Help Others – Tell Your Story
February 7, 2010 by Barbara Jacoby
Filed under Breast Cancer, Creating Happiness, Recent Posts
One of the single most important things that I have learned since writing my very first blog is that by telling my story, I am helping other people who have been or currently are in the same circumstances that I have experienced. I have also learned that once other people read or heard your story and know that others have been down the same road and survived, they know that they are not alone and that there are other people out there who are willing to provide support for them. The amazing thing that you will also find is that you are also helping yourself by sharing your story because you are releasing some, if not all, of the pent up emotions that are associated with that time and space in your life.
Everyone has a story. It doesn’t matter whether it is something that occurred in your childhood or just happened last week. You have succeeded in overcoming something in your life and we want to share that here with those who may be dealing with the same thing at this very moment. Each success that you have had just shows you the true inner strength that you possess and by sharing those successes with others, it will assist others in learning from your experiences so that they can succeed, too.
To that end, I would appreciate it if you would provide your stories to me by clicking on the special icon provided below. Your stories will be shared without providing any information about you personally unless you notify me at the end of your story that you would like to make yourself available to anyone who may have questions or would like to speak with you directly.
We are all in this life together and we can make a real difference by being willing to help each other. It doesn’t cost you a dime to help and you don’t even have to leave the comfort of your home. But what you are contributing to help others is invaluable and appreciated so much more than you will ever know. And just think how you would feel if by telling your own story, you helped at least one other person. There is nothing more valuable in this world that you could ever receive.
I think a lot of peoples problems are different but yet similar. They are similar because they deal with strife whether it your were the antagonist or protagonist. It really doesn’t make a difference on either side because both have to deal with pain. I myself is the one who caused the pain to my ex girl fr
iend. Things just happen in a relationship and they just keep spiraling out of control. Nothing you can do with it. However, I lost the love of my life and I am sure she will never come back! You have to learn from these issues that you have and fully heal and move on! Many of the problems were caused by anger! Getting over anger is necessary to become a better person so you can grow. It is all up to you!
Thank you so much for your comments. I think that you have made some very astute observations. I am so sorry that you have lost the love of your life but having learned from your experiences and having made the changes necessary in order to become a better person will definitely open up a whole new path in life for you. Perhaps you may just find that the love of your previous life is just that, in the past, and the best is yet to come. I know that that is what happened for me and I appreciate your reminding me of that fact. And I thank you for sharing your story because you just may make a positive difference for someone else and that is the greatest gift that you can receive.
My name is Jess, I am 29 years old. I suffer from post traumatic stress disorder. I overdosed 12 times my last two being the worse. I woke up on a vent both times. I have been a “cutter” since as long as I can remember. I cut, burn anything to hurt myself. my last overdose was nov. 5th 2009. I have not cut or burned myself since then.. I still have flashbacks, of past abuse and still struggle with things.. but i find other ways to cope now.. and it’s not always easy.. I didn’t know how much detail to go into, I just found this site.. But I want you to share my story and I will be available for anyone who wants to contact me. As helping others is what keeps me going. :>)
You’d better believe that I will share your story. While my blog for this week has already been set, I plan to write about you and quote your story next weekend. I can’t thank you enough for sharing and being willing to help others. It is the single biggest motivator for others to take action when they find that they are not alone and it is the single biggest healer for the victims to write about their experiences in order to help others. The helping of others becomes an acceptable reason for what you had to go through – it gives a meaning to a most horrendous situation/life. Thank you so very much for writing to me. I truly appreciate it.
DOMESTIC ABUSE HURTS!!!!! I have had a very interesting life. My only sister had a genetic disease. I realized when I was about 18 that she had a terminal condition. I could only watch as she suffered being called names a school because of her physical deformities and her wheelchair. She was jealous of me too because she wanted a normal life, but didn’t have the physical ability. My parents loved each other very much and had a great relationship. They are still living and doing well, but this has been the best thing about my life. The other is that I was blessed with a lot of creativity and used it to play musical instruments a lot and do a lot of crafts. My outlet now is singing and playing guitar, playing bass with a band, and playing with a bluegrass band. I married at the age of 21 and he was so perfect. Not long after, though, he was controlling, not at all like my dad. He would get angry when we didn’t agree and before I knew what was happening, I would be pinned to the wall. My little thin boned wrists felt like they would just pop and break. Displays of anger were frequent, door slamming bad enough to break the frame, throwing objects, especially things that I had made or were given to me by my friends was common. He would often hold me to the wall and spit into my face as he grumbled under his voice words that I shudder to remember f…b… I was scared he was going to snap during his sleep and just break my neck or something because the anger was so bad that he would even be angry when he talked in his sleep, which was quite frequent. He would always answer me in a very angry manner. He cut me off a lot. I supported us for 5 years while he went to school. He always controlled the money, down to the little things. I had to beg to get a car that was decent and he finally said yes, only to change his mind and say no. My car broke down not long afterward in the middle of nowhere, that was before cell phones. This was my money, but I didn’t dare cross him. I never called the police after an incident (which occurred approximately monthly) partly due to embarrassment. I was very Baptist and we just didn’t do that sort of things, I had to keep up appearances. I loved him too and didn’t want to embarrass him. I never said a single word to my parents for 10 years!!! I would sometimes cry but wouldn’t tell her why. I had very strong faith in God and felt that I didn’t have a Biblical reason to leave. I went through 5 pregnancies. Lost 1 to a miscarriage and 1 to a stillbirth. Those were really tough days. My sister also passed after 6 weeks in the hospital on a ventilator just before my first child was born. I began to develop a lot of physical problems. After 10 years, he finally quit the physical abuse, but continued with a lot of emotional and verbal abuse. He demanded food on the table at a certain time, insisted I work part time, and managed to take care of our 3 children’s needs and carpooling. He was out of town nearly every week also, so I had full responsibility for appointments and practices, etc. I was so exhausted. I got up and cooked breakfast every morning and tried harder and harder to satisfy him. The harder I tried, the quicker he found something else that I was doing wrong. Like, one night, I was in a panic about dishes being dirty from food I had prepared for a Christmas party. I was up at 10:00 trying to wash them and he got angry because I was making noise. I kept an emmaculate house, but he always found something wrong, like that dinner should be on the table by a certain time. One day, I had prepared a chicken salad meal, bought croissants, made pretzel/ strawberry jello salad, and served it to him. It’s a favorite meal at a nice restaurant in town. He turned his nose up to it, saying how that wasn’t a meal. Anyway, he is Mr. Wonderful to everybody around us, the nicest guy you’d ever meet. I can imagine another girl will fall for him really easily. He’s good looking and smart and makes a lot of money. I was scared to leave because I had no self-confidence and was scared of having to work full time because of my nearly debilitating fatigue. When the kids were younger, he would have done everything he could to get custody and I was so beat down that I would have probably figured they’d be better off without me. It has been a year since I finally divorced and I am still really depressed. I had felt suicidal a lot during the marriage, it seemed the only way out. I now am still heartbroken. He has never shown remorse for hurting me and even when he didn’t want the divorce, he would never ask forgiveness or anything about hurting me. I am supposed to trust God, but now I don’t seem to care about anything. I used to be passionate about worship and playing music, and now I really don’t care. I even was just wanting to bluegrass gig to get over with and I usually love gigs. Also, I had a very nice boyfriend for a while, but just cannot move on to have a relationship. Sorry to leave on a sad note. If you’re in that situation, just realize you have to take one day at a time and there is hope, I know that it is around the corner, but it’s discouraging right now because I don’t like being alone and my last baby goes off to college in less than a year. I just am scared and I don’t know what I’m going to do. Anyway, I knew if I stayed, I would die, I just had a feeling in my gut and I just said that I may not understand the Bible totally, but I just have to trust that God doesn’t want his children to voluntarily stay in an abusive situation. I am so ashamed when I see all our christian “couples” friends. I feel like such a failure. I will say, that sometimes I feel happy and I have not been nearly as poor as I thought I’d be, in fact, I have as much materially as I did before, except for the nice vacations. I even had a good vacation with my parents last week, so I am going to survive somehow and I love my house. I believe that God is going to bring a wonderful man into my life one day when I am ready. This hope keeps me getting up in the morning, and seeing my little girl who I love so much.
Thank you so very much for sharing your story. I hope that it helps others as it helps me. I would like so much to continue our conversation in private and will be contacting you to do so. Again, thank you so very much.
Please try to talk to someone, it does help so much. I felt a weight lifted off me when I finally told him. I even sought counseling for some time. Please take it from survivor, don’t try to deal with this all alone. I am here if you need anything. Please feel free to ask me anything.
Thank you so much, Leah. You are so right about trying to talk. I must admit that the first time around, it was the last thing that I wanted to do. By the second time, I did somewhat better but it took me quite awhile before I could really let loose. That is why being here was so important to me. Now, along with you, others know that we are here to help and we welcome your questions or sharing because we know what a difference it makes.
I also have the site http://www.beatboobcancer.blogspot.com
I too am a breast cancer survivor. In my case they took them both. I also know abuse. All my life I think I’ve had the voice of my father stalking me telling me I can’t shoot for dreams. I can’t strive for success. I can’t be happy. I had to follow the path he wanted for me and had no choices. He still does that. He still wants me not where I am and miserable. He still does not want me working in Cali but back east working for the government and unless they let me come to work in jeans and artsy tops, I’m not applying. I love California and you can’t make me take a job I already hate.
Life is short. I think my biggest disappointment though is how easy it is for others to falsely take from you what you work for. How easy it is for your life to be turned upside down. Cancer took my breasts though not my integrity. No matter how much I hear that voice, and my father unfortunately is still in my life on one level, though I want to find a way for him to not be there, I will never be the person my father wanted. I think abuse comes in lots of flavors. And the scars can be so deep. You can’t forgive someone who degrades you so much. but you can find away to forgive yourself for letting it hurt you. You have to. Part of me still feels like I am a monster. And for some reason the world seems to be treating me that way too and I don’t know why. I am the last person to truly want to hurt anyone. I am the last person who would put $$$ before life.
I hurt my legs and my parents were happy about it. expected me to go back east and give up. I am still here. I don’t know why my life is a mess, but it would be destroyed if I gave in and it would be over if I went back east cause I would always be depressed and in pain. I have so many health issues related to cold weather it is not funny and yet my family wants me back there and would lie to get me to go. That to me is abuse. No one should want to see anyone in pain. No one should destroy your dreams, or hopes. No one should take away the good work that you do or demean you goodness. No one.
Life is short. If you know you are a good person, and you know you are not doing anything wrong. Live it. Since 9/11 we punish ourselves. We need to love ourselves and each other. I started my blogs cause I needed to give back. I needed to say this is who I am and not that voice in my head that puts me down. I am fighting to keep my head up every day. It is not easy. And for some reason others will do it to you if they know your weakness. But be weak sometimes. Don’t be afraid to be yourself and don’t be afraid to feel and care. When you become like the monster haunting you and abusing you, then they have won. I see how someone who is abused can become the monster. I know there are those in my life who have tried to push me there and assumed I was that. I have a temper and I can have sharp tongue. But i know in my heart I only strike when pushed too far. We can all find light in the dark.
Thank you so very much for sharing your story here. I can’t believe so many similarities in our lives. I, too, am from the East Coast (PA), worked for the state government there, seriously injured my knee which has had surgery, had a father who thought that I should remain in PA and work for the government, had plenty of ideas about what I should do with my life and who, regardless of what I did, never thought that I was good enough and here I am in CA (visited here and knew within 48 hours that I had to live here) with having had a double mastectomy. But, I discovered that if you go through all of these trying times in your life and come out the other end still standing, there is nothing in the world in which you could ever be more proud than you are of having stood tall, believing in yourself and knowing that there isn’t a single thing that can ever defeat you unless you are willing to allow that to happen. Laura, you are a true inspiration and I am so proud to know you. And I also love all of the work that you are continuing to do, not the least of which is the Avon walk and for what you have shared to date about thermal imaging.
thank you. I find it has been hard for others to understand my situation. I love acting and the art and photography. I love to be creative. I know why you love it out here too. Do you find your knees hurt less here? Mine do. sometimes I think I am being punished for it though by the people in my life who want to push me back. Here I can hike and I have times of complete reprieve where I feel I could almost run a race again. (Almost I know better.)
I also do the Revlon Walk. I have not done the Avon one, other than volunteer right after my surgery. I feel guilty cause I have not helped there. I help with WeSparks. You are a blessing. I wanted to do something like this to save the planet from cancer. I feel like I have not done enough. And every time I get on one of my i want to act kicks I feel guilty for not doing more. Thank you.
Oh, you are way too hard on yourself. I am so glad that you felt comfortable enough to share your story here because it helps all of us. You are doing such wonderful things that I am not able to do such as the Revlon Walk so we are both doing what we can to help in our own ways. All of us here do whatever we can individually and collectively, we have already made a difference for others in ways that we will ever know. That’s what it is alll about. We are all in this together and you are doing what you can and so do the others here like Mandi who is helping those who knows what being abused as a child is like. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
I think it is time I answered someone who took what I wrote here and sent it to my parents. When I was a kid my dad would turn me upside down and put my feet on the ceiling while I screamed and he laughed. He thought it was funny. When I was a kid he would make the janitor open the school and humiliate me when I forgot my homework. If I told him I had a project he would take it over and so I stopped telling him. He lets people think I am difficult to deal with because I love the arts and dont care as much about money as enjoying each moment and wanting to love life. I work hard but he would destroy all the work I have done to make me be a lawyer. I can’t. Id rather make nothing and work on sets and I had a plan to work in an industry he knows nothign about and he cant control and he hates that. My father loved to call me stupid though I have three degrees. I am currently trying to get all the skills to make film and you know what- I get As. No matter what the subject. I have a photographic memory and a passion for the arts and acting and my dad will never make me be what he wants me to be. I have a mole now that needs to be removed cause it is A typical but with my father in my life and no hope of doing what I chose to stay alive for even though i am gifted and talented and I am sorry more beautiful than my father would ever agree to or accept. I mean I had my feet knocked out from under me and my parents were happy. I had my toe smashed at a theater where the guys father is a cop and probably knows my dad and my dad acted like my toe nail would fall off and not come back. I want to be free and no one slave and my dad treats me like I have to still sit down and plan my life when my plans will never include them ever again. I want to make movies and create art and I am responsible. But my father wants the world to think of me as someone who cant be on her own and needs his guidance. Well I dont like guns and I am scared of knives and I am non-violent and the only place I have loved as home is hollywood and the only place I felt alive was on a film set. MY parents are not good people at least not at all healthy for me.
Thank you for the additional insight that you have provided into your personal story. Just know that if you follow your heart and follow your dreams, you will know true happiness. No one, including your father, knows what is best for you. Only you know what is best for you. Enjoy life and the opportunities that you have created for yourself and let your life be the example of all that is good within you. It will shine through and others will be content in your happiness.
I grew up in a very dysfunctional family. I told my therapist that I felt like cousin Marilyn in The Munster’s. The only normal family member in a family full of freaks. I remember feeling different from them early on. My mom was the head of our house. She was very controlling and would rage out of control all the time. She was always mad at my brother or fighting with my dad. I stayed really good and quiet so she wouldn’t go crazy over something I said or did. But she would be so mad at my brother sometimes, that she would take things out on me too. She would chase me through the house with a belt and beat me with it until she wore herself out. She left me with bruises on the inside and on the outside. She also forced me to eat by standing over me with a belt until I ate my food. Then if I ate the food and threw up because I hated it, she would spank me for throwing up. I couldn’t win. My family was obese and food was their obsession. I hated food and didn’t really eat much at all unless I was forced. I started bingeing and purging as early as 8. At least that’s the earliest memory.
With my mom dominating the family, that left my dad feeling powerless. My dad was the only one in my family that paid me a lot of attention. He seemed so loving as he read me bedtime stories, played games with me, gave me baths and fixed my hair. He made me feel special and I really needed that attention. I remember him “tickling” me as early as 5. But I believe he started touching me a lot earlier based on pictures of me. I have a picture of me when I was 3 and I was sitting on the couch in a pose in my underwear only. I have a zoned out look on my face. Zoning out was my way of coping with the abuse. My dad was the camera man ~ as always. He was ALWAYS taking my picture. He started posing me in bathing suits and when the Polaroid came out, we were the first family on the block to have one. There are some pictures of me posing like a Playboy model that I still don’t even know where they are. My dad was really into porn and would go into the city to buy his X-rated books. This was of course before videos and internet. He also had Playboy Magazines around out in the open. My dad molested me and groomed me until I was 8 years old. That’s when he started doing everything to me. That was a pivotal point in my life because that’s when everything changed for us. After that first time, he just got up and walked away leaving me there. He wouldn’t talk to me for a few days. I thought I had done something wrong or made him mad. He would start to talk to me again and everything would be fine until the next time. It was a cycle of manipulation. I wanted his love so badly, that I would do anything to make him talk to me. The sexual abuse just progressed and got even worse as time went on. My mom and dad both worked shift work ~ so there was a lot of time that we had alone in the house. My mom almost caught us once, but he talked his way out of it after a huge fight. All of the abuse stopped when I was 13. I believe the reason is because he started my cycle and he was afraid I would get pregnant. But I can’t be sure. He acted like he was really mad at me when he found out that I started. He made me feel disgusting. And that was it. I spent a lot of time thinking that I had done something to make him not love me anymore. I’ve spent a lot of time in therapy working through that. My dad and I didn’t really talk much during my teen years. I was at school and worked all the time. I married when I was 19, and my dad died 6 months later of a heart attack at 48 years old. I didn’t feel anything when he died. I never told my mom about him and I don’t think I ever will. She used to tell me that I was the only good thing in her life. And if it wasn’t for me, she would have killed herself long ago. So I always felt like this would hand her the bullet to kill herself. Plus, her reaction would be very explosive ~ at least at first. I don’t really need her to know. I feel like my dad felt so powerless in his life. And the only power he had was over me. I also believe he was a sex addict who was also an alcoholic. The alcohol numbed his pain of what he was doing.
This is already so long, so I’ll try to make the rest really short. My half brother (we have different dads) is 3 years older than me. He beat me up and molested me all of my life. He tried to choke me, smother me, drown me and he also punched me in the crotch over and over again once when he was 16 and I was 13. He was holding a knife when he started punching me, and the knife went through his fingers and stabbed me in the crotch. I flipped out at that point and he stopped, because he realized that he had really hurt me and was going to get into trouble. Instead, my dad was upset. But told us not to tell my mom because we know how upset she gets. I had a cut on my crotch that probably needed stitches, but we couldn’t tell anybody. My brother was always in trouble about something, and didn’t have any friends. I knew something was wrong with him but I didn’t know what. He brutally raped me when he was 20 and I was 17. He was drunk and out of control. I never told my mom about that. But she did know about almost everything else he did. Now he is in jail for child molestation that took place over 20 years ago. And he keeps coming in and out for having 4 DWI’s. I was also abused by my first boyfriend at 14 for a year. My dad’s brother abused me. He was also an alcoholic and drunk one night when I was staying at my grandma’s. My friend’s father who drugged me and raped me. I later found out that he had been abusing my friend since she was 5. I never went to her house ever again. My brother’s grandpa (on his dad’s side) abused me every summer when we spent two weeks there. I begged my mom not to let me go. But she made me go until I was 13 and refused to go. I was also abused by two out of three boys that I went for a ride with when I was in the 8th grade. We were at a dance and I liked one of the boys. They were in the 10th grade. They asked if I wanted to go get a coke at Sonic ~ and I went. After getting our drinks, they took me to an empty cul de sac, drank beer, and then two of them raped me. So much happened to me that I just felt like it must have been me. I must have done something to make them think it was OK. I’ve worked on this in therapy for many years. And I’m just now getting to the point where I don’t think it was my fault. I think I was just shy, quiet and good. And they felt like I wouldn’t tell. Now I’m living a good life with my family. I’m happy and always working hard to be a better person. I’ve been married for 25 years. And I have two grown children that I love dearly. Life just keeps getting better. And I’m savoring those moments. I am a true believer in “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” If I can make it through all of that, I can do anything. Sorry this was so long ~ if you got this far.
Blessings ~
Mandi
Oh, my heavens! I can’t even imagine how horrible it would be to have been abued one time let alone the hell that you had to endure for years at the hands of so many sick people. And to have been taught that you could never share the information with anyone is just unthinkable. I think you must be the strongest woman that I have ever known. I don’t think that I could have endured all of that and survived to go on and create a whole new life for myself as you have done. I am so glad that you are coming to realize that none of this was your fault because it wasn’t. Thank you so much for sharing your story here and for the comments that you posted in response to the other stories. You are such an incredible inspiration and your support of others is really appreciated by all of us who often think that we don’t have what it takes to struggle through the hard times that we face. From the bottom of my heart, thank you from all of us. I feel so very privileged to know you.
wow after reading your post my eyes just teared. You have endured so much and look at you now:) So many people that went through what you did don’t make it.. You found a way through the darkness… I appreciated your story.
I feel that what you went through is extraordinary and the fact that you have already reached a point where you are willing to help other as a result of what you endured is a phenomenal point to have reached at your age. You are truly an inspiration and I feel so privileged to have been able to meet you. I am also grateful if my story helps you in any way as I know that your story will definitely impact many lives. I know what it feels like to reach the point where you feel that anything is preferable, including death if that is to be the case, rather than continuing to live the horror that is abuse. Thank you again for sharing.
(I love to share this with people, so feel free to do so; you’re right, telling you story can help others get through.)
The most common reaction I get when I tell someone that I grew up in an abusive home is a startled look and “But I thought your dad was a PREACHER!?!?” Yes, he is, and since when did that make one exempt from abuse?
Long story short, he had a temper and very heavy hands. I can’t say how many times I dragged myself home from school with a bad report card, chanting under my breath “It won’t be so bad if I just tell the truth.” Even then it was still pretty bad. He quit hitting me when I got taller than my mom around age 11…but then he just yelled. I’d have to stand still, at something like military attention and listen to the lecture. The only correct answers were “yes sir” and “no sir.”
Even with all that crap going on, I figure I still could have had a chance at growing up more or less normal…if that was the only abuse I had to cope with.
When I was about 7 we moved to another town so Dad could take a job. I hated and feared one of the church elders on sight; turns out my instincts were right because he was a pedophile. Mr. M. was pawing at me within a few months, and relieved me of my virginity when I was 9.
Time passed, and Dad moved us again. My grades stunk, I had no friends, I was terrified of virtually anyone I did not know. I sank into a depression, and at 15 attempted to end my life. That started a 10 year phase of major psych problems for me. I lost count of admissions to the psych unit somewhere around 12. The final number is probably closer to 20.
Finally my psychiatrist signed off on the papers to get me on disability. I had some financial freedom, but was still living in my father’s house, and he was still verbal and emotionally abusing me.
But that disability check gave me an edge– it was income, and I found an apartment. But even then, living on my own, I knew I was still more broken than I knew how to fix. I was better, but still not whole.
I asked my caseworker about therapists, and she gave me a list of places that offered services on a sliding scale. I called the one that jumped out at me, and scheduled an evaluation.
That evaluation was…well, it’s probably a good thing that I don’t remember much of it. I know I stuttered so much the evaluator had a hard time understanding me, much beyond that is a blur.
I was approved for services and given into the care of a therapist named Casey. There were times I LOATHED that woman! She made me say things I didn’t wanna say, think things I didn’t wanna think and do things I didn’t wanna do…and I started to get better.
After roughly 2 intense years, Casey suggested graduating me, and to my surprise I agreed. I’d come a long way, and though still scarred, I was whole.
Now I’m a full-time student at the University of Phoenix online, and volunteer from time to time with Casey’s organization. I tell my story, working to get the word out that violence can happen to anyone, anytime…and that it is possible to heal. I figure that if my story can help a single person, it was worth the price. Finally, I can say with confidence that I am not longer a victim, but a victor.
I am very proud of you. I guess I can say I am a survivor of sorts. I still don’t care much for intercourse, but luckily I have a very understanding man. I am glad to hear you received counseling, it does help.
I am so amazed that you were able to work through all of that trauma and be in a position to move on in your life, having put that behind you. I think that you summed it up when you said that you are no longer a victim but a victor. I am so inspired by your story and I think that others will be, too. It helps to know that someone has been able to overcome such abuse as you have. That is awesome!
I’m glad I was able to share it with you, Barbara. The way I see it, I was given a voice and way with words for a reason; part of that is to use those words to help others heal.
You definitely had a very traumatic childhood. It’s amazing that you made it through ~ and that you are working so hard to do things for yourself. Sounds like you had a very good therapist who knew just how far to push you when she needed to. Even though it was hard to make it at times. I’m sure it helps you to help others. Your story is helping more people than you know. Thanks so much for sharing here! You are one strong survivor!!
Thank you, for your words, Mandi. Yes it was horribly hard, and yes, I think it’s worth it every time I use my experiences to help someone else.
I am 12 years old. I am living the life I have always dreamed of, being home schooled gives me the opportunities I never thought possible. Now, I left middle school because of my indifference to those sassy 13 year olds That think they can do whatever they want. No I don’t think I am a dragon warrior, I am actually quite normal. but too diferent.
How nice for you to write here and let us know that you have the life that you want at 12. You seem very mature for your age and that may very well be why you feel that you are too different from others your age. You truly are an inspiration for others. Thank you for sharing.
Thanks so much for sharing! I homeschooled my daughter when she was in the 8th grade. It was the best year for her because she didn’t have to put up with all the drama in school. She was very different than other kids ~ but in a good way. I didn’t want her self esteem to suffer because other kids were rude. Sounds like staying home is the best thing for you and I’m glad that it is giving you the life that you have dreamed of. Keep doing things that make YOU happy!
I read every ones stories on here and think how courageous. I feel sometimes what I went through has kept me from living a full life. As a child I was molested by my maternal grandfather. It went on for almost seven years before it stopped. I spent most of my life hating that man. I didn’t visit him much when I got older. Then when he was stricken with lung cancer, I was actually saddened. No one deserves to suffer. No One. I watched him deteriorate day by day. The on his final day, I literally watched him take his last breath. I felt this huge relief off my shoulders.
I was never allowed to talk about it. It was swept under the carpet and never mentioned again. Lucky for me I was with a great man, whom I confided everything to after our relationship became very strained due to the lack of my interest in sexual relations. He made me tell my mother. At first I thought she would hold me and tell me she was sorry, but instead it was as if I had done something wrong. She told me never to mention it to anyone. That made me feel even more dirty than I had already felt. With the help of my spouse, I was able to go on. I later found out I was not the only one it had happened to. Other females in my family were also abused.
To this day I still resent him for what happened to me. But in the same sense I feel sorry for him. He had to be sick to do these things. I still have nightmares today. But I know it was not my fault, and he can no longer hurt me.
If this has happened to you, always remember, It is Not Your Fault.
Thank you so very much for sharing. I hope that from having read other people’s stories, you have come to realize how courageous you really are to have confronted your mother, to have been able to tell your story, to have been able to forgive your grandfather and to finally understand that none of it was your fault. I am hoping that because you have shared your story, you will inspire at least one other person who has experienced the same thing to understand that they too can overcome as you have.
Thanks so much for sharing your story. I can relate to your story. I think it was very brave of you to tell your mom. I have never told mine and it scares me to tell her. I feel like she would react like your mom did, and that would be damaging. The way your mom acted was totally wrong. You were brave though. I’m glad you have such a loving husband who helped you through all of that pain. You are right ~ it is not your fault. And he may have been sick to do such horrible things ~ but it doesn’t make it OK. I can also relate to how you feel sorry for him. I feel sorry for two of my perps as well. It feels weird to feel sorry for them when they hurt us. But I understand that. Believing that it’s not my fault is the hardest thing ever! Did you happen to catch the Oprah show on Monday? She was interviewing child molesters. If you didn’t catch it, she has all of the 2 hours online to watch. Actually, I like the online version even more. Because that gives more of the story than the actualy show. It is really helping me to understand more that it’s not my fault. And it is also giving me some answers as to WHY it might have happened to me. So I highly recommend watching it. Thanks again for being brave enough to share your story.