In these days of economic challenges, the vast majority of people are working longer hours and working so much harder than ever before. We all know why this is happening and we strive to do the very best under increasing stressful conditions and with less and less sleep. However, in the long run, by not dealing with the stress and not getting enough sleep, you are undermining your very existence and your ability to survive.

There are plenty of studies that show that on the list of all of the bad things that we do to ourselves, the

While you may feel that there is no way to make changes to improve these two areas of your life, I beg to differ with you. You need to create some new habits that will allow you to take better care of yourself in order to be able to perform at your top level every day. It can be done and you do deserve it, no matter what you may think about yourself. No person is superhuman and you are no different. You may have others around you who have great expectations with regard to what you should accomplish and how you should be doing things but you can’t let that interfere in reality. No matter who you are, you can only do so much in any given period of time so it comes down to setting priorities, doing your best and then providing time for yourself to relax your mind and body.

Let’s look at stress! How much of a person’s stress belongs to worrying about what may or may not happen? How much stress occurs because of judging oneself or judging others and comparing yourself and your work to what someone has done or someone believes you should have done? How much of your energy is wasted on everything else but the task at hand? Well, you can change all of that by just changing your focus and putting it on the tasks to be accomplished. If you can keep your thinking and your efforts on whatever it is that you need to do, the work will be done before you know it and you will have a real sense of accomplishment. And don’t forget, you can have fun while doing whatever task you are doing. Put on some music or the television. Get up and move around rather than just sitting in one place. And for heaven’s sake, take a break. If you are at the office, take a short walk. If you are with the kids, go to the park with a picnic or if you have little ones, do something relaxing while the kids nap. Don’t worry about the expectations of others. If you do not complete every task today, just be sure to complete the ones that need to be done today. And then reset your priorities for the next day.

You need an adequate amount of sleep everyday and you must set yourself a stopping time at the end of the day so that you can relax and clear your mind and leave the day behind. We all need 7–8 hours of sleep a night regardless of how little sleep we actually get. If you can’t sleep, allow yourself to stay in bed and relax. Watch TV, read a book or listen to some music in order to keep your mind focused on these things rather than thinking about work, what you need to get done the next day, what you didn’t get done the previous day, what someone else did or said about you, etc. If you work to create this new habit, you will wake refreshed and ready to take on the new day and will be able to do a better job since you don’t have to spend all of your time trying to figure out how you are going to stay awake. It will pay off in the long run. I promise. I know because I have done this and now with the new habits, I am so much happier and can do a better job in all aspects of my life.

I think most of us have heard about Demi Moore being rushed to the hospital this past week after some sort of substance usage reaction. This has followed weeks of speculation about her declining health following the breakup with Ashton Kutcher. The story for me is not all of the gossip about what caused the immediate trip to the emergency room but rather the reminder that she is a human being just like all the rest of us whose personal life and its experiences can affect us in so many ways.

I am immediately reminded of the expression that money can’t buy us happiness and Demi is a perfect example. She has tons of money so anyone who thinks that their life would be vastly improved buy having lots of the almighty dollar, they may just want to take another look. And this does not just apply to Demi. There are so many people in the limelight that are so wealthy but whose personal lives are just like the rest of us. So, what do all of us have in common with Demi?

One of the most important aspects of her life and the lives of all of us centers on those we love. No matter how much personal confidence we may have or how independent we are as individuals, the love of a partner is something for which we all strive. It is not that we can’t exist otherwise but to be able to share our lives with someone who loves us and respects us and appreciates us for the person that we are is the most wonderful thing that can bring happiness to our lives. And when we find that our partner is no longer that special someone that we had treasured, a part of us is destroyed. And how we deal with that loss makes all of the difference.

Demi Moore certainly has more than enough money to get professional help but once again, money does not matter. We all deal with the loss of someone special in our own way. Hopefully, we will not turn to the abuse of any substance in order to escape the pain of our suffering. If we are fortunate enough to have caring family and friends around us, it may be their love and understanding and support that gets us through such tough times. There are no drugs that will take away the pain and by spending our time and efforts by trying to mask the pain will only prolong its life and will do nothing to help us to deal with it and move forward.

The other lesson for all of us is that no matter who you are, no matter how much fame and fortune you have, no matter how gorgeous you may be and no matter how many doors may open for you, that doesn’t mean that you won’t have to deal with the same life experiences as any other person. Demi has been married three times and all three have ended in divorce. That doesn’t mean that there is something wrong with her. It means that she has selected partners that weren’t right for her. Be it Demi or any other person, you can’t let that diminish you as a person. It is far more important to learn from your experiences and try to not make the same choices that didn’t work for you in the past.

It will never matter what you have with regard to material things in your life. It will always matter that you have people around you who love you and care about you and have your best interest at heart. And when you find that there is someone in your life who no longer cares about you nor respects you or values you, let them go to live the life that works for them. Then focus on yourself and the healing that you need to do with the understanding that you are not responsible for the choices that others make and what they chose to do does not diminish you in any way. You must always continue to believe in yourself, to know that you are loveable and that given the right attitude and openness, you will attract the right person/people into your life. Just give out what you would like to receive in return and you will never go wrong.

For days I have been thinking about what I would write in the first weekly blog for year 5.  I re-read my first blog and was quite surprised about the subject considering the circumstances that brought it about.  I had my mind pretty much made up about what I wanted to say until I woke up this morning and learned about the death of Joe Paterno.  And although I will seldom vocalize openly my opinion about anything, especially when I am not asked for it, there is always an exception to any rule and this is the time for me.

Joe Paterno had a very illustrious career at Penn State as its head football coach for 46 years.  But, Joe Pa, as to which he was affectionately referred, had an equally marvelous legacy off the field.  As is stated in today’s ABC News article online:

“Paterno was known for his “Grand Experiment” at the university, stressing academic success as well as athletic achievement for his players.  “Just winning is a silly reason to be serious about a game,” Paterno wrote in his 1997 book, “Paterno: By the Book.” “The purpose of college football is to serve education.”

Joe’s football program consistently ranked among the top in the NCAA for graduation rates and for top grade point averages for student athletes in Division 1 sports.  He and his wife donated more than $4 million to the university, which named a library and a campus spirituality center for them.  And these are just a few of the examples of what Joe Paterno lived and taught all of us in his devotion to the university and its students.

Just a little more than 2 months ago, 3 months from the end of the football season and Joe’s coaching career, someone decided that this was the perfect time to bring charges against former defensive coach, Jerry Sandusky, for child molestation centering around an incident that occurred in 2002.  Even though Joe Pa reported what he knew to his superiors as he was required to do and truthfully testified before a grand jury and had no charges being brought against him for anything, the Board of Trustees chose to make Joe the fall guy and unceremoniously fired him.  Of course, the students and many past members of his football teams were upset as they knew the real man that was Joe Paterno.  And although it was his superiors who were responsible for reporting the incident, they not only chose not to do so but they also lied to the grand jury.  But, firing them would make no difference to most people.  The Board chose Joe as the sacrificial lamb in order to deflect everything away from them and the university.  And, of course, for those who knew nothing about Joe Pa were more than happy to accuse and jump on that bandwagon and judge him for what they were reading in the press which was the exact intention of the Board.  Immediately, a lifetime of honesty and integrity and putting the students of Penn State first went down the drain for a lot of people who were more than glad to rush to judgment based upon what they were reading in the papers and hearing in the news.

Well, I, for one of many, refused to buy into all of the propaganda that was published.  As a warrior for action against those who subscribe to child molestation, I would be the first one to do whatever I could to go after anyone who either molested a child or did not do something to stop such a crime.  I do not believe that Joe Pa did anything wrong, and in reviewing what he did do in his reporting and then stepping back is exactly the same thing that I would have done given the fact that I had no knowledge of what was happening in an investigation and I wouldn’t want to say or do anything that might interfere with that investigation.

Long term, I hope that the legacy of Joe Paterno will be judged by the totality of his life, his dedication to his family, the students, the football program and to Penn State University.  I hope that the terrible injustice that was done to him by the Board of Trustees will be erased.  That Board not only destroyed Joe Paterno but also the image of the university and its students and all that Jo Pa fought for.  I hope that they don’t get away with it.

So, you have recently been diagnosed with breast cancer for the second time and you are facing a double mastectomy and reconstruction along with a parathyroid/thyroid surgery at some point.  What do you do?  Yes, I did go to Disneyland. But, if you are me and you have the most supportive and awesome husband imaginable, you start writing a weekly blog.  You see, Kirk kept nudging me to write about my experiences and he promised that he would create and manage a website for me where I could write about anything that I wanted and he would take care of the rest.

Today is the 52^nd blog for year four.  Through a total of 4 surgeries for 6 separate procedures, we never missed so much as 1 weekly blog in all of that time.  I am feeling so very proud of that accomplishment and the commitment that it took to make it happen, not only on my part but also on Kirk’s part.  But, I must say that this would never have reached this 4-year anniversary if it were not for all of the wonderful people and all of the support that I have received from the social media community.  There are so many people that I have met initially on Facebook and Twitter and even MySpace who will be friends forever.  I have been invited into so many homes and lives that I would never have known if it were not for so many wonderful experiences that I have had in the cyber world.  And if it were not for Kirk’s gentle prodding, there is no way that I would have become a part of the social media world.

Therefore, as we kick off year 5 next week, I was trying to think about what I could do in order to recognize some of those wonderful people who have been so special and supportive to me and for whom I am so very grateful.  As a result, I have created the “Gratitootie Award” that will recognize each week one very special person who has made a difference in my life.  I am looking forward to recognizing these people who may not even realize what a difference they have made by sharing their own special story or who may have provided support in ways they may never have even realized.

I know that I will never be able to acknowledge every single person for whom I am grateful and I am sure that you may also have special people whom you have met as a result of their connection to the social media world that you would also like to acknowledge so please stay tuned for further details later in 2012 to find out how you, too, can have those people to whom you are so grateful receive a Gratitootie Award.

As for me, I would love to thank each and every person who has become a part of my cyber world and to let you know what a difference you have made.  If it were not for you and this most wonderful opportunity to share here with you, I know that my life and my future would never have had the most fabulous outlook that I am visualizing.  You have given me a purpose that I would otherwise never have known and a venue for sharing that has allowed me to know that I am not alone in my experiences and what I have shared has made a difference for all of use. For that, I will be eternally grateful.

Compassion is defined by Dictionary.com as “a feeling of deep sympathy and sorrow for another who is stricken by misfortune, accompanied by a strong desire to alleviate the suffering”. That sounds about right to me. In situation like natural disasters, we all feel so very sorry for those affected and we reach into our pockets to make donations to relief efforts to help to the best of our abilities. However, in situations where a loved one is diagnosed with cancer or a colleague loses his job or a friend is going through an ugly divorce, the lines are not so easily defined.

The problem is not with the first part of this definition. Regardless of the situation, we do have “a feeling of deep sympathy and sorrow” for the other person. But the confusion arises when we try to put into play our “strong desire to alleviate the suffering”. Let’s take the example of a loved one being diagnosed with cancer. We may have had a personal experience with dealing with cancer or we may know someone else who has. The first thing that we want to do is share our personal experiences because we are sure that by doing so, we are helping the other person. But, this is anything but the best approach.

Each person’s experience and reaction is as uniquely different as is our own fingerprint. When a person is diagnosed with cancer, the last thing that is needed is for someone to start telling them what they should do, how they should be thinking, what the best course of action will be and what course of treatment will be the best. And despite what anyone else advises, true compassion will only come if you allow your loved one to deal with the situation in only one way and that is the way that the patient chooses. True compassion comes with your standing by them to help and support them in any way possible with a closed mouth that allows for not telling them what to do. This is a medical situation and therefore, it should be dealt with by helping the patient to secure medical assistance from someone that they trust and letting the medical decisions be decided between the doctor(s) and the patient.

This may be the toughest thing that a person will ever have to experience but you will be of most value and assistance to your loved one by being a good listener and providing whatever other assistance that you can for them and their family. If you are asked for your opinion, even if you have had a similar experience, try to gently explain that you have such a limited perspective and that they would probably do best by asking the same questions of medical personnel who have had extensive experience with lots of people in this arena. You might offer to go along to the doctor’s office for appointments so that you can take notes on what is being discussed so that you have as accurate information as possible but you will do your loved one and yourself the biggest favor by not being part of any decision to be made.

I know that I was very fortunate in this arena as my husband and those few people around me who did know what was happening did not try to force their ideas, opinions, thoughts, directions, etc. on me but allowed me to make my own decisions because that is what I wanted to do. I was the one who had cancer and if I made a wrong decision about a course of action or treatment, it was my choice and no one else would ever have had to feel guilty if something they advised had been my ultimate choice and something had gone wrong. That was the ultimate way in which I could be compassionate to those who were also suffering because of my cancer.

Have you ever had an experience that changed your life and your vision of the world forever?  I recently did when my husband, Kirk, and George Marciniw of Helitours L.A. conspired to take me on a helicopter tour around the Los Angeles area.  It was, without a doubt, the most awesome experience that exceeded any expectation that I may have ever had.  And although I had been in a 2-seater airplane before which I thought might be comparable, I was totally wrong.

It was a picture-perfect day.  We flew from the Burbank airport, over the Hollywood sign and through the Hollywood Hills and out to the beach at Malibu and along the coast to the Santa Monica pier.  We flew all around the city high rise buildings and saw lots of the most notable venues such as the L.A. Coliseum, Nokia Center, Staples Center, Dodger Stadium and the Griffith Observatory among others.  I got lots of great pictures that I will have forever to remind me of the experience.  But, what I saw that day in my mind’s eye could never be replicated in any photo.

I saw my city in an entirely different way.  It was so gorgeous in its physical state but I felt an essence of spirit and hope that I couldn’t begin to describe. As we traveled around, I continued to feel an excitement that continued to swell within me that whatever any person chooses to do or any path that we elect to follow can lead us to whatever goal we choose.  I felt a new hope for the New Year that 2012 will be the best year ever for all of us and that feeling has continued right into the New Year itself.  I know that this year will be outstanding and I hope that all of you will join me in making it so.

I also wanted to mention that I have gotten many questions about why I have never posted a picture of myself on my website in the 4 years that it has existed.  My response has been that the website is not about me but rather is a place for sharing and helping one another.  But, I also indicated that one day, the right moment would come when I would finally have a reason to post my photo.  Well, today is that day!  The photo that accompanies this blog was taken by Kirk after our tour.  I didn’t even know that it existed for several days after the outing.  However, when I looked at it, I saw in my image the awe and wonder that I had experienced and I  believe that I couldn’t find a better photo to represent not only my experience but also my hope and wishes for all of us in this New Year.

My wish for everyone in 2012 is that every single day is wonderful and special to you and for you.  I also hope that everyone realizes their dreams during this most auspicious year.  Happy New Year everyone!

At the beginning of this holiday season, we were besieged with story after story about people who did not believe in Christmas.  In fact, they didn’t believe in much of anything except their right to speak out against the beliefs of many others.  They were so busy protesting the fact that many wanted to erect the yearly Nativity scene and that made them really angry. So they decided to protest against it and demanded equal space in all public areas to respond with their own “decorations”.  This really made me sad.  After all, Christmas is the celebration of Christ’s birth so if you don’t believe is Christ, why not just ignore it and celebrate the fact that you get a free vacation day?

It seemed like the protesting was increasing in intensity.  More space was being delegated to protesting Christmas than was actually being used to place Christmas decorations.  People were fighting with each other in the stores over merchandise.  There were long lines of people staying out in the cold just to get a great price on the latest gadgets that the kids had to have for Christmas.  Everywhere you turned, a new story was being written about how the spirit of Christmas had been destroyed by commercialization and pricing wars.

But then a miracle happened.  A lady in Michigan went to a K-Mart store and paid off the layaway accounts for a couple of families.  The story about what she had done started to travel far and wide and pretty soon other people started to do the same in stores all around the country.  All of a sudden, other people were talking about this spirit of giving and sharing for the holiday season.  More and more people started to do things to help friends and families and communities without the slightest desire to be identified or to receive great accolades for their generosity.  I saw this happening in my office with my co-workers.  I heard about how friends had gathered together to make a special holiday for a family.  I saw the people showing up for the toy drives and giving as much as they possibly could.  And I saw people everywhere contributing food and money so those who were less fortunate would not go hungry for the holidays.

Yes, the spirit of Christmas is back.  I haven’t heard any more complaints about manger sightings or fighting in the store aisles.  I have only heard one story after another about how people have been helping one another and sharing the true spirit of Christmas in any way that they can.  I have seen one child after another contributing to a toy drive.  I have seen children standing in lines with their parents to buy a gift for someone else. I went shopping within the last few hours of Christmas Eve and saw more smiles on peoples’ faces and the exchanges of greetings than I have seen in any other holiday season.  And even though some people had to work up to the very last minute, they were still smiling and being friendly with the customers that they were helping.  I guess that has led me to but just one conclusion and that is that this is the best holiday season ever!!!  Wishing everyone a Merry Christmas and sending lot of love and hugs to all as you celebrate with your families and friends.

This has been the most unusual Christmas season ever for me and maybe for others, too.  I don’t know what it is but something different is definitely in the air.  For the first time ever, I don’t have my cards addressed and sent, I don’t have my Christmas shopping done and for some reason, I don’t seem to care.  And for anyone who knows me, this is unlike how I have approached any Christmas in the past when I would have taken care of every detail by now.  But, I think I am starting to figure it out.

For the first time ever, I am not looking forward to Christmas Day because of the presents.  I have always worried about finding just the right thing for everyone.  What if the things that I picked out were not what someone else wanted?  Did I spend the same amount of money on each person so that someone did not feel slighted?  Could I have done more or done better if I had started earlier.  Did I do enough searching for unique gifts so that others would know just how important it was to me to make them happy and to help them understand how important they are to me?  Such stress, and yes, I was never, ever satisfied with the choices that I made as I felt like the recipients may not really have liked what I had selected for them.

This year, I had made some new choices about how I would do things. I kept up most of the same traditions that I had established many years ago because I really love them and enjoy them.  But there are a few things that I did change.  I didn’t send Christmas cards.  I guess that I felt that sentiments put on paper by someone else and sent off to those who I have not seen for so very long just no longer works for me.  So, I have decided to make a call to each of them during the holiday season to let them know that I am thinking of them and that I really wanted to hear their voices even if I can’t see them in person.  For those small little gifts that I usually give to co-workers, I calculated how much it usually costs me, added some extra cash and contributed it to someone who is really in need at this holiday season.

My husband will pick out gifts for those members of his family with whom we exchange and I will help him with that in any way that I can.  That leaves the most important person on my list and that is Kirk himself. I never know what to get for him but as always, I will figure out some things that will provide for us to have our own very special gift opening together on Christmas Day.

That leaves me.  I absolutely need nothing nor want anything this year except for hugs.  There are no presents wrapped up under the tree that could warm my heart and soul like a hug from someone else’s heart can do.  Hugs cost nothing and can be given every single day of the year to those with whom we wish to share them.  And long after the last ornament is tucked away for another year and all of the paper and bows have been tossed away, I will still receive my favorite gift of the holidays each and every time that I receive another hug.

About two months ago, one of my friends from Twitter and Facebook contacted me about suggesting some sights and sounds to enjoy in my local area.  It seems that she was planning a trip from Norway that included a bit of the Los Angeles, CA area and she wanted to know what she most needed to see on this, her first foray into southern California.  I provided her with a list of highlights but the more I thought about it, the more I wanted to have the opportunity to meet a friend that I had met in cyberspace.  After all, I know what I thought I knew about this person.

I finally got up the nerve to suggest that we meet face to face and once she seemed amenable to the idea, I was ecstatic.  After all, she was coming here to get together with some of her other friends and was willing for us to spend a day of that precious time together.  I thought of a whole lot of places to go and things to see and stuff to do but then I realized that if the focus was on all of that, I would never have the chance to really get to know her and that was the most important thing.

On the appointed day, Kirk and I headed off to the hotel where she was staying and then off to the beach where it was quite cold and windy.  We had lunch there and walked around on the pier for a bit and then headed off to Melrose Avenue in Hollywood to explore some shops before heading back to her hotel for a bit of dinner before saying our goodbyes.  Where we went and what we did soon paled in comparison to the conversation that we had and the opportunity that we had to get to know each other.  It was a super experience that I know will not be soon forgotten.

It seems that my friend, Moki, is exactly the person that I thought she would be.  She was so kind and loving and warm and Kirk and I, as well as Moki, felt like we had known each other for many years.  We talked about ourselves, our families, how we met and what we are looking forward to doing in the future.  We laughed and chatted about the silly goings-on around us as the time flew by so fast that I couldn’t believe it.  We talked about getting together again and including the rest of her family when we do so.  And we do plan to Skype each other on Christmas Day in order to share our holiday greetings across the miles.

I don’t know about anyone else but I have never felt more grateful for social media and how it brings people together from around the world.  If it were not for our chatting online, Moki and Kirk and I would never have met one another and that would have been a very sad thing.  This opportunity has given me an extra special holiday gift, a friendship that will now last a lifetime.  There is no Christmas list that could ever have produced a gift like that.

I did not watch the premiere episode of Kim Kardashian’s series last Sunday but I couldn’t help but take notice of the clip that was included in a story from Dr. Drew Pinsky accusing Kim of domestic violence against her soon-to-be-ex husband.  On my first pass of the clip, I was taken aback by the intensity with which she threw a punch at Kris Humphries but I must admit that I did not immediately say to myself that what she was doing was domestic abuse.  After all, she is so small in size in comparison to her athlete husband.

Dr. Drew is absolutely correct in his assessment and this is further corroborated by his guest speaker for this piece, clinical psychologist Michelle Golland.  I don’t know whether this was the first time that she launched a physical attack on him but this is the way that a cycle of abuse begins.  The incident occurred after Kris accidentally broke her toenail.  I can’t begin to imagine the anger that must have welled up inside of her to even consider taking a punch at someone who would certainly be in a position to wreak incredible harm upon her unless she was very secure in the knowledge that he would never do anything like that.  And over an accidentally broken toe nail?  I can’t even begin to imagine what she would do if it was something that was of a really important nature.

I can only hope that those who watched the show and those who may have read or seen the story will take a moment to understand that this is the face of domestic violence.  It doesn’t matter if it is Kim and Kris or your friends or family or neighbors.  Anyone who can physically hit, punch, etc. another human being is being abusive and this is a crime.  Think about it if it were one stranger taking a swing at another stranger.  That would be immediate grounds for a charge of assault and battery.

This incident also puts a face on domestic violence against men.  Most people will look at this as something funny but it is anything but that.  A woman who can strike her husband, partner, child, etc. is an abuser and needs help.  No one should ever attack another person regardless of the circumstances unless it is in self-defense in response to a crime being committed against them.  Please understand that a person who is able to attack another adult is also very capable of inflicting abuse on a child so if you know of a relationship where a partner is abusing another person, you can be quite sure that if there are children in that relationship, the children are being abused also.

Kim Kardashian needs help.  This is a growing epidemic throughout the world and this incident once more brings that to light.  This behavior will escalate as her anger and frustrations escalate and she will find a new recipient for her abuse after Kris is gone.  I can only hope that as we all see and read more about abuse, we will step up to the plate and do our part to help those who are in need.  The children are growing up in a very angry and abusive world and if we all do our part to stop the abuse, we can make a better life for everyone.

If you or anyone you know is a victim of domestic abuse, you can seek help through the National Domestic Violence Hotline - 800-799-SAFE (7233) – 1.800.787.3224 (TTY).