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Domestic Violence Victim Gets Jailed for Lying About Beating

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In one of the most horrible miscarriages of justice that I have ever heard, a woman was sentenced to 365 days in jail for lying about being beaten by her boyfriend.  The full story is attached for your own reading and thoughts.

To make a long story short, a tape of an interview with the victim after a second incident where she was being threatened by her live-in boyfriend provide information to the courts about her lying about an earlier incident where she had been beaten with a tire iron.  The deputy district attorney who issued the perjury case said that victims of domestic violence lying to protect those who beat them is sad but truthful testimony is essential to justice.

Victims do not report the abuse or do not press charges and they lie in court to protect themselves.  Victims know that if they do take action against their abusers, they will suffer harsher punishment as soon as the abuser has access to them again.
He also said, “There is no excuse for violence.  Situations where people recant or minimize are on a human level understandable.  But we rely on evidence for truthful testimony.  Victims of domestic abuse lie, we anticipate it, but we want to put on truthful evidence.”

Obviously, this court officer has absolutely no idea about what the victim’s real motivation for lying may truly be.  In addition, if you read the comments submitted by readers of this story, you will quickly understand that those who have never endured domestic violence haven’t a clue about it.  I suppose this makes it easier to understand why it is so very difficult to get help for the victims who do want to get out of their abusive situations.

I don’t know of a single abuse survivor who would lie in court to protect those who beat them. Victims do not report the abuse or do not press charges and they lie in court to protect themselves.  Victims know that if they do take action against their abusers, they will suffer harsher punishment as soon as the abuser has access to them again.  Victims’ lives are threatened if they tell the truth.  And victims who try and succeed in getting restraining orders against their abusers know that the abusers will not respect the order and will come after them with a vengeance.  If you don’t believe it, just think about and keep an eye open for all of the stories where a restraining order was violated and the victim was killed.

There are also those who believe that domestic violence is only an issue in lower economic groups and among those with lower levels of education.  However, those who have done studies in this area have proven that this is not true.  In just the past two days, I have come across several stories of police officers, legislators and professionals such as doctors and lawyers abusing their own spouses or partners.  It happens all the time on a daily basis.

I believe that the only way that domestic abuse can become real for most people is to put a face on it.  Every survivor needs to tell her own personal story over and over and over to everyone who will listen and in every possible arena.  People need to know that it is their family members, their friends and co-workers who are real victims and survivors of abuse.  While most victims are too ashamed to talk about the abuse, it is the only way that others will come to know the magnitude of this problem.  In addition, when survivors share their stories, those that are still suffering do know that they are not alone, that there are those who have fought for their own survival and that help is available if they chose to leave.

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Barbara Jacoby is an award winning blogger that has contributed her writings to multiple online publications that have touched readers worldwide.
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  1. Anonymous

    Comment: I have is I was in a domestic violence situation, and beaten, I told everyone that needed to know
    You don’t stay in this if anyone is reading this, get out, get counseling, and if you have children get counseling
    for them. Sometimes the children will go back to the abuser. I have been accused of lying although I had
    witnesses, this is just people Not understanding domestic violence at all.. If I had not gotten out, I am convinced
    I would not be here today. A lot of people cannot control their tempers speaking to men as well as women.
    The beatings, name calling and threats were no fun at all, a lot of people thought this only happened a short
    time period, not true it was a very long time. Some people stay for what friend’s and family think…Don’t
    do this it’s your life, get up , get a job, and leave before it’s too late.

    It only takes one time.

  2. jaysen

    I’ve been falsely accused of domestic violence so the other party could obtain immigration benefit. If anyone thinks “they should be able to prove it in court” is a realistic statement, i ask you, what is your recourse when the other person intelligently arranges matters so there is no evidence (other than the contradictory statements of the alleged “victim”)?

    What happens when police never believe the man, even with DIRECT PROOF the woman is lying about things large and small? What do you with a system that first thing, makes you homeless, second thing prevents you from making a living in the meanwhile, and third will NOT PROSECUTE filing false police reports?

    You hear that right — there is NO penalty for making any statement a woman might want to secure your property and their citizenship. Sure, there might be on paper, but you have to find a prosecutor who’s willing to do it… and they’re willing to. No matter how clear the evidence.

    This problem of falsely accusing someone of domestic violence (and it is NOT rare. look at *convictions*, not cases, for the real picture) will only end when there are solid penalties for falsifying police reports. As of now, it’s a “get a laywer free card” for women who want to abuse their partners.

    And yes, women abuse men at the same rate. Just because they dont kill men [quite] as often means nothing to the emotional, mental, psychological trauma that women can, and do, inflict on a daily basis. It can leave a man emotionally crippled for life, and absolutely unwilling to participate in creating a family in the future, knowing they can be destroyed on two minutes of levying a charge at the court house, without any proof.. If you think that’s not important, wait until it happens to you!

  3. Cynthia Hagemann

    My name is cynthia Hagemann ,as i read through this article i find myself back to 15 years ago when i had gone through domestic violence . Its no joke and it nothing but the truth that still haunts me till present day 2015 .I recently graduated from college with my bachelors degree in Sociology but find my self utterly stuck in that same wall that restrained me at one time in my life, that wall was my ex husband and his haunting beatings that’s till run in my head , yes i lied and lied on the abuse and eventually lied to the Police and in return was placed in jail for my “False accusations ” .Little did i know that this haunting incident would come back again! The state has drawn a background check and now i may not qualify for a wonderful opportunity in life! I worked my self off through college to prove i’m worth and for what? I have hope and pray to god i will get hired in 7 days for you see the board of committee needs to revise my statement to get a better understanding. If only as the article states one could really understand domestic violence and the fears one faces maybe just maybe we really could be given a second chance. My advise to any domestic violence women is be free and speak out loud speak into the future speak for hope. Don’t worry people whom care will help and support you ! Smile 😉 If anyone hears me please tell my future ,i hope job i’m a good girl! lol

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  5. Adam

    It is a load of rubbish . I am a 40 year od man with no history of violence towards anyone let alone my ex wife. It is pathetic how it is all stacked against the male. Women are just as guilty of abuse yet there is no safety for the man . All a female has to do is cry wolf and the male gets evicted from his home . Put up on domestic violence charges and does not get to see his kids for as long as the women decides. The system sucks and women play the victim to much . I do not agree with any sort of violence towards females at all but I do believe that the law is failing the man miserably and that women use this bias law to alienate the male form his children all to often . There should be far more serious penalties for lying to police about so called domestic violence . If this happened then you would see far more less accusations of dv and all the bullshit could be put to the side and lives could just move forward without all the court bullshit. Women need to be held accountable for ther false allegations and when found guilty harsher penalties should be handed out anted this would stop a lot of hurt and hatred for the family. Anyway I know all you do gooders will never agree but just remember males have rights to

    1. Author
      Barbara Jacoby

      I am in complete agreement with you. Claims of domestic violence against another person are very serious charges and if someone, male or female, lies to the courts, I believe that they should pay an extreme penalty, too. Those who bring false charges do no good for anyone in helping to find solutions to this major problem. There are always going to be people who make false accusations against another in order to get what they want. If you are a victim of such circumstances, I would suggest that you contact a domestic violence agency in your area or the bar association in your area to find someone who would be willing to help you fight such charges without cost to you if you cannot afford it.

    2. Heather

      If a spouse lies about their spouse, can’t the accused sue them for defamation of character? Second of all, prosecutors decide whether or not to prosecute and the accused get their day in court to plead their innocence. Lastly, the language in your post is disrespectful. What is the bias that you are referring to?

      1. Author
        Barbara Jacoby

        Not sure that Adam will reply to your comments to him but wanted to provide him with the opportunity. Thank you again for your speaking out on this subject. The more that we discuss, the more we can raise awareness to this huge problem that continues to be swept under the carpet. Thank you!

    3. nomorepropagandaaboutabuse

      Men are just as abused as women? Really, so if I sat in emergency on a Friday night I would see men coming in beaten black and blue, clinging for their lives would I? You sir, are spreading propaganda that men are just as abused as women. There statistics say the exact opposite. The system is rigged to protect abusers because the system is run by abusers – men with power. There’s no point arguing because abusers don’t care about the truth, so consider this. If nobody will go to dinner with an abuser, nobody will live with an abuser, nobody will marry or have a baby with an abuser, nobody will raise a child with an abuser, how long do you think before those abusers feel totally unloved, unsupported, lonely, disconnected and their DNA and influence in this world is cut out of our population? Consider that 5 times as many men than women kill themselves because men report that nobody loves them and they feel disconnected from humanity and life itself. Consider that women say they feel suicidal just as often as men but they resist killing themselves because they were connected to others who care and love them and most of all, their children need them and they refuse to abandon their children. Men need women. Men need families. Men need connection. If abusive men continue to insist on degrading, lying and abusing those who are vulnerable, poorer, physically weaker and dependent on them, like women and children, what do you think will happen to abusive men. The answer is in the hands of the abuser. Think on that.

      1. letlifehappen

        i believe that you misunderstood my point about men who are being abused. I am a woman and an abuse survivor who was beaten on a regular basis and had a loaded gun pointed at me on more occasions than I can count. I was threatened that if I ever left, I would be hunted down and killed. I left when it got so bad that as far as I was concerned, if he killed me that would be preferable to living one more day as I had for 10 years. I am not nor have I ever defended any abuser. With that said, my point was and still is that men have been, are and will continue to be abused by women. Women have abused other women and men have abused other men. The sad part is when as reported in this particular story, the woman lied about being abused. Such false reports hurt everyone. The problem is not that the system is rigged because it is run by men but rather that most people don’t know what to do with an abuser. They think you can stop the abuse with a piece of paper (court orders, etc.). They don’t understand that if you jail the abusers, there will be hell to pay for the person who reported the abuse. Abusers are sick and should not continue to be repeatedly released back into society after they abuse. They need to be locked up and treated for mental illness. Until such time as that happens, the abuse will continue to happen as it always had. And any person who falsely accuses another person of abuse or any crime for that matter deserves to be punished for the damage that they have caused.

        1. jas

          How could you call it height of injustice, if woman is lying to get men punished. I think lying woman should be given double sentence.

      2. Mike Ham

        Here we are one year later, ‘it’s ironic that your article now mine were written on Valentines Day’. However, your response was exquisitely written and accurate. I made that dreaded phone call to the police one night during an argument and my wife unplugged the phone, the police were there within minutes. They came in for me it appeared and my wife began lecturing at them. after a brief conversation with me that I do not recall they handcuffed her and took her to jail. The poor girl spent three days in jail, and had two ribs broke by an inmate! She hadn’t as so much had a speeding ticket in her life. 25 years of marriage and for the last year we haven’t been able to talk or see each other? I cry every day and worry that she’ll be jailed. Here’s the thing, ” I was abusing pain medication and hypnotic sleeping pills and honestly do not know what I even told the police” I was told several months ago by the officer that I will be charged for lying and probably jailed for the perjury. I love her so much and if I have to be jailed then so be it. I just can’t understand how this spiralled out of control and ruined our lives? One year later and they’re not done yet? What to do?

        1. Author
          Barbara Jacoby

          I don’t think that I am aware of a single case of physical abuse where substance abuse wasn’t involved. I think that it is time to start treating the cause rather than just punishing the results. It is the only way to ever make a real change.

  6. kulkarni

    Can anyone tell me what happens to a female who lie in the court and get caught with a telephone conversation being recorded and presented in the court ?

    1. Author
      Barbara Jacoby

      I can’t because I have had no personal experiences in this area but if you have and would like to share, we would love to hear from you.

  7. John

    I am a man and have been abused for 2 plus years at the hands of a woman that is abusive. She. Suffers from borderline personalty disorder. Not saying everyone with this is abusive but certainly in my case this is the truth. I Tryed to get help from the police but they would not listen. I find it hard to say anything About the abuse as my life will become hell. She recently ran away with our child and has gone to another country. Still no assistance from the police. Men also can be scard to disclose DV. For the same reasons of. Wong scared and having no self worth but with an added negitive that the police are reluctant to take on bored men are abused as well.

    I feel as much pain as anyone else. And suffer the same fears.

    1. Author
      Barbara Jacoby

      Thank you so much for sharing. You are not the first man to talk about his situation here and I must say that I commend you. It doesn’t matter if you are a man or a woman. You are a person who is suffering from abuse. I do wish more men would step forward if they find themselves in abusive situations. You have to be a confident enough in yourself to do what you have done and don’t give up. You have plenty of us to provide support to you and if we keep on talking about abuse and reporting it, I believe that you will make a difference. Please keep up the good work. You are helping other men whether you realize it or not. I am so sorry that your child has been taken away but there again, I suggest that you fight to get him/her back. The best first step is through your congress people. Please feel free to share here any time and if there is anything that we can do for you, please let me know.

  8. barbara ravenell

    I have been in three domestic abuse situation in my life time at 51yrs. and I am truly tired of women who falsely accuse men of domestic violence. this is a serious matter. I know of 2 men who are falsely accused and because of the system they get arrested every time. both men don’t live with the woman. but if they don’t do what they say they will call the police. that is what they are doing now here in Massachusetts. and it sickens me. not only are they hurting these men but the children as well because now they can’t get work for support. one of the men has custody of 2 of his children and a girlfriend but he still has to do his children mother laundry and what ever she wants or she will lie to police same with other man he has to be under her beck and call. they have wittiness saying there not around these women but they still go to trial and probation. just don’t know what to do. I also know 2 young men who are abuse by their girlfriends but are ashamed to say. I witness the abuse but it does no good here. being a victim of abuse and running from it now I am just tired.

    1. Author
      Barbara Jacoby

      I really appreciate your sharing. What these women are doing is as despicable as any abuse of a woman by a man. I would suggest that these men seek legal counsel and if they can’t afford to hire their own attorneys then go to the public defenders office. There are more and more men who are being abused and allowing it to continue is not right. Please help these men to seek counsel and if they can’t find help there, perhaps a discussion with their physician or someone else in the medical community can head them in the direction of some help. Doing nothing is the worse thing for everyone involved.

  9. Edward Nunes

    California domestic violence protocols require the arrest of the husband or father despite evidence to the contrary. Moreover, his arrest may preclude him from certain occupations although he was exonerated. No woman who has lied about rape or abuse has ever been tried for her crimes. This would be a conflict of interest that would require a special prosecutor and that costs money. That is why some of us refer to this as cash register justice.

    1. Author
      Barbara Jacoby

      Thank you so very much for the information. This is so very wrong and I am certainly not a proponent of this kind of injustice. No person should ever falsely accuse another of a crime that never occurred and I truly hope that anyone who chooses to that at the expense of another person’s life will come to know what the phrase “what goes around, comes around” truly means.

  10. Edward Nunes

    This woman could be suffering from Stockholm Syndrome. It is the psychological tendency of a hostage to bond with their captor. There should be more information on the Internet about this phenomenon.

    1. Author
      Barbara Jacoby

      Thank you so much for sharing this information. I must say that although I have heard of “Stockholm syndrome”, I had absolutely no idea what it was. I definitely will be looking into it though and really appreciate your bringing this to my attention.

  11. Chris Tommis

    Ive watched a woman, lie through her teeth about being abused because she didnt get what she wanted..She was in my opinion Bi-polar, a drug addict and just a low life. She wanted money without having to work, she slept through out the day, partied all night and my friend spent to much time in jail for her bulklshit! Wheres the NY state jutice, NY states that if the victim just accuses, the other must go to jail…WHAT!!!! Nice law! NY state needs an enema!
    Nassau and suffolk counties at least. What about the abuse from her? Her name calling, talking to a 4 year boy telling him his daddy is shit, a loser, fat and she hates him!!???Get a grip on this!

    1. Author
      Barbara Jacoby

      Thank you for providing your opinion. It is a well known fact that the justice system is the only recourse that we have for any abuse cases. Of course, there are always ways in which some people are able to beat the system be it a woman accusing a man or a man accusing a woman. If any justice system allows that if someone just accuses another person and for that he or she is jailed, then there is a much bigger problem than I can imagine. If, in fact, the woman is as you described her, why was your friend not able to prove this in court? And of course, if she is abusing him as you say and abusing a child in the manner that you describe, then your friend should bring charges against her. After all, if he just accuses as you indicated, then she should automatically be jailed.

    1. Author
      Barbara Jacoby

      Welcome to my world!!! Just know that nothing in your life will ever be as difficult or scary again. You have your life and that is all that matters.

  12. Laura Ann Tull via Facebook

    Sometimes we only know our own experience and fear can lead to people to feel they have no choice but to stay with the person hurting them the most. Others assume to that labels like father or husband mean safety and love and cant perceive what happens behind closed doors. I just wish the law would realize that sometimes domestic issues should be a concern and not just something to walk away from. Like a child in need the victim needs to be removed from the situation and not pushed to it. At the same time maybe being in jail will lead to this victim being saved. I think it would have been the best if they were put into a facility for rehab from abuse, a place where they can get care and love and support and not punishment.

    1. Barbara Jacoby

      You have made some very valid points. The fear factor is the one factor that keeps most people in an abusive situation. The single biggest problem in all cases of abuse is the secrecy. How can authorities remove a child from an abusive situation when they don’t know what is going on. How can a woman find a way out of her situation when she knows that if her abuser finds out that she has talked to anyone about the situation, she will definitely pay for it. I do understand that there are some who choose to stay in their abusivie situation because they “love” the abuser which is so sad. However, in the story that I shared here on the blog, no one is better off for locking up this victim for one year.

    2. Heather

      What do you mean, “…the victim needs to be removed from the situation and not pushed to it. At the same time maybe being in jail will lead to this victim being saved.”?

      “Mending the Soul” by Tracy and Tracy is an excellent resource for healing from abuse (book and workbook) and the organization has a four part video called “When Love Hurts”.

      Just like people are hurt from unhealthy relationships, healing comes from healthy relationships (not romantic) and Christ is the healer of our hearts! He was abused so we could have eternal life with Him and life on earth abundantly!

      I am a survivor of abuse and have met multiple women and men who are survivors as well, in the last 6 months. Hurt people hurt people, so for people who have been abused, it’s important that they seek healing and help so they don’t hurt themselves or others.

      1. Author
        Barbara Jacoby

        Thank you so very much for your comments. I do understand and appreciate that you are speaking from your own personal experiences and responding to someone whose comments do not appear here. Each person’s experience is as personal as the abuser with whom they are dealing. Please know that I respect your views but I must note that I am not in agreement with one in particular and that is the comment about “hurt people hurt people”. I am so sorry that this was your personal experience and is the reality for others. But, from my personal experience and those of hundreds that I have met along the way, such is not the case. We would never, ever do anything to hurt another person in any way, shape or form after what we experienced. I wish you continued success in your journey of healing and again, I thank you for providing us with your perspective on this most difficult subject to address. I do believe that there are many who need to read the comments that you provided.

  13. samantha

    i am a victim of d/v. i put up with it for 6 yrs n i finally left my husband a lil over a yr ago….i am goin be starting classes so i am able to go out in the community n share my story with others.. also i started my own “against domestic violence” grp so any help would be appreciated…

    1. Author
      Barbara Jacoby

      Sound like you sure are on the right path to helping others. Please let me know what help you might need as you build on this most worthy path and I will do whatever I can. Thank you so much for sharing here. I wish you every success in your endeavor and just know that there are lots of prayers from me and much gratitude for all of those that you are going to help.

  14. Let Life Happen Blog by Barbara Jacoby via Facebook

    Thank you so much! Yes, we could all go on about what we should have seen and what we should have done sooner but it doesn’t change anything. I should have departed after the first time that I had a loaded gun in my face and the threat to kill me. I didn’t. We are human and as I was fortunate to get out with my life, I want to let others know that they can do the same.

  15. Judy Bost via Facebook

    yes the only ones who can understand it is someone who has experienced it.my support for me to take the case all the way was my boss,she helped me with so much and she had been thru it herself many years before.oh and the judge cussed him out in nicer words about who he thinks he is putting his hands on someone and taking it further burning myself…you know the crazy man after he put the cigarette on my face and ran when my MOTHER came to help me he went home and burned himself in the face and tried to tell people i did it to him first!like what?he finally admitted to his mom that he did it to himself….and she really opened her eyes to see that he needs help…im not one to make excuses but i know if he were to get mental treatment and some meds he would be a lot better…he has bipolar in the family and was brought up in abuse.but ladies if your reading these posts and are in the situation that you know is no good…you can come away from it it takes strength and determination but it does work out!man i could go on and on with the things that i shoulda took as a red light to him and his family but maybe another day…

  16. Let Life Happen Blog by Barbara Jacoby via Facebook

    There was a reason that you fell in love with that man in the first place and no matter what happens, that love does not just disappear. I started being abused after 4 months of marriage and I did not leave until the day after our 10th wedding anniversary. No one, and I mean no one, who has not lived with abuse can know what it is like. No one can tell you what to do or when to leave. It will, or will not, happen at exactly the right moment. That is why it is so important to share your story. Those who are in abusive situations need to hear about what others have gone through. Those are the people who need to know that they are not alone. They need to know that others have gone through the same things and that being stupid is not part of the reason why any of us have been in these situations. And the only ones who can help another person who is being abused is someone who has lived that life.

  17. Judy Bost via Facebook

    i dont mind talking about it..i hope that it can help others to see that you can get away from it.no matter how crazy the man may seem…you can turn that craziness around on them!the only thing is like i didnt ask people for help or talk too much about it because i know that others will tell you what you need to do but it will happen when your finally ready to put a stop to it.plus i know they wouldnt want to keep hearing about it if im still staying in the situation.and dont feel stupid if you still have feelings for the guy…i still love my kids father,and still struggle with wanting to be with him.but i gratefully still have 2 years of him being gone to get over him and get strong like i used to be.this can happen to anyone.i never put up with abuse before and walked away from a man with just the slightest hint of him being abusive…but for some reason this one had a hold on me and i stayed.God put people in my life to help me get out of it.

  18. Let Life Happen Blog by Barbara Jacoby via Facebook

    You sure have had a tough time of it. I hope that you are so very proud of yourself for how far you have come. I know how hard it is to start over but it is so worth not having to put up with the abuse. You are a true inspiration to others and I thank you so much for sharing your story here. I know that others will certainly be helped by doing this.

  19. Judy Bost via Facebook

    and i say lack of self worth because it does bring it down if not totally yakes it away.i had my life going good and ended up with 2 kids from this guy,lost my good job,my nice car and my apartment.i didnt realize how badly he was affecting me untill it was too late.i now have severe anxiety issues but am slowly getting myself back together.he’s currently serving four years in fed prison…..

  20. Judy Bost via Facebook

    wow! no i didnt read it…but i did nothing about it the first time my ex put his hands on me…and i really shoulda left then and got medical care(he choked me repeatedly and i think did leave something outta place)i didnt tho because i didnt understand it and was afraid.but the second time(mind you we were broken up)he put a cigarette out on my face and tried to go at me i did press charges,after a few days of thinking about it and finding my support i did take him to court.in the end he plead guilty the day we went to court and got his time(they had pictures and my moms witnesssing it)and after i had gotten into a fight with the girl he was with at the time.my fear was his family coming after me and causing me strife,but in reality they didnt like it but understood it.hes a lil nuts and the girl well huh lets just say i dont think she’ll try that again.

  21. Let Life Happen Blog by Barbara Jacoby via Facebook

    You are so right about the fear. Don’t know if you had a chance to read the article attached to the actual blog, but a deputy district attorney was able to get an abused woman sentenced to 365 days in jail for lying in court about being beaten with a tire iron. He believed that she was just defending her abuser as a humanitarian issue. He didn’t understand that she most likely feared for her life if she did anything to get him incarcerated.

    1. nomorepropagandaaboutabuse

      She also may not have had the means to put a roof over her head without him. That’s the most common reason women defend their abusers and always has been.

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