I Fired My Friend
May 17, 2009 by Barbara Jacoby
Filed under Creating Happiness
That’s correct! After a 5-year friendship, I received a call from someone who was planning to be in the area for the next few days and wanted to get together. I told her that I was not interested in doing so and after a brief discussion I wished her all the best for her future, told her that I had nothing more to say and that I was hanging up. And that is what I did. I knew that it was the right thing to do but I had surprised myself in actually doing so. And when I talked to Kirk about it, he reminded me that I had done this once before – almost 12 years ago. Wow, now I really had to figure this out.
I have known for some time that this friend only contacted me when she wanted something. I felt sorry for her as she seemed to go from one big problem to another. I tried to help her in any way that I could and soon realized that although she would come to me to find answers she continued the same old patterns. That was fine with me until I started to resent her taking my time, my efforts and a whole lot more and wasting it. When she chose to move out of state almost a year ago, I felt that my problem had been solved.
So when she called me out of the clear, blue sky, I just answered her truthfully and sent her on her way. And then I started to feel a bit guilty because I knew that she didn’t understand what had happened even though I did explain to her the reason behind my choice. I kept thinking about it and thinking about it and then decided that there was something that I had not learned when I had released another friend in the past.
I have since come to the realization that I had the answer inside if I would just stop and listen. Why in heaven’s name would I want to have a relationship let alone a friendship with a person from whom I do not want to hear? And why should I feel badly about letting go of someone whose treatment of me is not acceptable to me? Why should I put someone else’s feelings ahead of my own? This is not a difficult decision. If I don’t want to spend time or interact with someone else who would fall into the “friend” category, then just don’t do it.
I believe that everyone who comes into our lives is there for a reason and that sometimes a person is there only long enough to teach us a lesson. Had I learned that 12 years ago when I fired a friend, I would not have needed to repeat the same lesson. But, I guarantee that I have learned this time and now I can move on to something else knowing full well that my “friend” has also had an opportunity to learn something about her friendships. I hope that it works for her too, so that she does not have to repeat the same lesson.
In the meantime, I have made plans with some of my real friends with whom I really enjoy spending my time and I am so very grateful to have them in my life. And I will always spend the biggest moments in my life with my very best friend, my wonderful husband, Kirk! And that is exactly what works for me and I know deep down inside is exactly what is right for me.
I would love your comments.
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