If you have ever embarked on any self-help or self-improvement study, one of the first things that is addressed is that in order to advance or in order to love someone else or in order to improve your life, etc., you must first learn to love yourself. I don’t know about anyone else but to me that sounded a bit strange and even a bit conceited and very honestly, even a bit ridiculous. But, wanting to improve, I dug in and after much reading and listening and learning, I think that I finally understand.

I believe that the natural tendency that we all have is to look in the mirror and see all of the things that we deem to be wrong with ourselves. No matter the level of success or power or admiration that one receives, we still only see our flaws and think that our success at any level has happened only because we were able to fool someone else. The actress who appears on the red carpet looking fabulous knows that she has undergarments to shape her as well as the perfect makeup and hair creation to create an illusion that she knows is not her. The business mogul knows that he may be receiving all of the accolades for the latest invention but knows that while it may have been his idea, there is a whole team behind him that developed and marketed that product. Or, it may be that the person who has initiated the greatest new concept in a product has had his idea stolen away and doesn’t have the courage to stand up and fight for himself.

No matter whom we are or what we have achieved or not achieved in any arena of our lives, we still see ourselves through the eyes of the child that we were. We hear all of the voices in our head that pointed out all of our flaws, shortcomings and missteps. We hear all of the names that were attached to us, all of the mistakes that we made that were pointed out to us over and over and mostly we hear all of the comments about our underachievement, the goals that we never pursued to have more stuff in our lives and the paths that we never travelled in order to reach the heights that other people wanted for us. It’s no wonder that we can’t even begin to love ourselves when we have been told how unworthy of love we are because of who we are and what we have done.

For me, the first step in learning to love myself was to access all of those negatives that I have carried with me. Who was it that said and did these things to me, why did they do them and to understand that regardless of their intentions or reasons for doing what they did, it has nothing to do with me. They acted out of their own experiences in life and thought in many cases that it was “the best” for me. Bottom line, it doesn’t matter. It is time to let go of the past. I am the one who has control of my life and my power and I am not going to let anyone have one tiny little bit of it.

I am not perfect but I am a perfect me. There is not another one like me in the entire world. I do the very best that I can – always. I treat others with dignity and respect and share my love with them freely. I accept those who are my enemies and appreciate their right to view me as they do. I accept everyone for exactly who they are and what they are and even when we have a difference of opinion, I truly respect their right to think and do as they wish.

And after I did this assessment of myself, I had to admit that I have every right to love myself for who I am and the person that I have become and I realized that nothing else mattered. I am proud of the person that I allowed myself to be. I have no illusions about knowing my value and my worth in the lives of others and I hope that every other person that I know and love will also understand that they are loved by me because I see in them exactly the same things I see in myself and I wouldn’t change a single one of them.

For anyone who is diagnosed with cancer, the most important person in your fight is the person who has been by your side in the past and who will be there for you no matter what may happen. For me, it was my husband, Kirk. He was my angel. He took care of me and everything else in ways I could never have imagined. But, the one thing that I have always wanted to understand is how he was able to stand so strong and be willing to move mountains for me to make my journey as easy as possible without flinching. I believe I finally found some of the

If you are a football fan as I have been all of my life, the name of Chris Spielman is a household name. His story, which is chronicled in the book, lays the foundation that explains who he is and the values that he learned early on in life that created his drive to do the best and be the best that he could be. Adding to that base is a belief and trust in God that will sustain him through every moment of his journey. And what a journey it is!

Chris met Stefanie, the girl of his dreams, when she was just 15. The love and light that she brought to his life is evident in every word that he writes about her. We see Stefanie through his eyes in a way that paints a picture of a most strong and courageous woman who fought cancer in ways that many can only imagine. She is an inspiration to anyone who ever has to deal with this disease that eventually took her life. We come to know the heart and soul in her that loved her husband and children with every fiber of her being and wanted more than anything else to be certain that they would all be fine when her life here was done. And in the midst of it all, she and her husband created “The Stefanie Spielman Fund for Patient Assistance” and “The Stefanie Spielman Fund for Breast Cancer Research” at Ohio State University whose work and missions are being carried on by Chris to this day.

The Spielmans’ story is a true love story. A belief in the life that they created together, the love that they had for each, their children and their God allowed them to build a foundation for their children that will sustain them throughout their lives. Regardless of the circumstances, they both were always there for each other and were able to be comforted by the fact that although Stefanie’s death would separate them, it would only be for a short time in comparison to the eternity together that they would eventually share.

I am so grateful that Chris has chosen to share this story with all of us as we now have a better idea of what makes up the essence of a man who stands by his wife and family in the face of adversity. The story will make you smile and cry but ultimately will give you an appreciation for the human spirit unlike any that you may have known before.

And I have a message for Chris from every woman who has ever shared even a portion of Stefanie’s journey in dealing with cancer. Thank you for telling this story that gives us insight into what you experienced and for all of the love and respect shown to Stefanie always. Please know that Stefanie loved and appreciated you so much more than you will ever know. I know this because I have never been able to express to my husband what his love and support has meant to me during my two rounds with breast cancer and I am sure that every other woman has felt exactly the same way.

As the end of another school year approaches, I can’t help but think of all of the young people who will be graduating from school and heading out to join the workforce. The sad reality is that many of them will hit the ground running with the belief that they are entitled to a great paying, high level job just because they now have a degree. They have been led to believe that if they graduated from a certain university or have obtained a master’s degree, they can work wherever they want and can walk in the door in a position of leadership with a salary to

I am aware of the beliefs that have infiltrated the politics of the current times. I have even seen a recent proposal that would entitle high school students to free higher education. But, for me, that is taking things a bit too far and I have many reasons for feeling this way, not the least of which is that we are not even doing a very good job of educating students through high school. Many students who graduate can’t even read. The philosophy of the school may be that they don’t want anyone to fail as it would ruin their self-respect. But, the reality of life is that we don’t always win, we don’t always succeed in our endeavors and certainly, we don’t always come out on top and the greatest lesson is that when we do, we know that we earned it. If we don’t come out on top, we can still learn from our mistakes and try again to reach whatever our goal may be.

No person coming out of college even with a master’s degree or doctorate degree should believe that they have earned the right to be at the top. While they may have succeeded in their book learning, there is another whole realm of the work place that needs to be learned. For many, it may be easy if they have learned how to respect others along the way in their lives but for many who have only a sense of entitlement, they are not in a position to understand why they may have to work for someone else who will have control over their work and workplace. After all, even those who complete medical school have to do a residency before being allowed to be in charge.

There is one more thing that I find to be of primary importance for anyone in life and that is nothing is ever as rewarding as obtaining those things and goals for which you really had to work. This applies not only in the workplace but to every aspect of life. My parents had 3 of us in college at one time and my father told us that if we really wanted to have a college education, we had to find jobs during the summer and all money earned had to go into the college fund. Then he would know that we really wanted to receive that additional education.

It was the best thing he could have done. Not only did we prove that we valued that college education but we also learned the value of a dollar and had more respect and pride in ourselves for that accomplishment. We also learned how to conduct ourselves in the workplace, how to respect the authority of our bosses and how to understand that you work your way to the top rather than starting there. I feel sorry for every person who believes that they are entitled to things in life without having to work or contribute to them. Those people will never have pride in themselves for their own accomplishments and that is one of the most important things to have happen in life.

I was recently watching an episode of the TV show, “Couples Therapy” and couldn’t help but be drawn in by some of the questions that therapist Dr. Jenn Berman was asking of the participants. The discussions centered on issues that had occurred in the past, particularly when the guests were young, that have affected their relationships as adults. As I listened, there were a couple of things that really hit home for me and helped me to understand certain issues that I have had and what from my past may have caused my thinking and beliefs. Who knew that a “reality”

My real excitement was the recognition of the “ah-ha” moments. It was so freeing to make sense out of some things that I could never have understood otherwise. I had never encountered an opportunity to recognize these factors and the part that they played in my present life and I must say that I am so very grateful for the lessons that I learned from this most unlikely source. But, more importantly, I was very surprised at my personal response to discovering the underlying cause of certain ways that I have thought and certain things that I have believed for as long as I can remember.

As I watched and listened to the show, I felt the tears welling up as I started to identify with certain things being discussed. But, as I thought and understood, I was able to release those emotions and actually feel good about the results. There were no feelings of blame to be imposed upon those who were the causes of my thinking. There was no need to find a way to make someone else pay for what they had “done” to me. And the more I thought about it, the happier I became as I tried to understand how I was able to do this.

I quickly discovered that having written my blog and having carried on correspondence with other social media “friends” had allowed for an outlet that permitted me to face the tough issues while helping others to do the same thing. I no longer looked at any issue from the standpoint of who did what to me but rather how a particular action had affected me. I could now look at any issue and see how its occurrence created a certain belief in my life and say to myself something like “Oh, I understand! But that’s not true!” and just let it go.

I also discovered that by doing this with issues from the past, I was now in a position to look at any issue occurring in the present and do the exact same thing. When someone else directs bad behavior toward me, I am able to look at the situation and try to figure out what may be occurring with that person that would cause them to ever relate to another person in such a negative way. This has allowed for me to stop taking things personally as that is so seldom the intent of the other person.

As I result, I am so very grateful for every single person who has ever interacted with me here on the internet as this has allowed me to understand that we are all in the same boat, that we all have many of the same situations with which to deal in our lives and that each and every action is truly an opportunity to learn and create a better life for ourselves.

As most of us find ourselves trying to deal with the current economic issues that have enveloped our lives, it has become necessary for us to take on more work and responsibilities. It doesn’t matter where we work (at home or outside of the home), the influences currently governing our lives have created more stress for more people than ever before. Most of us find ourselves getting up earlier in the morning, running all day long and finally collapsing at a late hour in order to grab a few hours of sleep before starting the cycle all over again. But,

The first response is that we try to do more for those around us who are also struggling. Be it our children, spouses, significant others, other family members or co-workers, we jump right in to do whatever we can to make things better for them. We make sacrifices in every arena imaginable in order to help others. And we sometimes go so far above and beyond that we give away too much of ourselves. Then when we realize that others that we are helping neither appreciate nor acknowledge our efforts, we start to resent them.

I am not suggesting that we don’t help others. I am the first person who believes that we absolutely should step up and support one another. However, regardless of what we may do to help others, we must always look out for ourselves first and foremost. That is not selfishness. It is the understanding that if we do not take care of ourselves first, we will be of no assistance to anyone else. We can’t keep driving ourselves into the ground with work and obligations and doing for others when it is always to our own detriment.

What I believe we need to do is to set aside a bit of time for ourselves each day to do something nice for ourselves. It may be some time to read or watch TV while focusing on nothing else. It may be taking a nap in the middle of the day. It may be a period of time for meditation or a nice, quiet bath with candlelight and soft music. I personally shut down all work, computers, etc. about an hour before bedtime so that I can wind down before heading to bed. This allows for me to be nice and sleepy so that I can fall asleep quickly once I hit the bed.

I recently saw a study that indicates that a lack of sleep and stress are the two things that are most detrimental to us. I personally believe this to be true. Getting enough sleep and doing something special for myself each day reminds me that I do deserve more than working and working and working until I drop. I do deserve more than receiving enjoyment just from helping others. I do deserve to do something special for myself each day and so do you. You are worth it.

I love Easter Sunday and everything that it represents. For those who are Christians, it is the day that celebrates Jesus Christ rising from the dead to save all of our souls. It is a rebirth. It is a celebration. It is a renewal of the earth and the spirit inside each of us. You can feel it if you have ever known what “spring fever” is like. And then, too, we have the Easter bunny.

I have always observed a number of Easter traditions. We would all dress up in our new outfits

This year, Easter happens to fall on April 8th which has a great significance to me. This was the day on which my father was born. How he loved Easter and the small penny peanut butter eggs that you could only find at this time of the year. He would buy a whole box of them to share with all of us. For his birthday, he always requested a homemade German chocolate cake, made from scratch from a recipe that originated in Germany. That was it. He never asked for much at all.

My father died on January 2nd and on what would have been his birthday on the subsequent April 8th, something very magical happened. I met my husband, Kirk. It had been a really fun evening on April 7th and as the restaurant where we had been gathered started to close at 2 a.m., I made the acquaintances of Kirk and another now mutual friend. We all chatted for awhile outside of the restaurant after it closed. When I finally arrived home, as I was putting my key into the lock, I suddenly realized that it was my dad’s birthday and in my mind, I thanked him for the presents that he had sent to me on his birthday (my two new friends) and headed on in the door.

Never in my wildest imagination did I realize how true that thought really was. Kirk and I became really close friends over the next 2 years before we even started dating which we did for the next several years before we finally got engaged and married. I don’t know at exactly what point I remembered that moment when I had spoken to my father but I do know now, for sure, that my dad was helping me out from the other side.

Heaven knows I needed my dad’s help after I had married an abuser the first time. That person was my choice – the one that I found. I didn’t really think that I would ever want to make another choice again. As it turned out, I didn’t exactly have to do so. I know for a fact that my father sent Kirk to me and for that I will be eternally grateful. I thank him for that on a regular basis. But, each year as April 8th arrives, I not only remember my father’s birthday but also the gift that he gave to me on his first birthday after passing away. That is why Easter is just that extra special to me this year.

Did you ever wonder what it would be like if you put together the powerful energy of 4 other people into the same space that you occupy? Well, that is what I did yesterday as we, who met each other originally on Twitter, all met in person (some for the first time) and I can’t tell you how many things that were done and/or said that caused me to shake my head about the power of love and caring and sharing. So I thought that it would be worth it to share a bit about each of the 4 people so that perhaps you can get an idea about how grateful I am to have had these magical moments.

Let’s start with “@1ballerina”. This young lady, now 17, was faced with life-threatening Hodgkin’s lymphoma at the age of 13. Through the power of a most dynamic spirit, she not only became a survivor but did so while dancing her way through her recovery that included chemo and radiation treatments. Through a journal that she kept at that time, she chronicled her experiences and published them in an award-winning book titled “Grace: A Child’s Intimate Journey through Cancer and Recovery”. I have read this inspiring book and can’t begin to explain its impact on changing someone’s perspective about life and love. She travels around the country speaking in support of cancer research and works to raise money for a variety of cancer research programs.

This story wouldn’t be complete without introducing another member of the group, Lee, who is the mother of this child. I can’t begin to imagine what it would be like if I had a child who was diagnosed with cancer. Not only was Lee the primary caregiver but she is also her daughter’s major champion. She drives her to and from her dance studio every day which is 40+ miles roundtrip. She assists with every aspect of her schooling and with handling the publishing company that they have established. She travels with her daughter to every event in the country, always making sure to encourage her and keep her safe. Yet this woman always remains in the shadows of her daughter’s public persona and provides nothing but pure love and pride in her child’s accomplishments.

For @SmileMoki, this is my second opportunity to visit with her while she is here from Norway. She is a life coach and after meeting her, I can tell you why she is so successful. She is very quiet and unassuming and understands life and people in a way that most of us will never achieve. She is non-judgmental and so interested in knowing about those forces with which others have dealt and is so willing to help out and support others in any way that she can. Her work here usually requires that she leave her husband and 16 year old son at home but she is willing to do so in her quest to help those who need her. She is such an inspiration and is so appreciative and grateful for her life that she just allows that gratitude to spill over to her interactions with others.

The 4th member of our group was @Limo_GM, my husband, Kirk. There are no words that I could ever find to explain his importance to the group and to me in particular. He was my rock through two bouts of breast cancer and provided his love and support in a way that allowed for unbelievable healing. He is the originator of my website, offering to set it up and maintain it if I were willing to write and do what I wanted to do by way of helping others who had traveled the same roads as me with the cancer and with domestic abuse. He is the most wonderful man in the world and would give up his life for me, if that became necessary. He is the real living example of what a spouse can be and I would not trade him and his wonderful sense of humor for anything in the world.

Such is the nature of those who met yesterday. Kirk and I had met Moki before but the in-person meeting of all of the others was for the first time. I can’t begin to tell you of the love and the living and the caring and the inspiration that each person brought to that table. I considered it a privilege to break bread with the others. I know what so many people have to say about those who meet and share on social media sites such as Twitter but for me, Twitter has provided me the opportunity to meet so many wonderful people who have made a difference in my life and who will be my friends for the rest of my life. For that I am so very grateful.

Every once in awhile I run across a story that is so wonderful and beautiful that I just have to share it with everyone that I can. Such was the case this week when I read the blog posted on “Project Fit America”. I have posted the link here, Learning how to dance in the rain, for your easy access.

This story of Steve and Cyndee Cox is a love story for the ages. Its span has covered more than 45 years and bouts with 5 different kinds of cancer in virtually every part of Cyndee’s body. This couple met on a blind date which occurred while Cyndee

I have met so many cancer survivors who when diagnosed found themselves standing alone. Their spouses and other friends and family members disappeared into the sunset when it came time to provide help and support to those that they knew who were cancer victims. Many women who had to have surgeries that left the scars of their battles on their bodies found that their husbands could not deal with their “deformities’”. Many friends indicated that they ran because they didn’t know what to do or say. And even many family members were way to busy with their own lives and families to have time to “deal with” someone else’s problems.

I can’t begin to image what Cyndee has had to endure. I know of my own experiences being a two-time breast cancer survivor and I feel like I had it so easy. But, for me, the most important factor was the support of my husband who would do anything to make my life as easy and comfortable as possible and I have the feeling that Steve did the same for Cyndee. And if you took the opportunity to read Cyndee’s story, I am sure that you were equally moved by this woman and the strength and courage that she has needed in order to overcome so much.

In reading this story, there is also a most wonderful message included that I hope that I will always remember when times get a bit tough. In describing Cyndee’s life, the author wrote:

“It is a life of survival: about not waiting for the storm to pass, but learning to dance in the rain”.

What a perspective! What a reminder that we all have a choice to make when times of trouble and hardship and illness come our way. I hope that I never forget this great message and even more importantly, I really hope that I have “learned how to dance in the rain”.

For as long as I can remember, I have been of the belief that there is a definite relationship between abuse and the use of alcohol or drugs or whatever is the substance of the day. I am not saying that substances cause abuse but I do believe that most abusive behavior grows in dimension when the abuser is under the influence. In the vast majority of articles that I have read, in talking to other people that I know who have been abused and in my own situation, the addition of substances always resulted in the worsening of the abuse.

I am not sure whether the substances are the direct cause or whether being under the influence allows for the abuser to relax and let loose without any care or efforts to control the behavior. It may actually stem from a combination of both factors. Based upon the information that I have gathered, there seems to be a definite correlation between abuse and substance abuse and the escalation of both at the same time.

Pick up any newspaper these days or check out the internet or listen to your local newscast and you are likely to hear about a bad end to an abuse situation. It seems like the number of deadly crimes are increasing and the intensity of the abuse is growing. I remember what it was like when my ex-husband was not drinking. He was actually a nice person and he was very apologetic for his previous bad behavior. But, as the amount and length of the daily intake of substances increased, the person that I thought I knew took on a whole different persona.

To date, most focus has been placed on the person who is being abused and making efforts to remove them from the abusive situation. While I completely agree that we need to make every effort to remove every abused person from their abusive situation, not much is being done with regard to the abuser unless the actions result in death or severe disfigurement. If the abuser is allowed to be free, the substance abuse usually increases and there will be escalation of the behavior with either the current victim(s) or new victims.

As the next generation grows up in abusive situations, they are learning the behavior but in addition, they are being psychologically damaged as children in ways that most adults can’t understand. Exposure to the abusive behavior of adults creates all sorts of guilt and fear and doubts and depression and insecurities in these children who will carry all of this into their adult years even if a finger is never placed upon them. And even if a child is not physically abused, it is highly unlikely that they aren’t, at the very least, being mentally abused.

I believe the time has come for some action to be taken against abusers before their abuse of both people and substances advance to the point that results in terror and torture and even death. There are ways to keep the abusers away if we can get the laws enacted that already exist. However, many times, the abusers are people in power or are those who are able to buy their way out of any situation. Perhaps we need to reconsider the portion of our “Pledge of Allegiance” that says, “with liberty and justice for all”.

If you or anyone you know is a victim of domestic abuse, you can seek help through the National Domestic Violence Hotline - 800-799-SAFE (7233) – 1.800.787.3224 (TTY).

Early this morning at the magical hour of 2 a.m. we went from Standard Time to Daylight Savings Time and I am ecstatic. I have been looking forward to this for weeks. My co-workers have been doing a countdown to this day. Finally, I am getting my extra hour of daylight again and will be driving home from work with the sun still shining. But then I looked at a poll this morning on ABCNews.com and find that about half of the people who responded to the question, “Do you think that Daylight Savings Time is still a good idea?” responded “No, because it

I tried to think this through. What is the tragedy of losing an hour over a weekend? Haven’t you ever stayed out an hour longer on a Saturday night than you planned when you had to get up on a Sunday morning? If you are bothered by getting less sleep, wouldn’t you either go to bed an hour earlier or sleep in an hour longer? Of course, you could go to bed a half hour earlier and sleep in a half hour longer to accomplish the same thing. Or perhaps you could just plain forget it and enjoy the day.

I hope that the time will never come when we don’t have daylight savings time. As summer approaches and the days get longer, everyone feels so much more alive and vital. When you need to spend the major part of a gorgeous day in an office or anywhere indoors, it is so much easier to release the stress of any day when you step out to sunny skies and a warm breeze filling the air. The light of day always lifts my spirits.

I think that I have a solution. I want to continue daylight savings time but I think that we should spring ahead in the middle of a work day. How about we do it on a Monday afternoon? No one likes to go back to work on Monday so how about we do it on the second Monday afternoon in March. That way, we minimally disrupt sleep as those who went to work in the morning or for the afternoon shift are already up and running and they will be paid for a full day’s work even though they were able to skip an hour.

My suggestion for returning to standard time is that we do it on the weekend as usual so that everyone can get an extra hour of sleep or, if they choose, and extra hour of play on the weekend. Who doesn’t appreciate an extra hour of “off” time to do as we wish? I think this solution would definitely please just about everyone and would secure daylight savings time for the future. Most importantly, it might just lower the number of people who don’t appreciate the light of day as much as I do.