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What I Have Today Could Be Gone Tomorrow

October 4, 2009 by  
Filed under Creating Happiness

12 Comments

Earlier this week, I watched some of the coverage of the devastation from the earthquakes and tsunamis in the regions of Indonesia and those sights were totally surreal.  I watched local coverage of those people who lost family and friends in those parts of the world and couldn’t begin to imagine what they were feeling.  And then my mind wandered to thoughts of how everything can be changed forever in a single moment and how fragile life really is.

Many turned away from the news stories and buried themselves in other programming but I don’t really think that it is because they didn’t care or weren’t concerned because it didn’t happen in their areas.  I think that it was because they didn’t want to confront the reality of the devastation, the loss of so many lives, the extent of injuries and the photos of all of the people who did survive who were left without homes and food and water and had no idea of how they could possibly keep going.  And then I couldn’t help but wonder, what if something like that had happened to me today?

I know how truly fortunate I am.  I know that the most important thing in my life has always been and will always be other people.  I have the best husband in the world and I absolutely treasure the person that he is and the love and caring that he gives to me every single day.  I have only a few family members left and they live on the other side of the country but I know that they are always there for us and that is something that money can’t buy.  I have wonderful friends and co-workers and we all look out for one another.  All of that means more to me than I could ever express.  And that is when I realized that if something like a devastating earthquake happened in my area today, as long as my husband and our families and friends all made it through, we would be just fine.

The reason I know that is that I have seen the power of people united before.  I have seen people gather and help one another at times of crisis.  No, I am not naïve enough to believe that everyone is that way.  I have seen the other side of humanity at times like the Los Angeles riots in the early 90′s.  But, even at that time when I was living alone, I did have three other friends who had joined me in my home and we all hung in there together until the immediate dangers had past and it was once again safe to leave the area.  And when we left, one of those friends took me to his family’s home where I stayed until it was safe to return to my own place.

It was in that moment when I realized that should some major event occur in my area, I really had nothing to fear.  As has happened in the past, I would once again be surrounded by people who would all help each other, those who quite often put the safety of others ahead of their own, those who have compassion and caring to soothe those who are frightened and those who would contribute everything they have to the good of everyone around them.  After all, I truly believe that this is the nature of most human beings and in times of crisis, everyone helps everyone else in whatever manner they can.

I would love your comments.

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  • Cindy

    What i have today could be gone tomorrow!!!! well i know what it feels like one morning coming home from work after working the graveyard shift it was going to be a good day for me i got a offer at a job that was going to put me back on my feet an be able to get back into my own place again i was staying with my niece an her husband. i remember that day it was 12 degrees outside so it was too early to go apply for the job so i went on my computer to waste sometime but i was getting really tired i knew i could go the next day so thats what i decided to do! so i went to my room an went to sleep an then i was waken by my niece she said get up the house is on fire!!!! i was in a daze i was like noway this is a nightmare she went for the stairs i followed we were on the landing after going down the first flight an i then was gasping for air i told her very loud lets go we have to get out the window i covered my nose an mouth an started running an my mind is blank all i remember is being on the roof i said amanda where are u she didnt respond i screamed for her i was hanging on the gutter i screamed for help somebody please get my niece out shes pregnet i was still holding on an screaming for her i couldnt hold on an i couldnt get back up so i let myself fall when i hit the ground there went my life an what was the most horrifying day i was screaming for someone to get my niece out an now i was feeling the most horrific pain i have ever felt in my life but i was still thinking about my niece an trying to get someone to help an rememberd that the fire station was accross the street but no one came i was on the ground for close to an hr before they took me away they said they got my niece out we were sent to different hospitals i went thru 4 major surgerys in less then 24 hrs after i kept asking about my niece they said we dont know when they took out the ventilator i asked my family they said she was ok an the baby was ok then on the 5th day i asked again but i wasent getting no information then my sister told me that she died the same day of the fire i didnt want to live an till this day i dont want to live family is very inportant to me i have allways been there for my family but part of my family dont have the same veiws as i did i spent the next 4 1/2 months between the hospital an a nursing home an being told im lucky to have lived im not lucky because i was treated so bad because i was unable to do anything for myself an being alone i felt i was in jail an being torcherd by the same people who was suppose to help you when i was able to get in a wheelchair i got on a computer an opened emails from members of my family that were hate mail because they think i left my niece in that house to die i even was sent the my nieces baby picture dead and i read replys on here about how family is inportant to people an how close they are i wonder how familys are close when only one person in the family feels that way an at the same time i dont have family that gives 2 cents about me i would have gave anything to be the one who died that day instead of my niece after being released from the nursing home someone i met there offered a place for me to stay an i found out my nieces husband never shed one tear for his wife an has no pics of his wife on his myspace like she never exsisted i will live with this the rest of my life i pray no one will ever have to go thru what i did because of someone you couldnt save:(

    • http://LetLifeHappen.com Barbara Jacoby

      Dear God, I can’t even begin to find the words to express how horrible I feel about what you have been through and how you have been treated. I can’t imagine that your family members wouldn’t be thankful that you were chosen by God to live and that they didn’t realize that what happened to your niece was not in your control. What you are feeling is not unusual. Have you ever heard about there being an airplane crash and only one person survived? That one person feels guilty that everyone else died and they didn’t. It is the same thing with you. You have endured incredible pain and suffering, both physically and mentally to become a survivor. And in my book, anyone who has overcome everything that you have is nothing short of one incredible person. You are a true inspiration to anyone who has ever had to battle and overcome not only a horrific loss but also to do so while struggling through your own recovery. And on top of that, the fact that your family was not there for you is just unbelievable. Please don’t blame yourself for something that you couldn’t change. Just know in your heart that God must have a very special plan for you. And just because people are family by blood or marriage doesn’t mean that they are family in their hearts. You will find other people who will be more of your family like the person who offered you a place to stay when you left the nursing home and they will be the family that you choose to love and make a part of your life. I am sending out tons of prayers for you and wishing for every blessing to come your way. You deserve it and so much more.

    • cindy

      barbara thank you!!! you are too kind you are right i have guilt of surviving and wished my niece had lived! she had a baby girl on the way which she didnt know, she was going to find out that same week she also had a little boy who was at school just behind the house where his mom took him that noon an knowing that she wasent there to pick him up we were taken away around the time she was suppose to pick him up he was very close to her he had said that he wished he was in the fire with her i go over an over in my head why didnt i do this or that she was suppose to be following me but i never turned around to check an why didnt i an now a child is without his mother because of me how i cope i have no clue other then all the drugs im taking from pain to syco an 3 different meds to just sleep because i cant sleep the last time i went to sleep without meds was March 2,2009 the day i will never forget i still till now see the house an my niece she saved my life by waking me an she died she knew i wouldnt wake up i was a dead sleeper an if i had known this but i didnt i never checked there were no smoke detectors in the home i found this out on he news website because this was news for an intire week the website to see this story google parma heights fire my nieces name is amanda wesner all the news coverage is there news 5 was filming while i was in the backyard on the ground screaming but u wont hear me they cut it out theres 2 fire rescue trucks there an there is a girdy in front of the home they already had my niece in the one truck an just siting there when they put me on a backboard they werent holding me right an my head an leggs fell to the left hanging by a belt across my lap when i broke everything on the right i begged for someone to take the pain away the only thing i knew was wrong with me when i landed i felt my back compress an break an i thought my legg was dislocated nothing else i was banging my arms on the ground to try an stop the pain which to find out later that my heel of my foot was crushed an i had broken my hip,femur,pelvis,an also my back and my radius in my arm was broken in 3 places they didnt do the surgery on my foot untill the second week which they were saying they may not save it after 4 months the doc told me my hip was crushed because i told them my leg was shorter then the other an they kept saying no it wasent when i saw the exray of my hip i took a pic of it with my cell theres a big piece of my hip is missing an i have only 2 screws holding the hip an femur together an a plate down the side of the leg so im in a wheelchair i had no insurance so they just scraped me back together the staff in the hospital it was time to be cleaned they put a plastic container with water next to me an thru a rag at me an said clean yourself in almost a month i got washed up when they brought someone in training they were the only one nice to me my hair was in nots i called a friend because she never came down it was odd she told me she was told by my family she was not aloud to see me she lives far she came down an brought me a pair of sweat pants an a top an her tennis shoes which i could only wear one, an she had a beauty parlor in the place wash my hair an get the nots out after that it wasent untill i was in the nursing home an when i was able to wash myself no one washed me there either they dont care they only was there for a check an the people layed off an no job would have given anything to take there place so i just got so angry that i started telling on them it wasent for the most part the aids it was the rns nurses it is horriable to not be able to do anything for yourself an yet be treated this way maybe i did make some changes before i left there so that it wouldnt continue with other people i would die first before i would go back to any of them but i have learned alot about nursing homes when someone says this one is good or another is better there not unless your in there 24/7 but i had no family to defend me so i had to do it myself i would half to wear a back brace when sitting up above 40 degrees or in wheelchair no one half the time would put it on me so one day i came out an had another person living there help me put it on an doc sees me without it an tells the head nurse there was 4 aids an 3 nurses she was angry i said to her im not going to beg no more for anything they were mad that i was getting them in trouble so they told my doc that i was saying i was going to kill myself trying to get me out of there it almost worked but i told my doc they are lieing an he believed me i guess i went on to much here theres so much more to say but its time to stop i will end with this my sister the mother of my niece said i was selfish an that i only cared about myself if u get to see the news footage u will hear the caller on the 911 tapes about a woman yelling for her niece to help her she is pregnet i never once asked for any help to get me from falling off the gutter people saw me but i never asked about me all i could think of is amanda if i had asked for help i wouldnt be in the shape im today there was a latter in the garage an it was opened an in between my pain i screamed for her i didnt stop screaming for her untill they said she was out.thanks again barbara for just listening maybe just one person will understand take care

      • http://LetLifeHappen.com Barbara Jacoby

        Thank you for writing and sharing your story here. I understand your wish that your niece would have survived and you did try to save her. You tried by telling her that the only way out was to go back up the stairs and to follow you. She did not make the choice to follow you. You provided the way out and she did not take it. How does that become your responsibility? You did everything that you could to save your niece. But you were unable to do so because that was not God’s plan. If God had wanted for her to live, your calls for help would have been heeded and someone would have come to her rescue. Had you not been so seriously injured, you would have gone back into the house to rescue her yourself but you were rendered incapable of doing so. Had it been your choice, you would have been willing to give your life for hers. But, obviously that was not what God had in mind for either her or you. Your niece made a choice and that was not to follow you. And now you have a choice. You have the choice to understand that there was absolutely nothing else you could do to save your niece. You have the choice to know that nothing can change what happened that awful day. You have the choice to know that there is absolutely nothing that you can do to change the past. And you have the choice to know that it was not in God’s plan for her to stay here. You also know that your niece would never want you to feel responsible for not getting her out because that was not what was suppose to happen. And if your sister blames you for what happened, that is not your fault either. You are alive because that was what God wanted. And neither your sister nor anyone else in your family has anything to say about it because it wasn’t your choice, it was God’s choice. Bad things happen. That is a part of life and living. And we feel excruciating pain because we are alive and we care when bad things happen to those that we love. But the best thing that we can do when we lose someone we love so deeply is to hold them in our heart and know that they would never want for us to suffer. We go on living and loving and caring, knowing that we will never be quite the same but that’s okay because we might just be better than we were before although it may take time to understand that. You are already making a difference for others because of what you chose to do in speaking out about the horrible things that were happening to you and the other patients in the nursing home where you were staying. Just think about the difference that you made for the others who will not be treated in the same way as you were because you chose to speak out and be heard. And if we can just make things better for one person in our lives, that is so worthwhile. It also helps us to understand out purpose here. So keep up the great work that you are doing and be proud of the difference that you are making. And please know that you are making a difference by joining us here and sharing with us. Please know that others do care and you are in our thoughts and prayers.

    • CINDY

      Barbara you have been very kind and what you have said is what i try to believe in so i can try to have some kind of life and then she finds away to write to me just to get me back down trying to get my mind to break feeling the guilt of being alive i beat myself up daily shes relentless she has so much hate in her i just didnt know how much till now that i almost took my life an not because of her but because it seems like im alone in this an that no one will ever understand what it was like that day an to be in a fire an not knowing if you will even live knowing that theres only one way out an not knowing if you will get to live and telling my niece we have to go out a window an she didnt follow me an even when she went back into her room she never attempted to open a window for air instead she covered herself with the mattress my god she was 29 yrs old oh how i wish my dad was alive because our dad was a firemen he would knock some sence into that thick head of hers the firemen in the city told her that they believed her daughter was sleeping an that there was noway she came to my room an that there was noway i could have went to her room because there was a hole in the floor in front of my bedroom an that my door was shut an her door was open that is not true these people were not there no one was there but me an her if the firemen were smart when i opened the window i caused oxygin to come into the house the fire was sucking all the oxygin out that is why they make a hole in the roof to contain it i was not thinking of spreading the fire when i went out the window !!! i didnt know this untill later if i had time to think the outcome could have been different the fire department was across the street an after i was hanging on a gutter for sometime there were calls made they didnt show up the police came they were the first ones there an that wasent untill i couldnt hold on anymore it took them 90 seconds after i had let go an the fire department let me lay there for almost an hr in that kind of pain an they were not even by me the firemen who took my niece out was 20 mins away an it took them 10 mins to get there she had no chance to live period they said if i wouldnt have got out when i did i would have died an which i did when i got to the hospital, i was laying on the ground in 12 degrees weather they put the fire out before they even took me away an i didnt get any pain meds untill i was in front of the hospital he said they approved a shot of morphine im still in pain till this day the only time they came to check on me when i was on the ground was to cut my pants on both legs an then left me an came back another time to cover me with there coats to protect me from water they were spraying in the downstairs bathroom right in front of where i was laying that was it untill they came to take me away my sister said MY DAUGHTER DID NOT DESERVE TO DIE ALONE IN THAT HOUSE!!!!

      • http://LetLifeHappen.com Barbara Jacoby

        For what it is worth, I am going to suggest that you do not read what your sister has to write. When she sends you an e-mail, please do yourself a favor and delete it without reading it. You have suffered more than enough for one lifetime and it is time to let it go. Family is suppose to help you and support you and be there for you. Whenever they are not, you have to release them and understand that it is not your fault that they choose to be the kind of person who has no heart. We have no idea why God chose for your niece to die that day but you have to know that it wasn’t because of you. You are not God and you can never know what his plan was for her. He spared your life because you still have work to do here for Him and He is helping you to understand that it was not your actions that day that decided whether your niece made her way out. It was a miracle that you survived and I thank God every day that you did and I hope that you do, too. You know that when she went back to her room and didn’t even open a window for air that you were not meant to rescue her. She was an adult and made her own choice. You can never, ever take responsibility for another person’s behavior or choices and that includes your sister, too.

  • Mandi

    I have to be honest and say that I didn’t watch a lot of the devastation on the news. For one ~ I don’t stop long enough to watch anything but the weather (or Fox News at the gym while I’m working out). And second, I take on too much pain when I watch too much of that kind of coverage. I try not to watch the news in general because it starts to depress me. And sometimes the news can be triggering for me. Not that I’m not interested or don’t care. Because I do. I feel so helpless when I can’t help the people that are in pain. All I can do is watch in horror. It is devastating and I am praying. Besides giving to Red Cross, that’s all I can do because I don’t live close enough to help.

    If I lost everything tomorrow, as long as I have my loved ones I will be fine. My family means everything to me. People and my relationships are the most important thing to me as well. I feel blessed! Especially since I came from such a bad place. I think of it like a shelter dog that gets adopted ~ always so grateful!! That’s me ~ grateful! I’m always amazed by the kindness of others. Especially in devastating situations. A lot of good things come from bad situations. Those are the stories that I like to hear about on Dateline or 20/20.

    To Joseph Larson ~ Thanks so much for serving our country!! I have no idea what you had to give up. I can only imagine how difficult it is to come home and try to live with PTSD. I can relate to your PTSD because I suffer from that as well. And it is difficult. I am shocked by the pamphlet you were given. That is something that needs to be changed for sure. I hope that people are complaining about that. Thank you for making such a huge sacrifice. My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family.

    Many Blessings
    Mandi

  • http://conservativesquid.blogspot.com/ Joseph Larsen

    I apologize for the comment as I just opened signed in and read your page. Forgive me for intruding on a website such as this as I had no reason to impose. I must have stumbled upon it and found it somewhat uplifting as yesterday, I was not, being that my wife had to convince me of who she was and where I was after she accidentally woke me up while trying to place a blanket on me.
    As far as the “Your Life, Your Choices”, it is a pamphlet that the Veterans Administration is giving out to all wounded soldiers that was written by a euthanasia group. The pamphlet is only supposed to be the paperwork for a living will but it is beyond degrading and causes increased suicide within depressed and injured by categorizing their lives into a “not worth living” sections and then trivializing your beliefs throughout the rest of the living will’s questionnaire. “Your Life, Your Choices” was thrown out by the Bush administration and returned by the Obama administration.

    • http://LetLifeHappen.com Barbara Jacoby

      There is absolutely, positively no reason for you to apologize for anything. You are not imposing on this website. In fact. I specifically designed this site for all of us who have been through some really tough times. We have found that sometimes it really helps to write about what has happened to us because it not only helps us to get it out but it also helps to know that there are others who understand because they have gone through similar times. We are all here for each other. I don’t know whether you saw the post from Mandi, but she posted a note specifically for you. She also suffers from PTSD because of the abuse that she suffered which started while she was still a child. And if you found something uplifting in anything that I have written, you could not have given me anything that means more to me than your letting me know that. And I hope that you took that stupid pamphlet and ditched it, never to be seen again. There are plenty of us who appreciate who you are and the sacrifices that you have made and believe that you definitely, positively, absolutely are a person who has created more than a life worth living. And please continue to join us here. We appreciate having you.

  • http://www.mytreasuredmoment.com Sharlene

    Well said…

  • http://conservativesquid.blogspot.com/ Joseph Larsen

    I am selfish and unable to lift myself up to the chipper mood right now that you possess. In reflecting, I do have a great wife who has stood by me during these struggling times as I am a wounded soldier, who not an hour ago couldn’t even recognize her precious face or the bedroom that I’ve been sleeping in the past 2 years. Nightmares are never fun and I am glad that I do not get to watch the earthquake news although personal tragedy never really bothered me very much. My wife feels that this mood is because of the VA pamphlet “Your Life, Your Choices” which categorized a majority of my life as “not worth living” so I could easily fill out a living will. Why the hell would they give a pamphlet written by a euthanasia advocacy group to a bunch of wounded soldiers with PTSD and depression?

    • http://LetLifeHappen.com Barbara Jacoby

      From the bottom of my heart, I want to thank you so very much for the sacrifices that you have made for me and all the people in this country in defending and protecting us. The mere thought that anyone would ever give you a pamphlet that categorizes the majority of your life as not worth living is beyond my wildest imagination. You are the embodiment of a true hero and an inspiration for so many. And furthermore, to title that pamphlet as “Your Life, Your Choices” when it is about euthanasia is beyond disgusting. Your choice to put your life on the line in service to your country and your fellow countrymen is the supreme sacrifice that anyone could ever make and to me, that puts you into a unique class of human beings who are the best of God’s creation. My prayers and wishes for all of God’s blessings for you and your wife go out to you. You are more loved and respected than you will ever know.