So, you have recently been diagnosed with breast cancer for the second time and you are facing a double mastectomy and reconstruction along with a parathyroid/thyroid surgery at some point.  What do you do?  Yes, I did go to Disneyland. But, if you are me and you have the most supportive and awesome husband imaginable, you start writing a weekly blog.  You see, Kirk kept nudging me to write about my experiences and he promised that he would create and manage a website for me where I could write about anything that I wanted and he would take care of the rest.

Today is the 52^nd blog for year four.  Through a total of 4 surgeries for 6 separate procedures, we never missed so much as 1 weekly blog in all of that time.  I am feeling so very proud of that accomplishment and the commitment that it took to make it happen, not only on my part but also on Kirk’s part.  But, I must say that this would never have reached this 4-year anniversary if it were not for all of the wonderful people and all of the support that I have received from the social media community.  There are so many people that I have met initially on Facebook and Twitter and even MySpace who will be friends forever.  I have been invited into so many homes and lives that I would never have known if it were not for so many wonderful experiences that I have had in the cyber world.  And if it were not for Kirk’s gentle prodding, there is no way that I would have become a part of the social media world.

Therefore, as we kick off year 5 next week, I was trying to think about what I could do in order to recognize some of those wonderful people who have been so special and supportive to me and for whom I am so very grateful.  As a result, I have created the “Gratitootie Award” that will recognize each week one very special person who has made a difference in my life.  I am looking forward to recognizing these people who may not even realize what a difference they have made by sharing their own special story or who may have provided support in ways they may never have even realized.

I know that I will never be able to acknowledge every single person for whom I am grateful and I am sure that you may also have special people whom you have met as a result of their connection to the social media world that you would also like to acknowledge so please stay tuned for further details later in 2012 to find out how you, too, can have those people to whom you are so grateful receive a Gratitootie Award.

As for me, I would love to thank each and every person who has become a part of my cyber world and to let you know what a difference you have made.  If it were not for you and this most wonderful opportunity to share here with you, I know that my life and my future would never have had the most fabulous outlook that I am visualizing.  You have given me a purpose that I would otherwise never have known and a venue for sharing that has allowed me to know that I am not alone in my experiences and what I have shared has made a difference for all of use. For that, I will be eternally grateful.

I am not who you think I am.  If you know that I am a domestic abuse survivor, you most likely think that I am weak and stupid for getting myself into such a situation in the first place and for staying as long as I did.  Most likely, you view me as a victim, mostly because of my lack of self-confidence and low self-esteem.  This is the sad face given to most people who are domestic abuse survivors and not at all a reality.

If you didn’t know that I am an abuse survivor, you most likely would think that I am a quiet, non-combative and hard working person who can be pushed around and treated any way that you wish without there being any repercussions.  You would also think that I am one of the happiest people that you will ever meet and that there is nothing that hurts me more than to see another person hurting or being abused.  And if this is your perception of me, you would be correct.  But this reality would have never been reached if it were not for having lived the domestic abuse life that I did for 10 years.  Let me explain.

There are many lessons that I have learned from the abusive situation.  One of the two most important ones is that nothing is ever accomplished or improved by fighting, arguing or attacking someone else, either verbally and/or physically.  I learned that if someone is attacking me, the only thing to do is to become quiet and do not fight back.  I may be 100% in the right but it does not matter if I lose myself, my dignity and perhaps even my life as a result.  This applies to any situation in my life.  However, this does not mean that I can be pushed around by someone for an indefinite period of time.  If I am being abused, mistreated or constantly disrespected at home or on the job or in any social situation, fighting back will never solve anything.  I learned that I need to wait for the right opportunities to try to discuss the matter peacefully in order to affect any changes.  But, I also learned that if the same thing keeps happening over and over and it is adversely affecting me personally, then my only option is to find a way out of the situation.

I also found that the greatest lesson that I learned is gratitude.  The day that I left my abusive situation, even with the threat hanging over my head that he would hunt me down and kill me if I did go, I knew that I would never have a “bad” day again in my life and that is true to this day.  Each morning that I wake up and am given another day to live, I am grateful.  For the job that I have that allows me to pay my debts, I am grateful.  For the wonderful people in my life, most especially my husband, Kirk, I am extremely grateful.

Of course, I am human and I have moments when I get upset with others and certain situations, but they are only moments.  And if I take all of those negatives and put them together, they will never outweigh all of the positives. It also doesn’t mean that there will never be negative situations in my life for long periods of time.  However, I can choose to look at them as only negatives and be upset about how they are affecting me personally or I can try to find the lesson in them to see whether there is something that I can learn which will turn things around.  But, most importantly, I know that I always have the power to make changes in my life that will eliminate those negatives if they continue to be detrimental to me.  That is the most important thing – to take my power and use it only for one purpose and that is to make things better.

If you or anyone you know is a victim of domestic abuse, you can seek help through the National Domestic Violence Hotline - 800-799-SAFE (7233) – 1.800.787.3224 (TTY).

I just learned yesterday that October has been designated as Domestic Violence Awareness Month.  This started my thinking about this major epidemic that seems to be growing worldwide and what I might be able to do in order to help to find a solution to this problem.  And after hours of pondering this matter, I realized that I have absolutely no idea about what to do.

October is also known as Breast Cancer Awareness Month and for that we have a very well-defined message and ultimate solution.

In order to change the outcome of a particular situation, we must first look at the cause for it.  In the case of domestic violence, there are so many causes not the least of which are what people choose to teach their children such as men are suppose to control women, that women are their property and that men are king of their castles.  In such cases, the women are treated as servants and their behavior is controlled in all aspects and when the women are not compliant, they will suffer the appropriate consequences for their non-compliance.  Then there are those whose own self-esteem is so low that they feel that their power exists in their ability to control others, be it a wife, a girlfriend, a boyfriend, children and even animals.  And for those who sexually abuse children, I don’t know what the mental process is that would allow for such a behavior to even be conceived in the first place so I am inclined to believe that there is some sort of mental imbalance.  And I truly believe that all physical abuse of any kind is made worse by substance abuse.

So, what might be a solution?  Despite laws that are already in place, the problem continues to escalate.  For those who are arrested for abuse, they will most likely return to their victims and punish them with even greater abuse for having reported them.  There is also the element of fear that comes with abuse as the abuser threatens their victims that if they tell, they will be killed, their families will be made to suffer or at the very least, they will be abused again.  There are also those abusers who actually convince their victims that it was the victim’s fault that this happened, that they asked for it by not listening or disobeying the rules or dressing too provocatively or spending too much money or flirting with someone else, etc.  The list goes on forever.  And there are those who are in positions of authority who abuse because they know that they will not be arrested or charged or if they are, they will be able to buy their way out of the situation or resort to the old adage that it is your word against theirs and who is going to believe anyone other than the powerful person.

I don’t think that there is much that we can do other than what we are already doing.  Anyone who is not or has not been a victim cannot begin to understand abuse and therefore, is not likely to even care about it as it doesn’t affect them.  To fight for more legislation will only increase the likelihood that the abuser will increase his abusive behavior.  No laws or restraining orders or the promise of greater punishment will ever deter a true abuser who is usually so angry that they are not even able to contain themselves if they realize that what they are doing is wrong.

The only thing that we can do is to help those who choose to leave.  If a woman needs to leave an abusive situation, she needs a safe place to go and to take her children, if necessary.  Those who are abused need to be able to file for an order of protection and to know that if the order is violated, they can find a safe haven from their abusers.  Nothing will ever stop the retribution from all abusers just as nothing will stop all murderers from killing but we can do more to offer protection and a new start to those who need it.  That is the message that I would like to be the core of Domestic Violence Awareness Month.

If you or anyone you know is a victim of domestic abuse, you can seek help through the National Domestic Violence Hotline - 800-799-SAFE (7233) – 1.800.787.3224 (TTY).

I have been summoned to jury duty in a criminal court tomorrow and I must say that I am deeply disturbed by this.  I am one who takes my civic duty very seriously so I never considered not going.  However, I know that I would never be able to actually serve on a jury that involves a case where assault weapons are involved because of my past experiences with domestic abuse and having been a witness to a murder.  I would not be able to be impartial but it is not because of what you might think.  As an abuse survivor, I would never vote to convict anyone accused of a crime involving assault weapons.

This started my thinking about others who have been abused in the same way that I was and wondering if the call to a criminal court would affect them in the same way.  It reminded me of my own personal years of being physically abused and threatened with a loaded gun in my face.  It reminded me of the times when I was promised that if I ever left my abuser, he would hunt me down and kill me.  It brought to mind all of the cases with which I am familiar where such criminals were tried and convicted and released from jail and what they did in retribution to those who were responsible for their being jailed.

I believe that any person who can physically assault another person in any way, shape or form has a very different mind set than others who are not capable of doing so.  Whether such behavior is a mental problem or a learned behavior or a combination thereof, I don’t know.  But, the one thing that I do know is that I have not seen one case where such a person has not continued such behavior throughout his or her life and when such behavior is punished, the aggressor only becomes more enraged and seeks retribution on an even greater level.  Most often, that retribution is directed to those who were responsible for the punishment that the aggressor received.

In my own case, I witnessed a man kill another man over a $5.00 bet on a pool game.  The murderer was given a 5-year jail term and may have been released earlier on good behavior.  I knew the district attorney in this case and he said that of all of the criminals that he had convicted in his career, this was the one that he was most concerned about what he would do when he was released from jail.  I left town within the year and never looked back.

With regard to the domestic abuse, my husband’s abuse escalated during the time that I was in our home and I knew that my way out was not through the court system.  Had I ever had him arrested, there would have been a huge penalty to pay.  I can only imagine what would have happened if it had ever escalated to the point where he committed a crime that would have gone before a jury.  If he had not been convicted, the retribution would have been bad enough but if he had been jailed, I would have definitely feared for my life.  Being promised that I would be killed anyway if I ever left was enough for me.  I left town and went into hiding from him and never looked back.  And only when I knew that he had died did I ever really stop mentally looking over my shoulder.

With the jury duty looming in front of me, I couldn’t help but wonder about all of the others who have experienced physical abuse and violence and what they think and feel about having to sit on a criminal jury.  I can’t believe that anyone who has ever lived physical violence in any form would be able to be impartial in hearing a case involving violence.  Nor can I believe that facing such a possibility would not bring back a past that survivors have worked so hard to put behind them.  Of course, I am only speaking for myself but I certainly do not think that I am alone.

…then this message is for you.  I do not remember any time in the past that I have heard so many stories about abuse that angered me.  My anger is not at the abusers this time however but for those who are being or have been abused.  The idea that we are “survivors” is no longer acceptable to me.  No one “survives” abuse.  We are abuse “conquerors” and I intend to explain why I am so fired up.

I have heard from others and read so many stories

There is the story of the woman whose husband was threatening her with a gun who took a risk and called the police and when the police arrived, he turned the gun on them and he was shot and killed.  And there is the woman who was abused repeatedly as a child and teen and who is fighting her way through putting it all behind her by addressing the issues in every way possible and on every varying level.

None of these women or any other person who has left an abusive situation is a survivor.  None of these women or any other person who has faced abuse is weak or fragile.  They may have felt as though they were weak or fragile or stupid for having gotten into such a situation in the first place but they were all smart enough to know that they couldn’t just leave and strong enough to endure until they found the answers that they needed in order to be able to escape.

For those of you who have successfully removed yourselves from any kind of an abusive situation please know that we understand that this is only the beginning of another whole fight.  That fight does not just deal with finding a new life regarding home, work, raising children, etc. but also dealing with all of the psychological effects that the abuse created.  Even decades later, with lots of hard work, there will still be triggers that take you back to the past, to reliving the abuse and hurting all over again.

So please know that I will no longer subscribe to the concept that you are “survivors”.  You have had to fight battles that most people will never know or understand just to free yourselves.  You have had to go inside to deal with the effects of that abuse to face how the abuse has changed you and have had the strength to take back your power and your life.  You are abuse conquerors who had the strength to overcome the abuse, to serve as examples to others that they can do the same and to inspire all of us to search for that spirit within to overcome any obstacle that comes our way.  That is not surviving; that’s conquering.

If you or anyone you know is a victim of domestic abuse, you can seek help through the National Domestic Violence Hotline - 800-799-SAFE (7233) – 1.800.787.3224 (TTY).

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As I read more and more stories about domestic abuse and talk to more and more people who are domestic abuse survivors or currently living in an abusive situation, I have found a common factor in all of them and that is that the abuser also abuses one or more substances.  Now, I am not saying that this is always the case.  That is why I am inviting those who have been abused to tell me whether your abusers also abused alcohol, marijuana and/or drugs or any combination of them. 

In my own situation, it didn’t take long to discover the link between abuse and the alcohol and in later years when marijuana was added to the mix, the abuse was even worse.  I was sincerely of the belief that I could find a way to change things so that my ex would have a desire to stop drinking for the good of both of us.  I could see what a miserable life he had when he found it necessary to try to drown all of his misery in a sea of booze. 

I felt sorry for him.  I truly enjoyed challenging myself to great work opportunities while I watched as he may have worked a total of about 3 years in the 10 years that we were married.  I could never understand starting the day with a beer at 10 a.m. and continuing to the wee small hours of the next day.  I couldn’t understand the increasing ability for consumption that allowed for 12 or more beers along with shots of liquor that would find him still standing at the end of each session.  It became an endless cycle for him. 

The one thing for which I was selfishly grateful was the fact that he did not drink or do his drugs at home.  He would get up late in the morning, get dressed and leave and not return until the next day.  Sometimes, he would not return for several days and I was glad.  The only thing I worried about at that time was receiving a call from the police or a hospital that he had been in an accident.  That happened only once and he was sufficiently relaxed in his alcoholic stupor that he suffered only the possibility of a concussion after driving up an embankment and rolling the car several times.  On the almost daily occasions where he did return safely, he always came in the door on the offensive, usually accusing me of having done something or not having done something that I should have that allowed him to feel entitled to an attack whether it was verbal, physical or threatening me with a gun in my face. 

I know that my experiences are not unique.  For anyone who has experienced abuse at the hands of someone who was under the influence, they can tell you similar tales and how they learned to defend themselves and in many cases, their children as well.  I would appreciate your sharing your personal experiences and in addition, I would really like to know if there are abusers out there who are not under the influence of some type of substance when they simply choose to abuse a child or a partner.  I would appreciate it if those who have been abused under any circumstances would share their stories with me so that those situations can be shared with others (anonymously, if requested).  There may be a difference in the process of surviving and/or leaving depending upon whether the abuser is also a substance abuser or not. I truly believe that the more information that we have, the better position we will be in to help others who are trying to exist in an abusive situation, recover from abuse or looking for the best way out.  The more we work together to help one another, the more success we will have in reducing the amount of abuse that is currently occurring.

If you or anyone you know is a victim of domestic abuse, you can seek help through the National Domestic Violence Hotline - 800-799-SAFE (7233) – 1.800.787.3224 (TTY).

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I have long tried to explain to others what it is like to be in a domestic violence situation and why it is so hard to get out.  I have tried to figure out how we get ourselves into such situations in the first place.  And I have always emphasized how important it is to get counseling once you have successfully gotten away.  However, I am just now realizing that no matter how long it has been since the abuse occurred, no matter how long it lasted, no matter how strong you are in your efforts to move on, you can never completely leave behind the abuse no matter how long you live.

For me, facing the muzzle of a shotgun on a regular basis is the memory that flashes back in many different ways for me.  I find that I am intimidated when someone moves quickly into my face or approaches with a finger pointed at me, especially if they are yelling or making demeaning comments at the same time. Even now, although there is no gun coming at me, my mind responds in the same way as if it were a gun and I find myself shrinking away and feeling the need to protect myself by raising my arms.  When a gun is pointed at you, you don’t have time to think through the best way to act or react and even in the non-threatening moments, the focus is on how to survive above all else. 

I quickly learned that the worst thing that I could do in such a situation was to be aggressive.  I would both beg and grovel for him to put down the gun or I would become completely silent and just do whatever he wanted me to do at that moment.  I understood that there is no way in which you can reason with a person who is so out of control that they would attack another person, especially when it is someone that they “love”.  So even to this day, whether it is a personal situation or a professional, I will retreat in some manner and then assess the situation.  If it is something that I believe that I can resolve or something in which I really believe, I will go back to discuss and/or resolve.  However, if it is a “friend” or a boss or other person of authority who needs to control every situation, I will do what I need to do in order to survive until such time as I find the right moment to move on, never to return.

 For you, it doesn’t need to be a gun in your face.  If you think back to how you were treated as a child and through other phases of your life, the probability is very high that you were abused in some way.  If you stop and think about those times and how you felt and how it changed you, you will start to understand how abuse does change a life.  What do you do as a result of the abuse that you received?  Do you do as I do and walk away from confrontation?  Do you go into an “attack” mode wanting to prove that you are right and everyone else needs to understand that and behave accordingly?  Do you abuse others but don’t care that you do?  Do others abuse you but you refuse to acknowledge it?  There are so many questions to ask yourself about how abuse has affected your life and there are many choices that you can choose with regard to how you want to deal with it.  Hopefully you will take the time to assess how the abuse that you have received in the past has affected you and how you treat those around you.  It will be more than worth it to you and hopefully it will allow you to make conscious choices in how you treat others in the same way as you want to be treated.

If you or anyone you know is a victim of domestic abuse, you can seek help through the National Domestic Violence Hotline - 800-799-SAFE (7233) – 1.800.787.3224 (TTY).

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In one of the most horrible miscarriages of justice that I have ever heard, a woman was sentenced to 365 days in jail for lying about being beaten by her boyfriend.  The full story is attached for your own reading and thoughts. 

To make a long story short, a tape of an interview with the victim after a second incident where she was being threatened by her live-in boyfriend provide information to the courts about her lying about an earlier incident where she had been beaten with a tire iron.  The deputy district attorney who issued the perjury case said that victims of domestic violence lying to protect those who beat them is sad but truthful testimony is essential to justice.

 Obviously, this court officer has absolutely no idea about what the victim’s real motivation for lying may truly be.  In addition, if you read the comments submitted by readers of this story, you will quickly understand that those who have never endured domestic violence haven’t a clue about it.  I suppose this makes it easier to understand why it is so very difficult to get help for the victims who do want to get out of their abusive situations. 

I don’t know of a single abuse survivor who would lie in court to protect those who beat them. Victims do not report the abuse or do not press charges and they lie in court to protect themselves.  Victims know that if they do take action against their abusers, they will suffer harsher punishment as soon as the abuser has access to them again.  Victims’ lives are threatened if they tell the truth.  And victims who try and succeed in getting restraining orders against their abusers know that the abusers will not respect the order and will come after them with a vengeance.  If you don’t believe it, just think about and keep an eye open for all of the stories where a restraining order was violated and the victim was killed. 

There are also those who believe that domestic violence is only an issue in lower economic groups and among those with lower levels of education.  However, those who have done studies in this area have proven that this is not true.  In just the past two days, I have come across several stories of police officers, legislators and professionals such as doctors and lawyers abusing their own spouses or partners.  It happens all the time on a daily basis. 

I believe that the only way that domestic abuse can become real for most people is to put a face on it.  Every survivor needs to tell her own personal story over and over and over to everyone who will listen and in every possible arena.  People need to know that it is their family members, their friends and co-workers who are real victims and survivors of abuse.  While most victims are too ashamed to talk about the abuse, it is the only way that others will come to know the magnitude of this problem.  In addition, when survivors share their stories, those that are still suffering do know that they are not alone, that there are those who have fought for their own survival and that help is available if they chose to leave.

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I received a very interesting inquiry from a friend this week that has served as the topic for this week’s blog.  It is quoted, as follows: 

“Do you have any tips or pointers for someone who begins dating after leaving a DV marriage?  Before my DV marriage, I had several non-violent relationships. The DV guy that I married was the odd man out. Now that I am looking to enter the arena again, the last time I dated was 2002. I am wondering, how do I tell if the man is a good one or a bad one?”           

I believe that the first questions that you need to ask when you find that you are ready to re-enter the dating world are ones that you pose to yourself. 

• How has this domestic violence experience changed you, meaning do you live each day in fear or are you grateful that you got out with your life and you know that there will never be any such thing as a “bad day” again after all of those days of abuse that you lived or are you at some point in between?
• How do you see yourself, meaning do you still believe all of those negative things that you were told about yourself and do you believe that you were the cause of all of your partner’s problems that caused the abuse and do you believe that you are anything less than a wonderful person who has had to deal with a lot in your life and now you deserve to have some good things come your way?
• Why do you want a new relationship, meaning are you looking for someone to support you and/or take on your financial responsibilities or are you looking for someone because you hate to be alone or are you wanting to find a partner with whom you can share your life and the experiences that come your way, both as an individual and perhaps as a couple?
• Do you believe that all men (or women, etc.) are alike and you just have to find the best of the worst?
• Do you believe that anyone is fair game as a partner whether they are married, in a committed relationship, etc?
• Are you willing to sacrifice your core beliefs or your money or your soul or your life in order to “get” the relationship that you want?

 These are just a few of the questions that you need to ask yourself before you begin dating again.  I cannot tell you what may be right or wrong for you personally but I can tell you what I believe and what worked for me.  

First of all, I was willing to assess what the 10 years of abuse had done to me as a person.  I had to acknowledge that I was a different person, that I had changed and that I could either be bitter about it for the rest of my life or I could take responsibility for my part in the relationship and the desire to take away from it the lessons that I learned that made me a better person.  Second, I had to acknowledge that I was not the cause of the abusive behavior of another person.  Each person is responsible for his/her own behavior.  Third, I had to understand that I was not any of the things that my abuser had named me.  I had to start focusing on all of my positive traits and make a decision about any things that I might want to change about myself and take action to do so.  Fourth, I had to ask myself why I would even want to find another partner after the relationship that I had just experienced where I had been treated so badly. 

The bottom line is that I had to become right with myself.  That meant that I had to believe in myself, to know that I am a good person and that I deserved a good life.  I had to accept myself for the person that I am and to understand that while I will never be perfect, no one else will ever be perfect either.  I had to be willing to establish my core values and to understand that anyone else that I brought into my life would have to share those basics and that everything else was up for negotiations.  And, for me, I believed that if I were treated well by another person and wanted to give back the same thing to that person, I had found a person that I wanted to know better. 

I don’t think that we need to go looking for the person that we would want to have in our life forever.  I don’t think that we need to look at another person and question in our minds whether this is “the one”.  I think that we need to look at life and meeting new people as something that is fun to do.  And if we do that with an open heart, we will “know” whether another person would be someone that we would love to have as a friend.  What evolves from there is either a fun thing that we would like to continue or it is a revealing experience of that which we have lived before and don’t ever want to experience again.  It is easier now to tell which is which so go forth armed with a whole lot of living and experiences that will serve you very well in knowing who may or may not be right for you.

If you or someone you know is affected by Domestic Abuse, you can call The National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE (7233) 1.800.787.3224 (TTY)

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Wherever you look in the headlines this week, everyone is reporting on the audio tapes of Mel Gibson and his tirades once again.  Much emphasis is being put on the racial and religious slurs and they definitely should receive a very clear reporting.  However, what is being lost in the messages, at least in the numerous articles that I have read or heard on the news is the domestic abuse that his partner and mother of his child has been receiving.

For every single person who has ever been in a relationship where she (or he) has been at the receiving end of a tirade like this, all of the memories come flooding back in an instance.  Gibson has exhibited so many of the abusive behaviors that I so clearly remember.  Everything is the fault of his girlfriend, not him.  She behaved badly so she deserved to be hit by him and it didn’t matter that she was holding their child at the time.  He needs to be in control of her life and every detail of it and that includes how she dresses and appears in public.  And now she is out to ruin him by releasing tapes that she secretly recorded in the hope that if anything did happen to her and she ended up losing her life at his hands, the police would have some evidence of what was occurring in their home.  Darn it!  I am so sorry that I was not as smart as her to record what was going on in my life when I was being threatened by my first husband that I would be killed if I didn’t do as he said while I had a loaded gun in my face.

I recognize that there are plenty of Mel’s fans who will come to his defense and want to blame her, just like he does.  After all, she must only be after his money or she would just leave.  For those who are thinking that way, I can assure you that there is no amount of money in the world that would hold a person in an abusive situation, especially in a case like this where the abuser is a public figure.  If she was not fearful about her leaving, she could always fight for money at a distance from him.  And I promise you that it is fear that has kept her there, at least to this point.

However, Gibson chooses to deal with his problems is not my concern.  But, what I do care about is all of those people out there who are currently in an abusive situation.  If you are one of those people, please get help.  If you know of someone who is in an abusive situation, please report it and get help for them.  I promise you that such circumstances will NEVER get better but will only continue to get worse.  No one deserves to live in constant fear for their own lives, those of their families or friends, etc. because of the abuse being inflicted upon them by another.  No one should be allowed to control another person under any circumstances.  No one owns another person.  Please get help or give help before you or someone else loses everything and by that I mean, their life.

If you or anyone you know is in an abusive situation, you can seek help from the National Domestic Violence Hotline .  

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