The Shame of Domestic Abuse

October 25, 2009 by Barbara Jacoby
Filed under Creating Happiness, Domestic Abuse

bigstockphoto Injured Woman Hiding In Dark 6244518 300x200 The Shame of Domestic Abuse I was recently reading an article about Mary Murphy, one of the judges on the show, “So You Think You Can Dance”, about her experiences as a domestic abuse survivor following a 9-year marriage. One of the recurring themes in such stories is connected to the shame that a woman or man feels when they are in an abusive situation and I know from my own personal experience what that is like.

The shame appears in many different forms. For me, I felt that I was a fairly well-educated person who should have been smart enough never to have gotten into such a relationship in the first place. But, it didn’t take long for me to understand that when you love someone, so many things that you would normally see were the situation being viewed from the outside are never even noticed when you are in the middle of it. After all, here was this attractive guy who was interested in me and who thought that I was someone special. Wow, no one else has ever seen me in that way and how could I not love this? And when he wanted to marry me and spend the rest of his life with me, I felt like the most fortunate person in the world.

For Mary, the abuse began 3 months into the marriage. For me, it was 4 months. For her, she initially tried to fight back but it took only being hit for the first time that I learned that would never be a good idea. I quickly realized that any challenge would bring additional consequences and if I did as I was told, things would be a lot easier for me. Of course, that didn’t mean that everything went smoothly from there. There were always the times when I was attacked and would find myself with a loaded gun in my face just because he believed in his less than sober state that I had done something wrong or that I was thinking the wrong thoughts. It didn’t take long to figure out that he was the one who was cheating on me and that he felt that if he came home and went on the offensive by attacking me, he would never have to deal with any of the consequences for his bad behavior. He was right and in fact, I began to pray that he would find someone else and just leave me for her but no such luck.

The other part of the shame results in the silence that comes with these situations. For me, my in-laws knew what was going on. The only thing that my father-in-law ever said was had he known that we were planning to get married (we eloped), he would have tried to talk me out of doing so. But, my mother-in-law thought that the sun rose and set on her only child and she blamed me for any and all problems that were occurring in the marriage. And I believed her. Therefore, I couldn’t tell anyone about the failure that I was and I had to find a way to fix everything. After all, when you are still young and in your 20’s, you believe those adults who are older and more experienced.

It took me 10 years to finally leave even though I was promised that I would be hunted down and killed if I ever did so. After I left, I learned that everyone knew what was going on but no one said a word. Actually, I was grateful that they hadn’t because it may have made my life even harder within that marriage had anyone tried to intercede on my behalf. And if someone had stepped in and been injured or worse, as a result, I would have lived with the guilt forever.

With time and talking to others, the shame has gone away. I have learned that had I chosen to do so, I could have found a friend in whom I could have safely confided. I could have found a way to safely get away and I could have found the resources that would have allowed me to make a new start. And for anyone reading this blog, you can, too. There are many, many of us out here who have traveled the road on which you currently find yourself. We know that there is no reason to be ashamed about the place in which you find yourself. And we want you to know that there is help available. If you can’t or don’t want to turn to your family and/or friends, you may want to contact the organization, Safe Horizon, at the email address shown here: http://www.safehorizon.org/. Help is available if you choose it. And you have absolutely nothing for which to feel any shame. You have not done anything wrong.

I always love your comments.

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Tags: domestic abuse, domestic violence help, Mary Murphy, Mary Murphy book, Mary Murphy domestic abuse, safehorizon.org, So You Think You Can Dance

Anastasia

I finally left my abuser after 18 months together. I was recently diagnosed with PTSD. I suffered a lot of trauma when I was with him. I am in Group counseling at a domestic violence shelter. I have to say without this shelter I may not have had the wherewithal to leave this dangerous relationship. I also started individual counseling this week with a trauma specialist.

My shame comes from his lies revolving around why the abuse happened. I come from an abusive family. My family now is non existent. I shared everything with him when I first met him. He vomited my words back to me as weapons of control. Although my Father is dead now the words my ex-boyfriend spoke sounded so familiar. I bought into his lies. I believed I caused his abuse which included many felony acts of violence. He destroyed my property. He kidnapped me. He not only minimized and lied about what happened between us somehow I was also to blame for it all. He came “clean” at Christmas time promising counseling admitting to the abuse. Then, within months we were back in the same patterns again.

I know in my mind that NOTHING I did caused his abuse. I know this is not the truth. He has a past history of violence including felony convictions involving his second wife, kidnapping and threats to murder her children. When I finally left him I realized that where there is smoke there is fire. Everything I knew about his past violence was now not minimized in my mind. I have anger and shame. Anger towards him lying about everything until the end and shame that I would continually buy into his crap.

I know in my mind I did nothing to cause it all but another part of me still feels that because I am “flawed” I had it coming. When I left him he said to me “Thank you for teaching me how to avoid people like you without having violence.”

I am ashamed as well to admit that I miss him. But I know now that I am finally free. After trying to leave him so many times this time is different. I have had two days of peace and quiet. Finally.

Leaving this abusive relationship was so messy. It was not like any other break ups. I had to again threaten to call his probation officer when he stalked me. I had to walk away from my “project”. I failed. I failed to change the man I loved.

I am numb. I am devastated. I am free.

- Ana
- http://LetLifeHappen.com Barbara Jacoby
  
  Thank you so very much for sharing your story. You are such an inspiration to everyone whether you realize it or not. A failure??? Absolutely, positively not. You are anything but a failure. You had the strength and the courage to leave. And what is wrong about missing him? He is the one person who has played the biggest part in your life for the last 18 months. We all believe the things that we are taught as a child including what value/worth we have. We believe those who tell us how awful and bad we are, especially if that is what we believe about ourselves. And I felt the same way as you did with regard to my ex. I believed that there was something that I could do to change him. I knew there had to be a way for him to see things differently. And I truly believed that all of my love would be enough! It never was and never would have been because it is absolutely impossible to change someone else. Each of us has the ability to change ourselves and then only if we choose to do so. It took me 10 years to understand that before I was able to leave.
  
  I was not able to walk away sooner because I had to first, fall out of love, and second, not feel sorry for him. I would ask myself how I could walk out on someone who had no job and no ability to keep up a life by himself. I had to walk away knowing that I had done everything that I could and never turn back. And even then, long after all of the physical abuse had ceased, the words ringing in my mind did not stop. I acted and reacted to what others did and said on an unconscious basis long after I came to grips with the knowledge and realization that what I believed from that abuse was not the truth. It still rears its ugly head to this day but the best part is that its effects do not last as long as they did in the past.
  
  I tell you all of this because it is not only your experience but my experience and the experience of millions of others who have been abused as we have. I am so very thankful that you have shelter and the help that you need. I didn’t have that so I know how important it can be. And I will hope that all of your future “projects” have absolutely nothing to do with trying to change another human being. As the time passes with the peace that you are experiencing, the numbness and devastation will be replaced with gratitude for a life that is filled with wonderful and loving people who will appreciate you for all of the positive things that you bring to this world. And if and when you feel like writing, please do so. Whether you write to me or for yourself, it is one of the very best things that you can do for yourself to put things into perspective.
CONCERNED SISTER

I am writing not because ive been through it myself but because my sister is going through this now. I along with the rest of my family are worried about her and her children. Ive never seen any of the abuse myself but she tells us what goes on. He has hit her while she was pregnant. He also forced himself on her one day. He has torn her clothing off her. I dont understand what makes her stay with him. Her life and the life of my niece and her unborn child are to precious to lose.
- http://LetLifeHappen.com Barbara Jacoby
  
  Have you asked her if she would like your help in getting out of the relationship? If you have and she refused, there is absolutely nothing that you can do until she is ready to leave. If you haven’t, ask her, and if she says yes, then the rest of you can unite and help her out. There is strength in numbers and help available. I hope with all of my heart that she will make the choice to leave. With her telling you what is occurring, that just may be her way of asking for that help. Lots of prayers to all of you!
http://www.myspace.com/imperviousstrife.com Jenny Miller

Hi. I am 37 years old. I am a single mom of six great kids. I got divorced in 2005 from my children’s father. Not too long after I met a guy. He was gorgeous, built like a greek god. He was great with my me and my kids. It was wonderful. I was never the type to really go out. One night my girlfriend from work had a really bad day, so me and another one of my coworkers decided to take her out to a bar in town and hear a live band. He was fine. I strolled in at closing and he was asleep on the couch. I went up to bed. The next thing I know, I got pulled out of bed by my hair and was being screamed out. The pain in my head mixed with the many drinks that I had consumed made it very difficult to comprehend what was happening. My children were at my Dad’s for the weekend. I ran into my daughters room and he chased me. He through me on the bed, dislocating my elbow on the mirror of her bureau. He held me down for about 45 minutes screaming at me. What did you do? Tell me what you did etc. Eventually he wore himself out and went to bed. The next day, there were mant promises of therapy and the like and of course I took him back. This was not the first time this had happened. He was extremely jealous. He had already flipped a kitchen table over that happened to be covered in left overs. He then picked me up and slammed my head into the wall repeadetly until his cousin (my saviour many times) pulled him off me. One time I slapped in the shoulder with a rolled up newspaper, just in fun, and he knocked me off every wall in the livingroom and spit in my face. The end was when my grandmother was taken to the hospital, we had been arguing all morning. On the way home from the ER to get her some things, I had forgotten to turn the blinker off in the car. He jumped out screaming like a wild man and picked up a 3 or 4 foot tree log about a foot and a half in diameter and tried to through it my car window. Luckily, we was about 2 inches under my open window. We were about two blocks from home at this point. He started running toward the house. I tried to drive as fast as I could to get there before he did. I pulled in the yard and yelled to my daughter to run in and lock the door. He screamed don’t listen to her, she’s trying to kill me. Her being a sweet 13 year old froze. We got into the house and I kept telling him to leave. He just kept telling the girls over and over again. I begged him and begged him to be quiet. He even convinced my daughter to call the cops on me for trying to kill him. He had already bounced me off the upstairs hallway wall so hard that the wall crubled down to the slats. I snapped. I ran and got my aluminum bat and chased him with him.I swung and got him on the shoulder. I was aimming for his head. Well, the girls saw this and were convinced that I was trying to kill him, so they started grabbin at me, trying to hold me back. My daughters boyfriend grabbed the bat. The cops showed up at this point. They seperated us and in the end, they told him he had one hour to get his stuff out. No charges were filed. The next day I filed for my PFA with Women in Crisis. I got immediate protection for me and the kids and he was evicted. When we went to court I sued him for the damages to the house and car. It was a whopping $400. We didn’t even had to go in front of the judge. He signed and agreed to everything completely conviced that I would take him back. Not this time. It’s five months later. I am in college going for my Psychology degree. I have a new boyfriend. He is my hero. He is very gentle. He is a fireman and a little league softball coach. He has pulled me out of debt and repaired the damages to my house. Most of all he has repaired my heart and retaught me that love doesn’t hurt. No screaming, no throwing this, no accusations. I have my girlfriends, and we do all sorts of silly girl stuff. He just smiles and looks at me with his big blue eyes and he thinks I’m beautiful. My kids are happy and relaxed and peaceful. Life is good!!!!!
- http://LetLifeHappen.com Barbara Jacoby
  
  Thank you so very much for sharing your story with all of us. It is so wonderful that you and your children were able to get out of that situation and to go on and make a new life for all of you. There are others who will read your story and it will give them hope and courage to make a better life for themselves. I am sure glad to hear that you have found someone who treats you the way you deserve to be treated.
Bo

I hate the question: “Why didn’t you leave?” They have no idea. There is brainwashing that comes with the abuse. I married a charming Navy guy. He held the door open for me, bought me flowers, took me out in public. He even saved my life – literally (I used to be anorexic and died and he performed CPR and brought me back). The first 6 months were bliss. The last 12 and half years were not. In the beginning, he was out on a cruise with the Navy. As soon as he got home, it all changed. It started with just yelling and screaming in my face and spitting. Then it escalated to hitting and bruises. Along with that, it led to things so humiliating that you could not possibly imagine a husband can do to a wife that I am still shameful to this day and only 2 people in the whole world know about it (and my therapist still does not know). Then I got pregnant. That was 9 months of nothing but treating me like he used to before we were married. When the baby was born, it was back to the abuse. It even got to the point of holding me and our baby at gunpoint. There’s nothing scarier then staring down the barrel of a loaded weapon. It still makes me quake to this day. I cannot stand guns. Neither can my daughter. I think her subconcious knows what happened but because she was so young she doesn’t remember and I am so very grateful for that. I don’t say “Thank God” because I have no faith right now. It’s lost for other reasons which is a whole other story I suppose. There were two restraining orders and I yet I went back both times. Convinced he would do counseling. Convinced that we could work it out. I tried to leave many, many times but went back after however long it took to walk a mile down the road and back. It took a year and a half of deprogramming to convince me that it wasn’t me. That it was him. He had me convinced I was no good. That I wasn’t able to take care of myself. That nobody would ever love me. That I wasn’t pretty (and I’m still really debating that one because I am inclined to believe him). I rose above it for a time but every time something traumatic happens, I revert back. I go up the hill and slide back down. Which is where I’m at right now. I don’t feel shame for the abuse he put me through. I do feel shame however for some of the things that he forced upon me. I find it difficult to speak about that part of my life. The only reason I got out was because he had an affair and threw us out on our own with no money, no job, no nothing. I built me and my daugther back up from scratch. It wasn’t easy. But I did it. For her. And what people don’t realize is that because we’ve been put through that kind of trauma that little things can make us sensitive. I overreact sometimes and get so sad that I can’t get out of my funk. And now my daughter is a teenager and putting me through all sorts of stuff and I’m seeing behaviors that were her father’s and that scares me to death that I’ve raised a female version of him even though he was not around to influence her. I question if it’s in the blood. But I’m a survivor. Even if I went a bit backwards for the time being and can’t seem to get out of the current eddy I’m in. I will never be a victim again. Never again will I allow that to happen. I’ve learned the warning signs and I in fact ended a relationship many many years ago because of the signs I learned. Even thought it’s been nearly 13 years since the separation and divorce, I still sometimes have doubts about myself but it’s only because of other incidents that pop up that remind me. I don’t know if I’m the only one who reverts back when something awful slams down in front of me or if I’m alone in that, but eventually I do come back around and stand up once again. Thanks for letting me share my story. To the survivors out there, you rock. You made it. You are out of it. For those still stuck in it, there are places you can go and people who can help you. You are not alone. You never have been.
- http://LetLifeHappen.com Barbara Jacoby
  
  All I have to do is read your story and I start remembering things that were long ago forgotten. I don’t think any of us ever get to the point where we don’t have things that bring to mind those times from the past, especially ones that are as traumatic as you describe. I will never forget either what it is like to stare down the barrel of a gun. And for all of the physical abuse that happened, I don’t remember that nearly as strongly or often as I remember all of the verbal abuse and all of the things that I was told about myself that I believed. And although on one level I understand what was said and why, I can’t wipe them away for good and I do find myself questioning myself quite often. Thank you so much for sharing here. Your story is my story in many respects and the story of so many others and the more that we share, the more we understand that we are not alone and that we have each other to help us along on our individual paths.
IMAGINE

I learned, you don’t know something until you KNOW it. That helped me not feel ashamed for being in an abusive marriage.
I didn’t know it was considered d.v. if there was no physical abuse. There was almost constant verbal, mental, emotional & financial abuse. (Including Gaslighting.) I learned otherwise from the lady who lived across the street. She started the women’s & children’s shelter in our county. It only took one look at the abuse wheel to see it clearly.
The difference was, I never believed him. I just couldn’t figure out what was wrong with him. Why had he worked so hard to get someone he didn’t want? That seemed so odd. Because he did everything that could ONLY lead to a divorce.
He wasn’t overtly controlling. But did things behind the scenes to accomplish the same end.
I don’t believe anyone in that situation, or anyone having been in that situation has failed. I think it was a learning experience.
And one thing I learned is pay attention to your dreams! If you hear someone say something, or read something in a dream, PAY ATTENTION TO IT!!! If you’re being held captive, or in any way being harmed in the dream, know you’re getting valuable info. A warning! I had kept a dream journal. And saw that I had been warned not long after I met him.
I hope this helps someone.
LOVE DOESN’T HURT!!!
- http://LetLifeHappen.com Barbara Jacoby
  
  I have never heard anyone speak from your perspective and you have really provided some real food for thought here. I don’t remember if I had any warnings from my dreams because all of this happened a long time ago. But the one thing that I have discovered as did you that this was truly a learning experience. My only regret is that it took me so long to actually learn. However, in retrospect, I do know that there were two reasons why I stayed as long as I did. One was that I truly believed that I could find a way to fix things and two, I could not get past feeling guilty about walking out on someone who had no job and no money. Thank you so much for your very enlightening commentary.
http://www.youthvoiceinitiative.org Lika Saliscente

Powerful story. Yet it rings so true of so many situations. We think it would never happen to us, and we think we should be forever too smart… but the fact is, abusers are also controlling and darn good manipulators, and often by the time we realize how dangerous it is, they have our lives to threaten, to keep victims quiet…

I am so very glad that you’re out of the situation, and that you’re safe and strong. Keep up the good work.
- http://LetLifeHappen.com Barbara Jacoby
  
  You are absolutely correct. I feel very fortunate to have gotten out with my life. And I am most grateful for every day that I am given and I know that from the day that I left, I would never have a “bad” day in my life.
http://myspace.com/hotreanbean Rina Kennedy

I read her story in US magazine, and I found my self remembering what it was like being with my ex husband. It also made me so thankful that I got out of my abusive relationship only 6 years into it. For me the abuse started only four months into us dating, ( we were already living together ). And I still choose to marry him hoping that I could some how fix him or change him. I was only 18, and didn’t know any better. I ended up with three kids in three years. I suffered daily at his hands and with his words. My ex never said that he would kill me but reminded me daily that if I was ever to leave he would take the kids away from me, and/or kill himself. He would also say things like “I won’t hit you again but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t put you through a window.” His vice wasn’t a gun but a knife which he liked to play around with and tell me story’s about how he used to kill with it. He used to say that I was bi polar, ugly, stupid, retarded, among other words and that no one would ever want me or want to love me. He was convinced that I was cheating on him and would go so far as to order me to get undressed, hand over my phone and purse, so he could see my body, look at who I had been talking too, or if I had something in my purse every time that I came home from anywhere. The physical abuse started right after we moved together as well, he was always careful to make sure the bruises weren’t showing, and if I said anything to anyone he would turn on the charm and say that I was crazy, or making it up. No one ever believed me including the police. The only time they were ever able to even arrested him was when he hit me across the face, and left me with two black eyes, a split lip, a cracked tooth, and hand marks on my neck from where he tried to choke me. It has been two years since we divorced, and the verbal abuse I suffered from my ex husband still has a effect on my daily life, the physical abuse for me was the easy part to get over. There is a saying that bruises may fade but a harsh word remains forever. And it is very true, to this day I still struggle with the words, I don’t think there is anyway to get over that other than staying strong for yourself and/or your children and to not let your bad days keep you sad, but to move forward no matter how hard it is, to let yourself cry, and to talk about it.
- http://LetLifeHappen.com Barbara Jacoby
  
  I can’t thank you enough for sharing your story here. You have reminded me of several things that I have managed to forget over the years. I can completely understand how you got into your situation as you were really very young when it started. And here again, there is an element that I had forgotten with all of the verbal abuse. I too, received the bruises in places that were not visible, mostly to my head and sometimes to my jaw. For years, my jaw used to pop out of joint but I don’t seem to have that problem anymore. But where the physical scars are pretty much forgotten, I do remember the verbal abuse and while I know that all of the things that he said weren’t true, they do still influence my actions and reactions all of these years later. I do appreciate your talking about that as I am trying to work my way through all of the past issues and this is one that I had forgotten to even consider. And your strength and courage to make it through with 3 children to consider also makes you a real hero in my book. I know that what you have shared here will help others who are trying to find a way out also and with the help and encouragement of your story, others may have just moved one step closer. I am so glad that you made it out. And I must say that you knowledge and understanding of what happened and why shows a true wisdom that is so far beyond your chronological age. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
http://www.myspace.com/captivating_woman,www.twitter.com/QueenManuela,www.facebook.com/QueenManuela Manuela Cruz Hauser

My story starts with my first marriage to a law enforcement officer. We had been married for 33 days when he didn’t come home after his shift was over by about 6 hours. Being the daughter of a law enforcement officer, I understood the responsibility of being married into that way of life. The moment he stepped through the door, I ran into his arms and immediately smelled alcohol on him, so I asked him what had happened to make him come home late… I found myself picking myself off the floor after that. He was crouched, screaming at me that I was never to question him or his authority again. My face was hurting so terribly from the trauma of him back handing me across the face. I tried telling him that I was worried that he had been hurt on the job and he laughed and said it wasn’t my business. That he didn’t have to report to me. He then left me lying there on the floor and went to bed as if nothing happened. It was hard to believe that the man I loved and married, who wears a badge and gun, would hit me but I also understood that his co-workers would take his side if I called 911 for help. I had no where to run. For the next two years, no one said a thing. No one offered to help. I had no safe place to go too for any type of help. He would just collect me at the local domestic violence shelter the next day. So I started running to near by states but he would get there too. It took nearly two years of planning to get away from him. I thank God everyday that I got away because I have reason to believe he would of killed me eventually. He was drinking the whole time he was abusing me and then the next day he would apologize, blame stress from the job and say it would stop. He lied. He controlled everything. The money, the mileage on my truck, when I could speak to my family, how long I could be at the grocery store, and what I did every day. I was in a constant state of terror. To this day, I will never understand why anyone would hurt another human being. I consider myself not a victim, not a survivor, but an overcomer of domestic violence.
- http://LetLifeHappen.com Barbara Jacoby
  
  Thank you so very much for sharing your story here. The control that you have talked about is something with which I can totally relate. I remember also having been controlled to an excessive degree and how I had a deadline by which I was expected to be home from work. I could only be late if I had stopped at the grocery store and then the groceries were my alibi. I also know of others like you who were married to policemen and there was no way in the world that they would ever be able to receive help from the law. I really understand how hard it must have been to keep leaving only to be dragged back regardless of what you wanted. I understand your belief about ultimately being killed because he was drinking the whole time as I was in that same situation. I am so very happy that you were eventually able to get out of that situation and I know that by sharing your story, you will have helped at least one person to take the first step to get out. You are a true inspiration and I agree that we are not survivors but overcomers.
Mandi

Thanks so much for sharing your story, along with Mary Murphy’s story. I know that after you make it THROUGH that kind of relationship, it’s easier to see what you could have done. I hear people say that they would NEVER let that kind of abuse happen to them. How can they say that if they’ve never walked in your shoes? It’s easy to say if you’ve never been put in that position. It could happen to any of us. All for the sake of feeling loved. My situation was a little different because I was raised in an abusive home. And my first boyfriend at 14 was abusive. For me he became abusive after a month. I really related to Mary’s story because the same thing happened to me. He treated me like a queen. He gave me compliments constantly. He was always with me and always wanted to be with me when he couldn’t. I felt so loved. More than ever before. I NEEDED that love. I was missing it in my own life and it felt good to receive. After the first time he raped me, he left me alone. Then acted like nothing happened at all. We never talked about it. But he did bring me a necklace and a love letter. He showered me with gifts for a while and made me feel special again until the next time. He was also very controlling and wouldn’t let me have friends or even talk to boys. He controlled what I wore as well. We dated for a year before he broke up with me. Looking at it now, it was such a sick relationship. I know that people must have noticed how he was acting. We were in the same History class together and I know the teacher noticed what he was doing. But she seemed to favor my ex boyfriend. Even my mom mentioned that he was too controlling ~ but this was a few years ago. Not at the time. I thought ~ how could she have known and not protected me? If this boy hadn’t broken up with me, I would have stayed with him forever and married him. I thought it was love. I still feel like nobody has ever “loved” me that much in my life. Although I realize it was a sick love, he made me feel so special. I crave that in my life. We all want to be treated with love and respect. My shame came from my feelings of having “sex” with my boyfriend. Even though it was never consensual ~ I thought it was part of the relationship. I had a lot of shame about that. I felt horrible and dirty. I really didn’t even realize it was “date rape” until I was a grown up with kids of my own. And I worked through it even more in therapy when I finally decided to work on my past. I see the signs so easily in others now. When my daughter was 14, she was dating a boy who was very similar to my ex. I kept her close and never let them be alone. I grounded her a lot as well. Turns out, she felt uncomfortable with him as well. And she was getting grounded on purpose so she couldn’t be with him. But she also felt loved by him. So it’s a double edge sword. I’m glad that I was able to see the warning signs. Had I not gone through what I went through, I might not have noticed the signs in my daughter’s relationship. It is a hard relationship to find yourself in. But they threaten you because they want to control you and keep you there. Please find somebody to tell. A preacher, the website above, women’s shelter, a friend or even family. Somebody will help you. It is hard to do, but it is possible. Do whatever it takes because that feeling of love you feel is NOT real. Love doesn’t hurt.
- http://LetLifeHappen.com Barbara Jacoby
  
  Thank YOU for sharing that portion of your story. So many of us have been down the “abuse” road and even though there are different faces in the way abuse appears, they are all so awful. I am so glad that you were able to get out of your situation and also able to protect your daughter. Your sharing here, Mandi, is so very helpful to all and really appreciated. I truly do believe that we are all here to help each other.