Learning to “Fire a Friend” After a Breast Cancer Diagnosis

That’s correct! After a 5-year friendship, I received a call from someone who was planning to be in the area for a few days and wanted to get together. I told her that I was not interested in doing so and after a brief discussion I wished her all the best for her future, told her that I had nothing more to say and that I was hanging up.

I knew for some time that this friend only contacted me when she wanted something. I felt sorry for her as she seemed to go from one big problem to another. I tried to help her in any way that I could and soon realized that although she would come to me to find answers she continued the same old patterns. That was fine with me until I needed to focus on my own breast cancer treatment, etc. and started to resent her taking my time, my efforts and a whole lot more and wasting it. When she chose to move out of state, I felt that my problem had been solved.

“In the meantime, I have been spending my time with those whom I really enjoy spending my time and I am so very grateful to have them in my life.”Barbara Jacoby

So when she called me out of the clear, blue sky, I just answered her truthfully and sent her on her way. And then I started to feel a bit guilty because I knew that she didn’t understand what had happened even though I did explain to her the reason behind my choice. I kept thinking about it and thinking about it and then decided that there was something that I had not learned.

I have since come to the realization that all of us have the answers inside if we would just stop and listen. Why in heaven’s name would I want to have a relationship let alone a friendship with a person from whom I do not want to hear? And why should I feel badly about letting go of someone whose treatment of me is not acceptable to me? Why should I put someone else’s feelings ahead of my own? This is not a difficult decision. If I don’t want to spend time or interact with someone else who would fall into the “friend” category, then just don’t do it.

I believe that everyone who comes into our lives is there for a reason and that sometimes a person is there only long enough to teach us a lesson. And although I had not learned or understood this earlier in my life, I guarantee that I have learned this time and now I can move on to something else knowing full well that my “friend” has also had an opportunity to learn something about her friendships. I hope that it works for her too, so that she does not have to repeat the same lesson.

In the meantime, I have been spending my time with those whom I really enjoy spending my time and I am so very grateful to have them in my life. And I will always spend the biggest moments in my life with my very best friend, my wonderful husband, Kirk! And that is exactly what works for me and I know deep down inside is exactly what is right for me.