I first met Lisa Koch-Howell here a few months ago shortly after her mother lost her life to breast cancer.  At that time she wrote to me the following:

“Well I was wondering if you could give me some advice. My sister did the 3 day breast cancer walk 2 years ago. She really enjoyed it. Our mama met her at the finish line. This last year in June, Mama was diagnosed with triple negative breast cancer. I went down to Oregon the next day & stayed & took care of her & daddy. Mama then past away on 9/26/09. It was the hardest thing I have ever done. I held her in my arms as she took her last breath.

My sister, who by the way is my best friend, wants me to go to Seattle & do the walk with her. The walk has always been the 1st of Sept. but this year it is on mama’s 1 year anniversary of losing her life on 9/26/10. Can we do this? I don’t know. The other thing is how do I raise enough money to do it? I live in a little community of 75 in the bush here in Alaska. I am just feeling this out as I am also very out of shape. Could you please give me some suggestions?”

Lisa and I wrote back and forth for awhile and the next thing I knew, she had sent a notice out to all of her Facebook friends to let us know that she had set up a website for donations to the Susan G. Komen Foundation so that she could do this walk.  And despite the challenges that she faced in order to raise that amount of money, she has successfully been able to do so.

I have been in touch with her recently and know that among other things that have happened to her since she undertook this challenge, a recent foot injury has caused a major setback to her training.  However, she is not letting that interfere.  In her last post to me she said:

“I talked to my sister & she encouraged me & told me it would be fine. I can walk a while then catch a ride, then walk. So I will be there with my swollen foot, limping across that finish line. With the support of all of you who have prayed & supported me financially, I will make it.”

This is the face of one very courageous lady who is truly an inspiration to anyone who knows her and knows her story.  She is a true representative of each of those who walks for the cure.  She is one who puts a real face on what this deadly disease can do and does do on a daily basis.  She, to me, is a real hero.  I also want to thank another hero in this story, her sister, for all that she has done and is doing personally and in support of Lisa.  I, too, have a wonderfully supportive sister and know what a difference that means to me. 

And although I will not be there physically when these two women cross that finish line on September 26^th, the one-year anniversary of their mother’s passing from breast cancer, you can be sure that I, along with all of their supporters, will be there in spirit to celebrate their accomplishments.  Thank you both for everything that you are and everything that you have done.  You have shown everyone exactly how one person can make a difference and we are all the more fortunate for knowing you and knowing about the tribute that both of you are making to your mother.

I always love your COMMENTS.

When I read the headline of this story today on ABC News.com, I must say that I was rather astounded.  Then as I read the story and pondered it for awhile, I began to understand.  Here is the quote from the story that really got my attention

“This is written in the Koran, an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth and a soul for a soul… Islam calls for forgiveness but if the victim insists then it is his right,” said Ahmed Almobi, an Islamic scholar and writer in Saudi Arabia.

“An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth…” – I remember that from the Bible but I never quite understood it.  If that were the case, then when my brother hit me, I should have been allowed to hit him back but my mom said that I couldn’t.  There is also the Golden Rule which says that you should do onto others as you would have them do onto you.  Well, that seems to work just fine if you are talking about doing good things to and for another but why wouldn’t that apply if you did bad things?  I decided that I rather like the fundamental concept of both of these “rules”.

For all of those people who have suffered from domestic abuse, I think that anytime that someone who abuses another person should have the punishment returned.  If a man beats and bruises his wife, child, etc., he should receive the same punishment inflicted upon him by someone else.  If that were the case, I don’t think that he would return home and re-injure someone again if he knows that he will suffer the same consequences.  If he does, he should be removed from the home and not allowed to return again until he has been locked up and given help for whatever is the underlying problem.  When he is released, if he returns and does it a third time, he should be forced to serve a long jail term and if the abused needs help to start over, assistance can be given to her which is money that might have been spent for something like safe houses, etc. in the past.

If someone goes out and robs a person, the robber should have to give up some of his possessions of equal value to the things that were stolen.  If he does not have the money or possessions to compensate the person that he robbed, then he can go to jail and work there every day at a fair wage until he has earned enough to pay back the people that he robbed.

Some form of this payback can be established for just about anything.  What will best make it work is the establishment of the punishment so that everyone knows ahead of time what it will be and to make sure that it is levied equally across the board to everyone.  If someone I know or someone like Mel Gibson blackens the eye of someone else, like punishment should be given back.  The days of high priced lawyers being able to buy lesser or no punishment for their high profile clients through legal maneuvering would soon end.  And certainly more people would think about the consequences of their actions before they did anything to harm another.

We all pay for other people’s bad behavior any time that someone harms another.  It is time for those who choose to harm be made to pay themselves and not by just sitting around in a jail, being fed 3 meals a day, given privileges as part of “prisoner’s rights” and then let go to repeat the same behavior.  I think that “an eye for an eye…” and the Golden Rule are really starting to make sense to me.

Do you believe in this form of punishment? COMMENTS

One of the greatest lessons that I have learned in my life is the value of teamwork.  It is what I consider to be the best solution to any task, question, situation, endeavor, etc. that may come my way.  This does not mean that I don’t work independently and find that in many situations that I can complete a task on my own.  But the value of teamwork will outweigh an independent decision just about any time.

When we choose to work with others, we receive the values of the perceptions of others, their experience, their know-how and their expertise.  Every one on a team brings their history to the table.  If there is a problem to be solved or a new task to be undertaken, a team of people has so much more knowledge and experience than one individual can ever have.  To collectively consider a variety of viewpoints brings so much more to a resolution that just one person independently.

The most important factor in teamwork is the motivation of each of the team members.  There may be situations where one or more of the people are fighting for the power to run the project.  There may be someone whose motivation is to receive all of the credit.  There may be a person who has all of the answers all of the time.  There may be someone who does not care to share his information.  And there may be those who do not wish for the project to succeed especially if they feel that they were not invited to the table in the right way or if they feel that what they have to contribute is not valued.  In such situations, the most important thing to do is to listen carefully to all of the information that is provided.  If the project is yours and no one can reach a consensus on any of the points, the best solution is to extract whatever information that you can to expand your database and put together the best possible answer or solution or new project that you can.

However, the best situations is that all of the team members are focused on the outcome of the situation or project being the very best that the collective can create.  When you have team members who can work through a situation without individual ego being a factor, you will produce the very best results that that team can possibly create.  It will be the team that will celebrate and give credit to all of the members and not just point out what everyone contributed individually.  And each time that the group can reach a consensus, that is a major victory because it means that each team member is willing to look at various viewpoints and make a decision on what is perceived as best by everyone.

If you would like to try out this teamwork concept, if it is unfamiliar to you, start on a small basis with one question to someone else whom you trust.  Ask that person a question and carefully listen to what and how they answer.  Do not share or defend any idea that you may already have. Rather, ask yourself if they showed you a viewpoint that you had not considered.  If you don’t know whether their solution will work, repeat the process by asking another person or research the information provided for yourself.  Only after considering one or more other solutions should you bring back your idea.  At this point is when you decide whether someone else had a better idea or if you have the better solution or if the answer is really a combination of other people’s ideas combined with your own.  You will soon recognize what teamwork can do to help you reach the best possible solution and you will be willing to freely incorporate others’ ideas without personality or ego entering into the picture.

Share how you implement teamwork in your life.  COMMENTS

Some of you might have seen this mind blowing 10 year old young lady Jackie Evancho sing like a 30 year old seasoned Opera singer on America’s Got Talent.  I just couldn’t believe leave my eyes and wanted to share the video if you haven’t seen it or want to watch it again.  Amazing!  Truly a beautiful little person.

Share your thoughts.  COMMENTS

I am very fortunate to work for a company that supports volunteering in the community as a way to give back.  Included in the various programs where we can help is a group who knits or crochets or quilts or purchases blankets for children in crisis.  This was of particular interest to me as a domestic abuse survivor because I do believe that the greatest victims of abuse are the children.  As a thank you to the blanket makers, our company recently held a luncheon for us and included in the guests were representatives from the organization, My Stuff Bags Foundation, who are one of the recipients of the blankets that we create.  I was so moved by their work that I felt compelled to share it with you.

I have learned that each year more than 300,000 children all across America must be rescued from terrible situations of abuse and neglect.  Often they are taken with no more than the clothes on their backs (and not even that for children taken from homes with meth labs).  Can you imagine the fear that children would experience being removed from their homes or sometimes from their schools, put into police cars and taken away to overcrowded strange places where they know no one and have little or nothing of their own belongings?  That is why the My Stuff Bags Foundation was created.  For each child that is rescued from dangerous home environments, they are given a blue duffel bag that contains at least a plastic bag with personal toiletries, a stuffed animal and a security blanket of their very own.  To think that a blanket that I made may end up as the most important possession to some child tonight just brings tears to my eyes.

That is why I am sending this message out to all of you who might be able to make or purchase a blanket to give to this organization.  I remember times like when I was recovering from breast cancer surgery where it was probably as important to me to have something to do like making a blanket rather than focusing on the cancer. Just to be doing something that was so very important and appreciated had its own healing effects on me.   So if you are interested in volunteering in this way, go online for more information at www.mystuffbags.org for more information.  What a great way to help without having to leave home!

For others who would like to volunteer without leaving home, I would suggest that you contact your favorite organization or charity and find out what you may be able to contribute through the use of your computer, as an example.  Your organization may need help in sending out fund raising letters or notes and emails to people in crisis that will let them know that someone cares.  You might be able to solicit volunteers to help out at the organization’s location or come up with a variety of other ideas.  It is so rewarding and fulfilling to help others and to give back to your community and even if you can’t leave home for any number of reasons, that doesn’t mean that you are not a valuable resource for others.  Give it a try!  I promise that you won’t be sorry.

Share ways that you volunteer.  COMMENTS

This summer, I decided to do something a little different with my vacation time.  Rather than taking a week or two weeks off at one time, I have been taking off a number of Fridays so that I can have a nice, long weekend.  On those Fridays, I may go to some place near by, or go shopping or choose to do nothing at all or whatever else I might conceive.  The only requirement is that I do no work of any kind and that I spend the time relaxing in any way that I choose.  And what a difference this has made for my personal and mental well-being.

This has been beneficial to me in a number of ways.  I like the 4-day work week and the anticipation of that extra day off.  And after a 3-day weekend, I am so much more refreshed when I return to work on Monday and seem to be able to sail through the week so much easier.  And in these times when many of us may not want to spend money on travel and a vacation that we really don’t feel like we can afford, that doesn’t mean that we can’t still treat ourselves to relaxation and rejuvenation time.

If you choose this option for your vacation time, there are lots of things to do that cost you absolutely nothing.  As an example, you can go to your neighborhood park and just play or take the kids and a picnic lunch for all to enjoy.  Depending upon where you live, you most likely have some sort of outdoor spot close by.  It may be the beach or the mountains or a trail to hike or a park to play tennis or a school to play basketball or baseball or some place where it is quiet and peaceful where you can sit back and read a book or just enjoy your surroundings.

If you have a little money that you can spend on yourself, you can go to a local spa or salon and treat yourself to some pampering.  This can range anywhere from an entire spa day or a massage or a facial to getting a new hair style at a local salon to a manicure and/or pedicure or something new that you find at the local boutique.  And if you don’t want to go anywhere or spend any money, you can always just allow yourself to sleep in late, have a leisurely day of doing nothing or reading or doing a favorite hobby and pampering yourself with a nice relaxing bubble bath and a facial while you listen to your favorite music, burn some candles and maybe even have a glass of wine while doing so.

Your options are endless.  The most important thing is that you do some special things just for yourself.  You deserve it.  And I promise you that you will feel relaxed and the stress of the rest of the week will be long gone.  In fact, I have decided that I might save some vacation time for myself should I decided to take a week or so for whatever reason but all of the rest of my vacation time will be taken in increments of single days in which I will take the time for myself for rest and relaxation throughout the entire year. 

Should you choose to try this for yourself, I know that you will quickly understand the benefits to yourself and will want to do it more often.  And if you take on this experiment, I would love it if you would share your experience with me and let me know whether you would do it again.  In the interim, as this is the last day of my 3-day weekend, I will run for now so that I can take care of a few things before I head back to the office tomorrow.  Hope that you had a wonderful weekend, too. 

Share how you relax or treat yourself right.  COMMENTS

I don’t know how many of you watch the show, “So You Think You Can Dance”, but I have been enjoying it for many seasons and it always seems to inspire something in me.  This year is no different.  As an outgrowth of the show, next Saturday, July 31, 2010 has been declared “National Dance Day” and there is a movement on to get everyone up and moving.  If you check out the website, you will see where events have been organized throughout the country or you can put your own party or gathering together or you can just get up and dance all by yourself.

As I was watching one of the shows the other night from earlier in the season, a young man who had shown up for an audition in the past was featured in a special presentation on the show.  Bryan Gaynor has scoliosis and just about any movement that he does is a real source of pain in his spine.  However, his love of dance has overshadowed this and he continues to push himself to his limits, pain and all.  What an inspiration!!!

The National Dance Day and this performer got me to thinking about the times when I was a child when I really wanted to learn how to tap dance.  Although I did not have the opportunity while growing up, I did give it a try on a couple of occasions in the past but never got past a couple of classes because whomever I enticed to try it with me always ended up dropping out and subsequently, so did I.

The next thought I had was that this was still something that I wish I had had the opportunity to do but now I was too old to do so.  After all my teens and ‘20’s, etc. were long gone.  But I still have this desire to tap dance.  As I thought about the young man who pursued his dancing dreams even with the pain of scoliosis, I asked myself why I shouldn’t give it a try.  I had no answer.  I could go to my grave still wanting to tap dance or I could choose to just do it.  My choice is that it is not too late to dance because I still have two good legs and a desire that just won’t go away.  So this coming week, I will find a person who is willing to teach tap dancing to me and I will be following the dream that I have held for all of these years.

I would like for all of you dreamers to join me.  I know that your desire most likely is not tap dancing but how about if you would think of something that you have always wanted to do and just decide to do it.  Whatever it may be, it is never too late.  It doesn’t have to become your future career or it doesn’t have to be something that you share with others and it is not a choice that should be made by anyone else.  And if you do choose to try something that you have always wanted to do and it turns out to be something that you find that you really don’t want to pursue over a period of time, you can always walk away with the knowledge that you gave it a try and now you no longer have to wonder “what if”. 

For those who choose to join me in doing something that you have wanted to do but have not done so until now, I would love to hear from you.  Please share with me your choice and what you are planning to do as I really would enjoy following your endeavors, and if you approve, I would like to share your journey with others in the hope that they, too, might be inspired to follow a dream.

Is it ever too late to follow your dreams? SHARE

This week is my husband Kirk’s birthday.  For those who are regular visitors here, you know that he is responsible for this website but in addition, he is the light of my life.  I don’t know how I could have gotten through so many tough times, not the least of which has been my cancer battles.  And I can’t begin to tell you how being able to share all of the fun times have been so greatly enhanced by having him with me.  So, what could I ever begin to find in the way of a present to give to someone so special on his very special day?

I have pondered this question for some time now and came up with absolutely, positively no idea.  I couldn’t imagine any mall having anything that would be special enough.  I couldn’t seem to think of anything that was a bit outside of the box.  But, finally, as I started to wake up this morning, I finally got an inspiration that I believe is special enough for him and something that will last forever.  Please let me share.

I have been working for some time on the concept for a second website.  I know what it is that it will represent and I know that those who are my friends both in person and online are exactly the people who will understand its purpose when all is ready.  I am not quite at the point where I want to reveal what the site is about but when it is ready, you will know to what I was referring when you see “the fish”.

How does this fit with Kirk’s birthday present?  Well, the new site is going to be dedicated to him as my special way of acknowledging all that he is and all that he gives all of the time.  At this point, he does know the concept and meaning of this site and the foundation from which it was conceive.  Therefore, he will understand that this gift to him is the greatest tribute that I can possibly give to him.

So on this very special day, there are no presents with great big bows or “things” that I have purchased just so that I have something to give to you.  As time goes by, I hope that the gift that I give to you this year will be one of the most memorable of all times. 

Okay, it is not tickets to a Notre Dame football game in South Bend and I know that I have to work out some other exciting things for next year so I’d better get started now.  But, long after the coming college football season is over and your favorite birthday shirt is in tatters from wear, I really hope that this lasting tribute to you will be the start of a legacy that you will be proud to have inspired.  And I truly hope that this is your best birthday ever, to date, and I wish you the realization of all of your dreams in the coming year.

Please share any thoughts you have. COMMENTS

What does the 4^th of July mean to you?  For many, it is fireworks and parades, apple pie and hot dogs, family picnics and barbecues and a holiday that happens at the perfect time of the year.  For me, it is a day to give thanks for being able to live in the greatest country in the world – greatest because of the freedoms and choices that our ancestors fought for and which are guaranteed to each and every one of us to this day.

I understand that it may be easy to lose sight of the principles on which this country was founded when we have never known anything else in our lifetimes.  For those of us who were born here, we may take freedom for granted because we have never known anything else.  But, there are many who live in this country that were born elsewhere and had to sacrifice so very much to come here and make a brand new life for themselves and their families in order to be guaranteed these freedoms.  And, if necessary, they would do it all over again.

I guess that is why it is so very hard for me to understand how some find it so very easy to take away from others without so much as a second thought.  There are those who think that they are entitled to whatever they want and take from others without a second thought.  They are willing to rob or cheat or steal and even kill others for what they want because they are smarter or stronger and because who cares what their victims did to earn what they have.  They certainly can’t understand the true value of what it means to be independent when they have no respect for others’ lives and property. 

There are those who believe that it is okay to tell others about who they should elect to political office or what they should believe as their religious choice or how they should treat others who are of a different social, economic or ethnic, etc. group.  They believe that power and control over others is the most important thing in life. And even sadder are those who are willing to give away their choices because they are afraid to be independent and make their own choices.  They believe that others truly know better what is good for them personally and that they have to be part of a group in order to survive in this world.

Well, this July 4^th when we celebrate the hard-won independence of our country, I think that it is a great time to stop and reflect on our own personal independence and what that independence really means.  Each of us needs to respect our  independence enough to make the choices that are best for us on a personal level and to respect that independence enough to allow it for everyone else to be able to make their own choices, even when we are not in agreement with them.  After all, this is truly what independence is all about.

What does the 4th of July mean to you? COMMENT

Over the last 2 ½ years that I have been writing this blog, I have written special tributes on a few occasions – to my husband, my brother, my dad and to a close neighbor upon his passing.  This week, I once again find myself moved to add another person to that list as I wind down on the follow up to my reconstructive surgery after my double mastectomy.  This tribute is to Dr. Saul Berger, my cosmetic surgeon, to whom I will always be indebted for not only the great surgeries that he performed but also for all of the support and responsiveness that he provided.  Yes, I have a doctor who really listened to me and responds to my individual needs.

When I was diagnosed with breast cancer for a second time, my cancer surgeon immediately recommended the double mastectomy with reconstruction and I was in complete agreement.  I was recommended to Dr. Berger for a consultation and came away comfortable that he was the right person for me.  A decision had been made to do both the cancer surgery and the first step of reconstruction at the same time.  The cancer surgeon wanted me to stay in the hospital afterward and I was very adamant that I did not want to do so.  I explained my wishes to Dr. Berger and he listened. 

Although he did arrange for a room for after surgery in case I needed it, he did his procedure after the breasts had been removed and monitored my recovery from the anesthesia and cleared me to go home.  That was huge for me as all I wanted was to be left alone in my own bed to sleep or not as felt right for me.  I also had Dr. Berger’s reassurance that should I need him or have any questions or problems, he was only a phone call away.

That was only the first of many times over the course of the next two years that Dr. Berger was there for me through the two additional surgeries and all of the treatment and follow up involved through the reconstruction process.  Here is a doctor who has a very successful cosmetic surgery business but who is devoting so much of his time and effort to breast reconstruction following cancer.  I know about the nights where he gave up personal time and opportunities to perform surgery at 9 p.m. because that was what he needed to do in order to accommodate another surgeon’s schedule and most importantly, what would work for his patient.  I know that a Saturday surgery is never out of the question if that is what is required to help.  Yet every time that I had an appointment for treatment or follow up or pre-surgery, etc., I always had his undivided attention to my personal questions and assessments and needs.

I know how unusual it is to have a doctor who is so talented yet so kind and understanding and who really cares about others and I found myself asking him about the amount of time that he is devoting to breast cancer survivors like me.  As he explained how the numbers were increasing, particularly in young women in their 20’s, he quietly said one thing that will always stick with me – “I can’t imagine not doing it”.  That tells you everything that you need to know about Dr. Berger and the gift that we all have been given who fortunate enough to have had him there with us through the new beginning that comes after the cancer has been removed.