My Children Would Never Do Something Like That

In Creating Happiness, Recent Posts by Barbara Jacoby

my kids featureIf you have listened to the parents of the two young men who executed the bombings in Boston this week, you would have heard them repeat over and over that their sons could never have done something like that.  They insist that the men have been framed despite all of the video evidence that shows them actually dropping one of the bombs and despite all of the mayhem that followed.  The father indicated that his younger son is an “angel”.  The parents are saying these things because they view the United States as wanting to persecute their sons because they are Muslims.  Are you kidding me?

Until such time as parents are willing to acknowledge that their children aren’t perfect and realize that when something happens, they need to deal with it realistically, nothing will ever be achieved to help those children.

I must say though that in its own strange way, these parents and their comments about the innocence of their sons took me back to the days when I was teaching school.  I can’t tell you how many times when a student got in trouble for something they did wrong, the parents would come to their defense and indicate that their child could never do anything wrong like that.  It was as though, they, too, thought of their children as little angels who could do no wrong.  I remember how those parents would also say that someone else must have done it and framed their innocent child.  I remember how they would say that someone must be out to “get” the child.  I can remember all of the anger and outrage those parents would exhibit.  And, I remember how regardless of what happened, someone else was always responsible.

The other most vivid memory that I have is that these parents were the ones who had no time for their children.  How could these parents possibly know what these men were doing when they were not even living in the same country?  When the brother of the men’s father had to kick out the older son from his own home, why would his father not think that there just might be something wrong?  What would be the motivation for these parents to continue to support their sons and indicate that they could do no wrong when clearly they have done so?

I obviously don’t have the answers as I can’t know their thoughts.  I do understand that they are dealing with a tragedy of their own but I would think that they would want to do everything possible to help their surviving son and this certainly is not the way to do it.  Having heard what their mother said, she wants for her and her husband to come to the United States to see their son but are afraid that they will not be allowed to do so because of a guilt by association.  That may be one reason why they are creating the story about their sons being framed but all they are doing is destroying their own credibility.

I do believe that underneath all of the words that these parents are saying, they are trying to cover up for the guilt that they are experiencing or they have no way to comprehend how their sons could have done such a thing.  Their sons were taken in by a country and given all kinds of opportunities to create a future for themselves that they would never have had in Russia and this is how their sons said thank you.  Those parents realize that all that they had hoped for in a future for their sons is gone forever.  They don’t want to think that their sons could possibly be guilty of something like this as they would feel that somehow they failed as parents in not knowing their own sons.  Or, perhaps they do know exactly what their sons were doing and are afraid that if they acknowledge this, they would now become targets for retribution.

It doesn’t matter.  Until such time as parents are willing to acknowledge that their children aren’t perfect and realize that when something happens, they need to deal with it realistically, nothing will ever be achieved to help those children.  That is not to say that when an incident takes place and someone accuses your child of having been responsible, you should automatically accept it.  As parents, you should always investigate everything that is happening with your child whether it is how they are treating others, what kinds of grades they are receiving and how they are behaving in class as well as what their extra-curricular activities may be including.  Once you know what is happening or has happened, then you are in a position to act appropriately and deal with your child so that it is in their best interest.  After all, these are the parents of the future and they will learn from you about how to deal with life’s situations, whatever they may be.