Domestic Violence – After I Left

March 22, 2009 by Barbara Jacoby
Filed under Creating Happiness, Domestic Abuse

I am honored by all of the responses that I received from a lot of really strong, courageous women who took on the fight and got out of their abusive situations no matter what the cost to them. I think that there is one aspect left to discuss before moving on to another subject and that deals with starting over. Here again, I am only sharing what I chose for myself and this is not to say that whatever anyone else chooses is wrong. My choice is what worked for me.

I will never forget the day that I left. The feeling of freedom was indescribable. I felt that I had been given a new life and I had every intention of doing the best with it that I possibly could. Although there were the immediate matters with which to deal, I knew that I had to handle them quickly and put them behind me if I was ever going to be able to start over.

I got a divorce and ultimately left the state. My ex had no idea where I was and I was pretty sure that he did not have the resources to find me. I spent all of my time and effort securing a new job, new friends and a new life. Whenever something from the past intruded, I made every effort to put it aside as quickly as possible. I had spent enough time living the nightmare and I did not plan to keep re-living it for the rest of my life.

Although my experience was really bad, I have chosen to learn from it and never held on to any hate and/or anger. I understand that my ex was an extremely troubled person who felt that it was okay to take his anger and insecurities out on me. I had to reach the point where I realized that there was nothing that I could do to change the situation and that there was nothing that I was doing to cause his behavior. I needed to leave in order to survive and that was it. I did learn that he died a few years ago, all alone, on Christmas Day.

The bigger lesson that I needed to learn was that I could learn from the past but not live in the past. I could not change what had happened during those years but I could allow the lessons of that time to shape a kinder, gentler me. I had the ability to structure a whole new life in which I could treat people with all of the kindness and love and understanding that I had not received in my marriage. I also learned that all that I have is today and that when I go to bed at night, I wanted to be proud of the day that I had created. The lessons that I have learned have become the basis for the lyrics for the music CD that my husband and I have created. Not surprisingly, it is titled “Let Life Happen” and was the pre-cursor to my blog and the website. Please feel free to share the music on this website and you will have a better understanding of the lessons that I have learned from that abusive time.

If you or anyone you know might need help, Check out the National Domestic Violence Hotline website.

Facebook comments:

comments

Tags: abused women, abusive marriage, abusive relationship, abusive situations, being positive, courageous women, divorce, domestic abuse, grateful, Let Life Happen, new friends, new life, physical abuse, strong women, survive

http://www.myspace.com/iwork4disd Memaw

Wanted to share a poem i wrote after my divorce.wanted to share.wrote this back in 1999

Life After Divorce

There is life after divorce, For those who didn’t get force.

You learn that you do have a life, And that you don’t need her, him in your life.

So pick up all your morals, Then get ready for tomorrow.

Because your life is ready for a change, All your thoughts and feelings are in range.

Whether your single or with children, Don’t think you don’t have the strength.

’cause I’m a single mother of four, living proof, That the last seven years, I’ve been getting through.

You have your ups and you have your downs, But I’m here to tell you that you need not frown.

Life without a mate, is no reason to lose fate, I’ve learned to love more, rather than to hate.

May all people prosper through life, Now that we won the ongoing fight.

Now taking control of your own feelings, Making you life ready for the millenium!

Shirley A. Beaudoin Copyright
Margie Shafer

Barbara …what an amazing woman you are! A survivor on so many levels. Thanks for sharing your story — what an inspiration to others. Such courage and strength. Margie
http://letlifehappen.com Barbara

Thank you so much for your kind words. It sure helps a lot when you can work through all of the tough stuff, both past and present, with a wonderful husband like Kirk. He is just unbelievably awesome.
Barbara Jacoby

Thank you so very much for sharing your poem. It really is so true and hopefully will be inspiring to others.