of his childhood friend.  He was a millionaire by the age of 25.  He was fired from his own company.  He started over with a new company that ultimately allowed for him to own the greatest animation company that is known to date.  He was re-hired by his own company from which he was fired.  He created the greatest company that provides products that enhance our personal lives in communications and entertainment viewing.

If you look at what we believe are the guidelines to having success in business, he defied all of the traditional wisdom.  He became the poster child that proves that if you do what you love to do, you will succeed.  Because a person does not have a college education does not mean that they can’t accomplish whatever it is that they want to do.  I have always personally held that a college education means only one thing and that is that you have the ability to learn.  Of course, if you want to pursue certain careers such as being a medical doctor, you must pursue a certain educational path but most of us are not looking to be doctors, etc.

He created a fantastic company in Apple and was fired by his own company.  This, in and of itself, is rather mind-boggling to me.  But to know that after his firing, his company went downhill and they wanted him back 11 years later and he actually accepted is unbelievable.  I truly believe that most of us would have been so bitter if we had been fired from our own company and would have be so excited to see the company tank once we were gone.  Most of us would never consider going back under such circumstances.  For him, however, the love of his company and what he had accomplished and what he still wanted to accomplish far outweighed all of the emotional responses that would have taken over most of us.

This does not mean that if you are currently working a job that is not your passion that you can’t find ways to pursue your dreams while continuing in your current position.  You must always take great pride in the work that you are doing and in the knowledge that you are producing the very best product that you can.  In this way, this sense of pride allows for you to have the belief in yourself that you can find a way to pursue your dream and know that you can reach whatever goals you set for yourself.  Sometimes you may even discover that you can find a new way or path to reach that goal through your current work in a way that you would never have otherwise imagined.

I was also inspired by Steve Job’s decision to wear the same outfit every day.  This way he didn’t have to spend time and energy on deciding what to wear.  I don’t know about the rest of you but I know that this is often my biggest struggle of the day and when I think about it, I find it very sad that this should be the case.  How many times have I stressed over whether something looks “right”?  How many times have I changed multiple times?  How often do I think about it during the day and how I will change things out if it gets too hot or too cold?  I love the idea of a standard uniform-type outfit.  That way, if I want to add a touch of color or change out a piece, I can do so – or not.

Bottom line, Steve Jobs lived his life pursuing what he loved to do and he did it in his own way.  He loved his work but he treasured his family.  He never found it necessary to become a public figure by doing interviews or being shown in the company of the high-powered friends that he had.  And he had a true understanding of his own mortality that allowed for him to appreciate the life that he had and the ability to enjoy each and every day that he was given.  That same life is available to all of us if we choose to embrace it – at least that is what I learned from Steve Jobs!

Earlier this week, I watched some of the coverage of the devastation from the earthquakes and tsunamis in the regions of Indonesia and those sights were totally surreal.  I watched local coverage of those people who lost family and friends in those parts of the world and couldn’t begin to imagine what they were feeling.  And then my mind wandered to thoughts of how everything can be changed forever in a single moment and how fragile life really is.

Many turned away from the news stories and buried themselves in other programming but I don’t really think that it is because they didn’t care or weren’t concerned because it didn’t happen in their areas.  I think that it was because they didn’t want to confront the reality of the devastation, the loss of so many lives, the extent of injuries and the photos of all of the people who did survive who were left without homes and food and water and had no idea of how they could possibly keep going.  And then I couldn’t help but wonder, what if something like that had happened to me today?

I know how truly fortunate I am.  I know that the most important thing in my life has always been and will always be other people.  I have the best husband in the world and I absolutely treasure the person that he is and the love and caring that he gives to me every single day.  I have only a few family members left and they live on the other side of the country but I know that they are always there for us and that is something that money can’t buy.  I have wonderful friends and co-workers and we all look out for one another.  All of that means more to me than I could ever express.  And that is when I realized that if something like a devastating earthquake happened in my area today, as long as my husband and our families and friends all made it through, we would be just fine.

The reason I know that is that I have seen the power of people united before.  I have seen people gather and help one another at times of crisis.  No, I am not naïve enough to believe that everyone is that way.  I have seen the other side of humanity at times like the Los Angeles riots in the early 90′s.  But, even at that time when I was living alone, I did have three other friends who had joined me in my home and we all hung in there together until the immediate dangers had past and it was once again safe to leave the area.  And when we left, one of those friends took me to his family’s home where I stayed until it was safe to return to my own place.

It was in that moment when I realized that should some major event occur in my area, I really had nothing to fear.  As has happened in the past, I would once again be surrounded by people who would all help each other, those who quite often put the safety of others ahead of their own, those who have compassion and caring to soothe those who are frightened and those who would contribute everything they have to the good of everyone around them.  After all, I truly believe that this is the nature of most human beings and in times of crisis, everyone helps everyone else in whatever manner they can.

I would love your comments.

I have spent a great portion of my life allowing others to make my decisions for me.  When I was a child, I did everything according to what my parents dictated.  As I grew older, the peer pressure kicked in and off and running I went with the pack.  Then it was in the work place where I acquiesced to all of the rules and regulations of the office.  And at the same time, my social life was governed by all of the usual ways of meeting and getting to know others.  That was until I started to see that all of the tried and true methods of existing with others didn’t work for me.

The first thing that I had decided to tackle was religion.  I had been raised to believe that God was someone/something to fear.  This worked for all of the time that I was under the thumb of my parents and religious studies but once I was on my own, I started to question this premise.  That wasn’t my God – my God loved me and helped me and I was made in his image.  Ding, ding, ding!  So what everyone else had told me was true was not my truth. 

That wasn’t the end by a long shot.  As I moved through the work place, I worked very hard and was able to work my way up through the ranks in a segment of government dealing with taxation.  When I reached the top position that I could attain without a political appointment, I knew that it was time to move on but that did not happen until I learned another very important lesson.  There were rumors going around that said that the only way that I could have achieved what I had was because I was “sleeping” with someone higher executive.  I was having a really hard time dealing with that and I chose to discuss it with my dad.  His response to me was that at the end of the day, I had to answer to myself and if I wasn’t doing anything wrong, then it didn’t really matter what anyone had to say.  Now that was something that fitted with my thinking.

Well, I guess I still hadn’t learned my lesson because the next big event in my life was my marriage to a controlling and abusive man to whom I gave my power for 10 years.  It took me that long to understand that I did not deserve the abuse that I was receiving and that all of the things that I was told that were wrong with me just weren’t true.  I believe that that was my true turning point.

Please don’t get me wrong.  I still do ask for people’s opinions especially when I need to make a decision in an area where I don’t have any expertise.  But, I will take that information and do my own research and if something doesn’t make sense to me or doesn’t feel right, I will not stop until I can reach a decision that feels like the right thing for me.  This has ruffled more than a few feathers along the way but if my relationship with another person has to be based upon what that person thinks about me, it won’t take long until we part ways.

So to anyone who comes my way in this lifetime, I don’t care what you think about me.  I will appreciate you for exactly who and what you are and I expect the same in return.  I will support you in any decisions that you make and I will accept nothing less in return.  And should you choose to talk negatively about me or do things that are harmful to me, I will not do anything in retribution but will quietly remove myself from your sphere, knowing that what goes around comes around and you can set up any karma for yourself that you choose.

For as long as I can remember, I always believed that whenever you have a situation with which you need to deal, the answers can be found inside of you and not from others.  In one of the lyrics that are contained in the “Let Life Happen” CD, the words are “the answers are inside the mind, they’re really not so hard to find”.  I have since learned that the first part of that lyric is still correct but the second part is a totally different matter.  Let me explain.

I currently weigh the exact same amount of pounds that I did when I was 18 years old and a senior in high school.  I want to lose weight.  I have tried just about every diet in the book and even when I successfully would lose some pounds, I always managed to gain back that weight.  Believe me, I can empathize with Kirstie Alley.  I have read about “set points” and metabolism and the need for exercise and counting calories and counting carbohydrates and fat and the not eating after 6 p.m. and the need to drink more water, etc.  until I am blue in the face.  And I tried all of the variations and still end up in the same place.

Then I went to my collection of books that all indicate that everything that is occurring within you physically is mentally manifested.  That made sense to me so I decided to get to the bottom of this issue with this unwanted fat.  Everywhere I looked, I found the same thing – that the fat is being retained as a means of protecting me.  But from what am I seeking protection? 

Over the years, I went back to all of the hard times and addressed each one of them, one at a time.  I reviewed how I felt about each individual issue, discovered what I had learned, forgave anyone to whom I may have directed responsibility and released it.  I truly believed that I had covered every possible issue, situation, wrong, whatever and I still hadn’t gained any ground.  Then out of the clear blue sky, something really hit me two days ago.

Whenever I was discussing my weight with anyone, I always said that I had been thin until I was 7 years old when I had my tonsils removed.  I have believed all of these years that the tonsils must have been the cause of my not having a big appetite as I remember my parents forcing me to eat when I had no desire to do so or didn’t like what we were having.  And then I had to go to the hospital to have those tonsils removed.

I finally went back to that time and the only thing that I remember of that surgery was that I woke up in the middle of the night in a very dark room with my throat feeling like it was on fire.  I knew that I had a button that I could push to call the nurse but I was so scared that I could barely move and never did find that button.  The other thing that I remember is that I was told that I could have all of the ice cream that I wanted when I had those tonsils out.

Ah, ha!  What did I learn from that experience!  It was the ice cream that was the only thing that could soothe my pain and that I was alone and scared when I was in the dark hospital room and I would do anything to protect myself from going to that darkness again. 

I have continued all of these years to protect myself by soothing myself with comfort food whenever I start to get stressed.  After my three recent surgeries, I managed to find my way out of not staying over in the hospital for even one night, thanks to the kindness and understanding of my cosmetic surgeon.  And two days ago, when I went to a fund raiser event for breast cancer research at the offices of that same cosmetic surgeon and was walking through the hallways past the various treatment rooms, I had the feeling that the experience was a bit scary.  That was the trigger.  There should have been nothing that was scary about it but that was my feeling.  But my willingness to examine why I felt fear is what has finally allowed me to discover from inside what I was protecting and I am looking forward to bringing about a very successful change in my eating habits as a result.  It will be interesting to see if I have finally found the answer to something that I have sought to change for virtually a lifetime.

I will never forget the day that I left.  The feeling of freedom was indescribable.  I felt that I had been given a new life and I had every intention of doing the best with it that I possibly could.  Although there were the immediate matters with which to deal, I knew that I had to handle them quickly and put them behind me if I was ever going to be able to start over. 

I got a divorce and ultimately left the state.  My ex had no idea where I was and I was pretty sure that he did not have the resources to find me.  I spent all of my time and effort securing a new job, new friends and a new life.  Whenever something from the past intruded, I made every effort to put it aside as quickly as possible.  I had spent enough time living the nightmare and I did not plan to keep re-living it for the rest of my life. 

Although my experience was really bad, I have chosen to learn from it and never held on to any hate and/or anger.  I understand that my ex was an extremely troubled person who felt that it was okay to take his anger and insecurities out on me.  I had to reach the point where I realized that there was nothing that I could do to change the situation and that there was nothing that I was doing to cause his behavior.  I needed to leave in order to survive and that was it.  I did learn that he died a few years ago, all alone, on Christmas Day.

The bigger lesson that I needed to learn was that I could learn from the past but not live in the past.  I could not change what had happened during those years but I could allow the lessons of that time to shape a kinder, gentler me.  I had the ability to structure a whole new life in which I could treat people with all of the kindness and love and understanding that I had not received in my marriage.  I also learned that all that I have is today and that when I go to bed at night, I wanted to be proud of the day that I had created.  The lessons that I have learned have become the basis for the lyrics for the music CD that my husband and I have created.  Not surprisingly, it is titled “Let Life Happen” and was the pre-cursor to my blog and the website.  Please feel free to share the music on this website and you will have a better understanding of the lessons that I have learned from that abusive time.

If you or anyone you know might need help, Check out the National Domestic Violence Hotline website.

Both of them have had their individual health issues, one with regard to having “died” in the emergency room on three occasions before they were able to stabilize her to triumph once again and the other who had breast cancer surgery three weeks ago and was her normal, sassy self when we met. No one would ever imagine what they have endured.

T.J. and I have not seen each other for 9 years. She happened to be in town on business so we just had to meet. Her heart attacks occurred last August and she has rebounded to the point that she is back to traveling for her company and providing all of her clients with not only a great knowledge but with a big smile, a very witty personality and a real zest for enjoying life.

A.M. just had her surgery so very recently and still faces daily radiation treatments for 6 ½ weeks but you would never have had an indication of this from the big smile and hugs that she had for me after almost 5 years of not seeing her. She had no complaints and no sad tales of woe but only a completely positive attitude about everything.

The one thing that they both have in common with each other and with me is that we are all really happy people. And that which brings us our happiness is our families and friends. The conversations quickly turned away from our recent physical issues to lots of laughter and tales about what great spouses and/or children and grandchildren we have. The talk went on for hours as we shared these tales along with the experiences with each other. There is no amount of money that could buy that kind of love and laughter and caring and sharing and if you have those things in your life, you have everything.

So my slightly late tribute to St. Valentine’s Day is directed to my own very special Valentine, the greatest guy in the world and my heart and soul who I treasure more and more each day. I don’t know what I would do without you and I thank God each and every day for the time that I get to spend with you.

I would also like to send my love and thanks to each and every loving person who is a part of my life – for who you are and what you mean to me. I have been so fortunate to have so many upbeat, fun, loving and caring people in my life who bring smiles to my face on a daily basis. All of our lives are filled with happiness and fun and when “situations” come our way we just face them with smiles on our faces, deal with them and get back to the business of living our lives. For me, that is exactly the way it should be.

Did you ever notice what happens when you smile? Well, give it a try. Go ahead. Right now. Now, how do you feel? Yes, I know what you mean. When you are smiling, you feel good. All thoughts of anything bad or negative just go away. And if you keep on smiling, you just can’t feel badly.

Now while you are still smiling, think about something that normally makes you very sad or brings you to tears. Hold that smile and you just can’t go to that sad place. I just discovered this and I wanted to share it with you. I don’t know how it works but I just know that it does.

Now, let’s see what happens when you smile at someone else. Some people may look at you a little strangely but if you just keep smiling, you just might see those stern faces crack a little bit. And when you smile at your family and friends and co-workers, you can pretty much get a smile back from each person every time.

So what, you might ask? Well, those smiles back and forth and all around create a lot of positive energy. It makes you feel happy and it makes other people feel happy. So, I decided to do a little experiment.

For ten minutes, I made sure to smile at every single person with whom I came into contact. Amazingly, every single person smiled back and some even said hello. I liked this. I was having a lot of fun and I could see the difference that the smiling had made on others. Now I am wondering whether I can make this work in whatever I do.

So tomorrow morning, I have to give a presentation to more than 50 people. I haven’t had much time to work on it and even less time to practice it which makes me a little nervous. But I plan to interject a lot of smiles into my talking points and I am looking forward to seeing whether this helps me to have success. It might just be a matter of thinking that it will work or it may be that having a smile for everyone will reposition my thoughts from fear to fun. We’ll just have to see if it works and I do plan to report back to you next week.

In the meantime, I want to experiment with this a bit to see how it goes and should you choose to give it a try yourself, I would love your feedback about how it did or didn’t work for you. I think that creating an environment that is full of smiles will not only make me happy but it should make a lot of other people happy as well.

What is the worse thing that might happen? A few people might think that I am a little crazy but that doesn’t bother me. Other than that, I can’t see anything on the downside. On the upside, it makes me feel good when I smile, it is lots of fun doing so, it’s interesting to watch others’ reactions and it makes me happy to make others happy. Gee, it seems that something that is so simple can have such a great impact on creating happiness. And the bottom line is that creating happiness it what it is all about for me.

Have fun and I will report back to you the results of my experiments and if you choose to share your thoughts and experiments, I will incorporate your results into my writing. I figure that the more we learn about each other, the more success we will have in creating happy lives for ourselves.

I would love your comments.