Mackenzie Phillips Shares Her Story of Abuse
September 26, 2009 by Barbara Jacoby
Filed under Creating Happiness, Domestic Abuse
This week, in conjunction with the release of her book, Mackenzie Phillips appeared on several shows to share her story about the years of sexual relations between her and her father. You can hear or read the story everywhere but the purpose of my writing about it is the reactions and comments that so many commentators and writers had put forth immediately because they seriously angered me.
Most of the remarks within the first day or so were that the story was made up in order to get publicity for her book. Her own step-mother, Michelle Phillips, responded that it is all a lie and what else would you expect from someone who has had a needle up her arm for 35 years. However, her sister came to her defense and indicated that she believes that what Mackenzie is saying is true.
Yes, the woman had been on drugs for many years as she readily admits but she has been to rehab and is currently clean. And while I do not know her personally and I cannot say what went on in her home – but, and this is a big but – I do believe that what she is saying is true and I will explain why.
Just about every single person that I know who has been abused as a child has not spoken about it within their own families let alone be willing to put it out in the public. Most are not even able to admit to themselves that it really happened until they have reached a point in their maturity where they realize that in order to move forward with their lives, they have to deal with what has happened in the past.
Most blame themselves for what happened and are ashamed when in reality they are the victims of those people who they were suppose to be able to trust with their lives. For those whose abuse came from their own fathers, I don’t know of one single case where their mother or step-mother has admitted that they believe that the abuse happened, even if the child told them about it. And most importantly, there is not a single one of these women (and in some cases, men) who made up their stories. After all, why would they? It isn’t as though their stories are of some wonderful accomplishments that they have attained in their lives.
Personally, I applaud Mackenzie for speaking up as she is a celebrity and the story that she has to tell has been repeated for many in this country on a regular basis. I really respect her and every other person that I know who has spoken up and spoken out about what happened to them.
They need to do this in order to bring about their own healing but at the same time, they help so many others who have also suffered any kind of abuse because we all share the same feelings of shame and believing that we did something to deserve what happened to us. And the more we work to heal our own lives, the more we provide hope and help for others by letting them know that we are all in this together and that by sharing our stories and experiences, we can find ways to forgive, to let go of the past and to regain the lives that had been taken from us.
I would love your comments.
I just wanted to share some info that I found online.
Mackenzie Phillips’ Confession Inspires Others to Come Forward
Printer-friendly versionFollowing Mackenzie Phillips’ disclosure of her incestual relationship with her father, many survivors of sexual abuse and assault have been inspired to come forward and get the help they deserve. ABC’s Good Morning America featured this increase in the number of people reaching out for help through the National Sexual Assault Hotlines. Since Mackenzie’s disclosure, calls to the National Sexual Assault Hotline (1-800-656-HOPE) have increased 26%, and traffic to the National Sexual Assault Online Hotline has increased 83%. RAINN Speakers Bureau member and survivor, Tiffani Wampler, told Good Morning America that it took her seven years to confront her father, who had been abusing her from the time she was 12. “In no way was it consensual. I never wanted it,” Wampler said. “But, then, there is that thing where I say, ‘This is normal, I just have to take it.’”
Here is the link where I found the info ~ http://www.rainn.org/news-room/news/mackenzie-phillips-comes-forward
Thank you so very much for sharing this. I am sure that regardless of what people have to say about her, Mackenzie will be very happy that by speaking out, she is helping others and I am sure that her speaking out has helped her greatly as well.
Using is often a result of sexual abuse, how could this discredit her. It has to be hard to come out with this. But I thank her as she will help many others who are trapped inside themselves.
You are absolutely, positively correct. Thank you.
I would also like to add that….It takes great strength and courage for an abuse survivor to speak up. We don’t share easily because we feel like we will be blamed,judged or not believed. When a survivor speaks out and shares her pain, it is empowering for all survivors. Because it educates the public. When I was growing up people didn’t talk about incest or pedophiles. Maybe if they did, my mom would have seen my many signs. I don’t like it when a survivor tells her story, only to be told that it couldn’t have been that person, because that person is a good person. People put on their best faces in public. You have no idea what goes on in private. Good people do abuse. That’s how they can get away with it. Look at Ted Bundy ~ the serial killer. He was well groomed, clean cut and very charming. It took the police a while to catch him. My therapist always wants me to tell my mom about my dad. I tell her my many reasons. And I also add that my dad is dead and my mom can’t confront him about it. It would only hurt her and I don’t like to cause pain. My therapist said that if I shared with my mom, it would have to be for ME ~ not for my mom and definitely not for my dad. So Mackenzie felt a need to share her story for HER.
Valerie Bertinelli was on the Oprah Show to support her former costar from One Day At A Time. Valerie said, “You are only as sick as your secrets.” That is so true! I hope Mackenzie feels good about releasing the poison. I know some of the backlash isn’t very supportive of her. But at least she was able to tell her story. How courageous!
Thank you so much for taking the time to add to your previous commentary. I really appreciate the fact that you are willing to put your story out there so that others can see the real person behind this horror. For everyone who has ever suffered your particular type of abuse, I hope that they will understand that there are people out here for them who will support and help them. And there are a lot more here for them who, while they may have suffered abuse under other circumstances, still do understand. Not everyone believes that when someone chooses to share his/her story, the only reason is for publicity.
Thanks for sharing your point of view on this Barbara. I’ve been thinking about this all week. I haven’t had an opportunity to watch all of the Oprah show I recorded yet. But I will soon. I did hear Mackenzie on the Today show and on Entertainment Tonight. Though I don’t know for sure because I wasn’t there, I am on her side and I believe her. Like you said, why would somebody make that up? Mothers of abused children live in denial and hardly ever believe the child. I believe that it’s because somehow they have a feeling something isn’t right. And if it did happen, then they weren’t doing a very good job. I was abused by my dad until I was 13. To my knowledge, my mother doesn’t know(although I think she suspected). If I told her, I can’t imagine that she would believe me. The pieces might all add up eventually after I gave her all the information. But the damage would already be done. If she admits that it happened, what does that say about her? It says that she didn’t protect me like she should have. And she didn’t. My dad is dead, and the only way I could EVER share my story in a book is because he is not alive. I still have a sense of shame, guilt and fear. I also still feel this strange need to protect my dad. I know that’s hard to understand unless you’ve been through it. But my inner child wants to love him and protect him. I am still working through all of this in therapy. And I know that I will get to a place where I don’t want to protect him anymore. But it takes time to work through the layers.
Personally I feel for Mackenzie. I have heard about her drug usage for years. But she said that she started taking drugs when she was 11. Her parents put her in a very bad environment from early on. She was left in a vulnerable situation for years. She did say that the early years of her father’s sexual abuse was not consensual. But that the last two years were. So of course being an adult, she realized that it was wrong. In her case,her father abused his power. He was the adult that was supposed to love and care for her. Not rape her or have sex with her. He knew that she loved and adored him. I like the fact that Mackenzie takes responsiblity for her actions and is very honest about everything in her past. This is HER story. Not her step mom’s or her sister’s. This happened to her. She is on all of the talk shows to of course sell her book. But what’s wrong with that? Authors and movie stars always promote their movies and books. Why would we want to buy something we knew nothing about? Her step mother doesn’t know what happened at all times in Mackenzie’s life. She was on drugs too. So how could she have known whether it happened or not? I saw the end of Oprah. Mackenzie said that nobody talks about concensuous,incestual sex. She said that she can’t be the only one out there. If she can help a few people with her story and help her healing process, more power to her. I will be praying for her on her journey. I was proud of her for sharing such a horrible life with us.
Thank you so very much for your very poignant response. As a person who has gone through the same type of abuse as Mackenzie, I highly value your perceptions regarding whether you think that she is lying about this happening to her.
I totally agree with Kelly; I think it is to sell books. Besides the fact that she is picking on someone who can’t stand up for himself because he is dead. She did this to sell books and how very sad and truthfully for all the times she has been in and out of rehab do we know she is even clean now or when she wrote the book?
Thank you for your comments. I, too, did stop to consider all of those years that she did do drugs and I think that she did the drugs first because they were provided to her by her own father and second, may have continued them because it was her escape from what was happening and what had happened at the hands of one of the people who should have been there to protect her.
I have never heard of Miss Phillips until I watched her interview on Oprah. It honestly wouldn’t be fair for me to sit here and say she is lying, but its not fair for me to say she is telling the truth. To come out with this at the same time when you have a book and things coming out is what makes her look bad and also coming out after the fact that her father is dead. If this did happen to her, then I’m very sympathetic for this lady, but if not shame on her. Here is my deal with celebrities and their personal stories. They always want to tell them when there is a book or a movie coming out and for that reason I have zero respect for them. Look at all the young ladies that come out and say, “Oh I used to be bulimic.” Let me tell you this is sad and pathetic of them because it never just comes out in a normal conversation, it comes out when their album or movie is about to be released. As someone who battled with bulimia as a young teen, I find it tacky and disrespectful of these celebrities to do this. They don’t admit its for publicity, but for some reason its always when a new movie is coming out or a new CD. I do think Miss Phillips did this for public attention, even if it did happen to her. Here is why I think so. If this happened to her, why not last year or the year before come out with your story….it’s because she didn’t have a book to sale. I think that’s what makes her look bad, all the sudden she is ready to talk about it when she needs to sale her book.
Thank you so much for sharing your perspective here. I certainly appreciate that you see this as a publicity stunt only and can only hope that such is not the case because this is such a serious matter that many spend a lifetime trying to resolve.
I’m not saying it didn’t happen, it just seems her reasoning for coming out about it was not the way to do it.
Since I can’t figure out another option for telling her story that would be better than a book, I would really appreciate it if you would let me know what your thinking may be for a better way to come out about it. I truly am interested because there are others who might want to tell their individual stories and would really appreciate other ideas, especially when writing a book is not an option for them
I think part of the reason why so many people are denying it is because she says that she had a consensual inset relationship with her dad. I personally do not think that consensual is the right term for her to use. I understand that she was on drugs for many years, mainly probably because of the abuse from her father and his influence on her with his own personal drug use, but I just do not know if that is the right term to use and I think that throws a lot of people off. The thing about her step-mom saying she is a liar is no surprise to me. I have a very close friend whose dad molested her and her step mom knew about, was fully aware of what was going on, and would tell her that she hated her because her dad slept with her and not me. But most family members do not believe it because the predator is so convincing that they do not think that anything is wrong, or they choose to ignore it and just don’t want to admit that they knew or thought something was going on.
Thank you so much for posting your comments here. I believe that you may have the insight into this matter that you do because you know first-hand what your friend went through in the same type of circumstance. For those that I know who have been abused in this manner, it is as if I have heard Mackenzie’s story before. And I do think that your interpretation about the “consensual” part is spot on.
WOW! the reason that these men get away with this type of behavior is because they have women, like some who speak here and their spouses, that turn their backs on the younger little girls, young women, etc… No one knows when, how, or how come until they have walked in the shoes of a victim to this horrible crime. Guilt , shame, drug addiction, all part of it. Anything to avoid the pain.. GOod for you Mckenzie. If she was high when she wrote her book she couldn’t have been that high or the book wouldn’t have been written!!! Speak your truth girl and shame on the ones who go against you. I have been writing a book on my past abuse and i will wait until my grandfather is pasted until i release it, he wasn’t my abuser but his daughter let it happen, so as to not hurt him i’ll wait. Dose’nt mean that i am lying….
Thank you for sharing a bit of your story here. I completely understand your not publishing your book until it is the “right” time, in this case, after your grandfather passes. I completely understand. Although I’ve never written a book about my abuse experiences, I never discussed or wrote about that time while my parents were alive. It wasn’t because they were contributors to the abuse but rather because it would have hurt them beyond your wildest imagination to know that their daughter had been hurt in that way.