I will never forget the day that I left. The feeling of freedom was indescribable. I felt that I had been given a new life and I had every intention of doing the best with it that I possibly could. Although there were the immediate matters with which to deal, I knew that I had to handle them quickly and put them behind me if I was ever going to be able to start over.
I got a divorce and ultimately left the state. My ex had no idea where I was and I was pretty sure that he did not have the resources to find me. I spent all of my time and effort securing a new job, new friends and a new life. Whenever something from the past intruded, I made every effort to put it aside as quickly as possible. I had spent enough time living the nightmare and I did not plan to keep re-living it for the rest of my life.
Although my experience was really bad, I have chosen to learn from it and never held on to any hate and/or anger. I understand that my ex was an extremely troubled person who felt that it was okay to take his anger and insecurities out on me. I had to reach the point where I realized that there was nothing that I could do to change the situation and that there was nothing that I was doing to cause his behavior. I needed to leave in order to survive and that was it. I did learn that he died a few years ago, all alone, on Christmas Day.
The bigger lesson that I needed to learn was that I could learn from the past but not live in the past. I could not change what had happened during those years but I could allow the lessons of that time to shape a kinder, gentler me. I had the ability to structure a whole new life in which I could treat people with all of the kindness and love and understanding that I had not received in my marriage. I also learned that all that I have is today and that when I go to bed at night, I wanted to be proud of the day that I had created. The lessons that I have learned have become the basis for the lyrics for the music CD that my husband and I have created. Not surprisingly, it is titled “Let Life Happen” and was the pre-cursor to my blog and the website. Please feel free to share the music on this website and you will have a better understanding of the lessons that I have learned from that abusive time.
If you or anyone you know might need help, Check out the National Domestic Violence Hotline website.
Barbara Jacoby is an award winning blogger that has contributed her writings to multiple online publications that have touched readers worldwide.